Monday, January 17, 2011

Do you know where they are?

HPFF and I have made up for the time being. Or rather, I've decided that I don't care enough about the incident to continue plaguing the Beta who had such a bad attitude. I stress she was the instigator. I was an innocent victim. So what if I ruined their formatting? If anything I should have been congratulated on pointing out a flaw in their website design that left it so easily vulnerable to being hacked. I deserve a Medal of Honor or something. Not that I expect special treatment or anything, but did she even look at my pen name? Hello, I have twenty thousand readers, meaning that my story is the favorite of twenty thousand users,  and I am a personal favorite of three thousand members, twenty of which are moderators of the website. I think I'm deserving of a little more respect than seventeen days of waiting.

Balls of fire! The people I have to deal with in my line of work!

(P.S. That was total sarcasm. I'm not really that much of a Prima Donna. I don't think. Am I? I dunno. I might be. I've never really asked...and I'm not asking now! If you think I am, for the love of all that is Fabulously Neurotic, keep it to yourself!)

Anyway, Choo Choo is not pregnant. Apparently, her weight gain had absolutely nothing to do with pregnancy, but was a result of a couple of humans (who live in our little home who shall remain nameless) feeding Choo Choo table scraps under the table. The increased eating of her own food was simple enough to explain: she thought that if she kept her bowl empty, she'd get more people food. Apparently it worked. (I honestly have no way of knowing if my dog is actually smart enough to make the connection, but I'm sure she noticed that I went and checked her food bowl before giving her table foods, and only if it was empty did she get a piece. Unless she danced on her back legs. But who can resist that? Certainly not the two people who live in our apartment...)

So last night Padawan and I finished watching LOTR The Fellowship of the Ring and followed it with a couple of episodes of House Season 3 (oh, Hugh Laurie, how you make me smile) before going to bed. When Padawan went into the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth, I decided to make the bed rather than wait around until he was done so I could have my turn. When I pulled the pile of blankets off of the bed, I found my old blue earphones that I'd given him after I bought by pink gummies for my new Nano.

I didn't understand why he was using my crappy old headphones since Relly had given him a really nice pair for Christmas less than a month ago. So I asked, "Padawan, why are you use my old headphones? Didn't Relly get you some for Christmas?"

"Yeah, I can't find them."

Well that didn't surprise me. Padawan has extremely bad luck when it comes to headphones. He loses them, breaks them, washes them, or they just stop working. It's kind of funny, but he doesn't like to be laughed at. Keeping his dignity in mind, I attempted to hide my amusement, and I choked on my own laughter and made a noise somewhere between a cough and a snort. 

"What's so funny?

"You had them less than a month and you lost them. Duh."

Padawan became indignant. "I did not lose them."

I laughed outright. "Do you know where they are?"


"So you lost them." Case and point.

Padawan came back. "No, I didn't lose them." He kept emphasizing lose. 

"Do you know where they are?"


" they're lost."

If you can believe it, this argument (can you call it an argument if you're laughing the whole time? What is this? A debate? A verbal battle?) went on for five minutes with absolutely no change until Padawan said, "They are not lost! They are merely misplaced."

Well, I thought about it for a second before I answered, "Do you know where you put them?"


"So you don't know where they are?"


"Right. So they're lost."

And then I started laughing at the look on his face. Apparently, in the male mind, there is a big difference in something being lost and being merely misplaced. And in my world, if I can't find one of my shoes but I know it's somewhere in the apartment, I still don't know where it is so it is lost. That's the definition of lost: you don't know where it is and can't find it.

I let it slide after that and he got into bed and I went to wash my face and get ready for bed. However, after I turned out the lights and crawled into bed and settled under the covers, I snuggled up to him, put my lips to his ear and whispered, "You don't know where they are, so you lost them." Then I kissed his cheek, giggled, and rolled over to go to sleep. 

He made a noise something like a sigh, but he didn't say anything. Probably because he knew I was right. Which I am, right? If you don't know where you put them, and you don't know where they are, then that means they are lost right? And misplaced is the same thing as lost, correct?


  1. Personally, I have no trouble admitting when I lost something. Of course, I don't have a hard time asking for directions and contrary to what every comedian on the planet says, when I stare off into space I am thinking about something, so maybe I'm not the most qualified person to speak on behalf on my gender. Still, I have I to agree with you. If you can't find something, it's lost. At what point would he consider the headphones lost?

  2. I asked him that same question this morning when I woke up to find him playing on his computer still using my old headphones.

    Apparently, if he can't find them in the apartment, in the car, or at work, then they will be considered lost, and in the meantime they are merely misplaced because he has some idea as to where they are (work, home, or car).

    He can dress it up all he wants, but I say call a spade a spade. He lost them.

  3. Maybe your ghost has moved them.

  4. Or the ghost borrowed them, which would mean the ghost is trying to bother Padawan and not me (because moving the trash can after I was already gone indicates a desire to irritate Padawan). In which case they are still lost and Padawan has angered the ghost.

    In the meantime, if I've got a ghost/spirit/alien (according to my little sister, it might be an alien) I should probably give him/her a name. I will contemplate this and see where it leads.

  5. Let me know where that whole ghost/spirit/alien naming thing goes. I'm curious...

    It's hard to admit that you've screwed up. I know, I do it all the time. It's easier to blame the negative forces of the universe (aka "Bad Luck" or a "ghost") for the things that go wrong in life. Here's hoping Padawan will find those headphones soon, so he can stop feeling foolish for losing--erm, I mean--misplacing them.

  6. Well at least there's one person making an attempt to humor him. I teased him about it when I got home from work yesterday. I have no pity. Those were really nice headphones my sister bought him and he should take better care of them.


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