Friday, January 7, 2011

I never said I wasn't insane, you know.

I'm pretty sure I'm losing my mind because I really don't think it's possible to have a ghost because if you don't believe in a Higher Power most of the time, how do you believe in spirits after death? So all of the things that are randomly happening in my apartment are not the actions of a ghost. Because that's illogical.

The logical explanation is that I am doing these things myself and then I'm forgetting that I've done them because I've probably got a tumor or something growing in my brain, which would explain the random pangs and headaches I've been getting the last few days that only last for a few minutes and then fade away like they were never there. Except I remember that they happen.

And I've found the headaches occur right after something weird happens.  Which proves that it's probably brain cancer and I need to go to a doctor like right now because if I'm having memory issues it means I'm in deep medical trouble. Or maybe Padawan is just fucking with my head and doing weird things just to freak me out because he thinks it's funny.

But Padawan picking on me doesn't explain the insanity I experienced Wednesday, on my day off when I was all alone with Choo Choo and enjoying the peace and quiet. You see, around one o'clock I had to go to the bathroom because I'd had like three cups of Chai Latte and a hot chocolate and really had to go. I had to go so bad by the time I got up to go that I didn't close the bathroom door behind me or bother turning on the bathroom light, which wasn't really necessary since the light from the bedroom was more than enough to light the bathroom. And it's not like I need to be able to see anything while I'm relieving myself.

It was when I was washing my hands that the weird thing happened. I suddenly realized the bathroom light was on. But I hadn't turned it on. I had noted that I had forgotten to turn the light on in my hurry, and I had decided after I sat down that the light wasn't necessary. I had used the bathroom in the dark. How had the light come on? I had no memory of turning it on. And then I felt the pang in my head and decided I must have just turned it on and forgotten.

Skip to the next morning. I was getting ready for work. I went into the kitchen to pack my lunch, and since I've given up the no soda rule and because I so very rarely have soda anymore, I decided to pack a Dr. Pepper with my lunch. I opened the refrigerator, grabbed a soda, and turned around to tuck it into the bag with my lunch. BAM! There's a Dr. Pepper sitting on the counter behind me, ice cold like it had just been in the fridge, no condensation on it from sweating it out. It had just been put there. My head ached for a few seconds again, and I racked my brain trying to remember if I had opened the fridge twice. But I could only remember coming into the kitchen and grabbing the soda.

I considered Padawan might have left it out when he left that morning, but it was seventy eight degrees in our apartment, and a soda left on the counter in seventy eight degree temperatures for four hours would not have been cold by the time I found it. Once again, there was no moment of time I could not account for, but the soda had to have gotten there somehow.  Ghost? Insanity? 

I'm not sure. But this morning there were no incidents, no headaches, so maybe it was like a temporary insanity thing.

Of course Wheat thinks that I've picked up a spirit friend somewhere and he followed me home because he likes me.  Either that or she thinks I have a demon. Or Aliens. She completely disregards any theory that involves me going insane. 


Anyway, this morning I was walking to work, and as I was traipsing down the sidewalk I was stepping intentionally on leaves that looked like they would be crunchy. I don't know why I like to go out of my to step on crunchy looking leaves, but I've always done it and it's fun, so I do it and I don't really worry that I look insane. 

I saw this really awesome looking pointed leaf that looked like it would have like a mega crunch, and it was big enough for both of my booted feet to land on it, so I jumped on it and felt this really awesome satisfaction as it crackled and crunched under my shoes. And then I looked down and two inches from my boots was this brown, huge, slimy looking cockroach. I did not have time to think about it. I reacted in the old way I knew how.

I let out a high pitched squeal of horror, lifted my feet in a dancy, prancy way trying to get away from it, and ran three feet away from it before I managed to get control of myself and realized that I'd just made myself look like a complete idiot to all the people on the highway next to me who couldn't see the cockroach. All they saw was me suddenly do a silly little dance thing before running a few feet back the way I'd come. Was I embarrassed?

Nah. I laughed at myself, skirted around the cockroach while wishing I'd had my camera on me so I could take a picture of the nasty thing to show you how horrifying this thing really was, and continued on my merry way to work in the freezing temperatures that demanded I wear my wool lined boots and my fur lined parka and a thick scarf to work.

And next week we're apparently getting arctic air from Canada and we're going to have record low temperatures in the low to mid teens and wind and coldness and it's going to suck hard core trying to walk in it. Lucky for me I have my parka that I had to buy for when I went to visit Daddy in Virginia two years ago in January, and my wool pea coat that I bought because I could. I will battle the weather with all of my strength. But I don't know what to do for poor Choo Choo since she lost her warmest two sweaters and her fleece lined coat.

And by she lost them I mean that she hid them somewhere and I haven't been able to find them.


  1. I'm thinking you're shifting between alternate realities like in that movie The Butterfly Effect, except instead of major changes between the different realities, there's just little things. It's like, in this new reality your life turned out exactly the same, except you opened a Dr. Pepper and put it on the counter.

    Seriously though, that's a strange problem you got there. Especially with the headaches.

  2. I guess I should probably watch the Butterfly Effect. Except that I just looked it up on IMDB and it has Ashton Kutcher. *sigh* He's so obnoxious in most of his movies. And is this a scary movie? Because I can't handle scary.

    As for the headaches...I've always been susceptible to migraines. If it's not cancer (which I really hope it's not) then it's probably just a result of stress. Something weird happens, I get tense, my head starts to hurt. I call down, it goes away. That's the most logical and likely explanation. Either that or I'm really just crazy.

  3. No, it's not really scary. I'm not big on Ashton Kutcher either, but it's a decent movie.

  4. Hmmmm...I don't know if you're insane or not, but watch those headaches. My mother-in-law had a bad headache for a couple of weeks before she died suddenly. She'd apparently hit her head at some point which caused a brain hemorrhage that slowly grew until it killed her. Not to make you MORE paranoid or anything...

    I don't know, maybe Bryan is right, it could be something freaky like that shifting reality thing. I've never seen the Butterfly Effect either. The thought of Ashton Kutcher trying to be intense and serious is as ridiculous as a middle class white guy trying to act like he's a gangsta' from 'da hood. Word?

  5. I didn't hit my head, though. I don't think. Maybe I can't remember hitting my head because I hit my head? No, I would remember hitting my head. And I didn't.



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