Monday, January 24, 2011

Here we go with that whole "model" thing again.

(Just for knowing I put this thing up there so you guys could select a reaction to my blog. It's kind of limited. But it's there. If you feel like doing extra clicks.)

Last night I was making dinner when my cell phone rang. "Wheat Cell" flashed across the screen, and I sighed audibly before putting down the spoon in my hand and answering. Wheat rarely calls for the sake of conversation. She generally calls when she wants something.

"Hello, Sister."

"Nelly! Will you do me a huge, big, GIANT favor? Please? Because you love me?" She sounded really excited, like she was just busting with good news.

I knew she was calling because she wanted something. It never fails. *sigh* "What?"

"Nelly, will you audition for America's Next Top Model with me? They're coming to Odessa!"

*awkward pause* "You want me to what?" 

"I want you to come with me to audition for America's Next Top Model! You know, with Tyra, Miss Jay, and Nigel!"

That's what I thought she said. Was she out of her mind? "For the love of god, Wheat, I know what America's Next Top Model is! I don't want to be publicly criticized and then have it put on TV! If you want to do it, just do it!"

"But I don't want to do it alone!"

"Well, ask Brat to do it with you. They love it when twins audition."

*sigh* "But I wanted you to do it with me."

I sighed, quickly losing interest and patience. "Wheat, I love to watch the show. But I'm not about to drag myself all the way out to Odessa on Valentine's Day to audition for a show that believes I am too short to be a regular model, too fat to be a petite model, and too damn skinny to be a plus size model. I don't fit the criteria."

"You only have to be pretty!"

"Wheat, it's not about being just pretty, and you know it. There's a certain body type they like."


"I will go with you for moral support if you need me, but I will not subject myself to their scrutiny."

*sigh* "Fine. I guess that will be enough."

When I hung up the phone I started laughing, and Padawan came in the kitchen with a funny look on his face. "Why did your sister want you to go to Odessa?"

I laughed even harder. "She wants me to audition for America's Next Top Model with her! Can you believe her?"

He looked at me weird.

"What is that look on your face?"

"Why not?"

My jaw dropped. "Why not? Padawan, I am not a model. There's a certain kind of look they go for."

"But, most of those girls are really ugly without their makeup. You're beautiful when you're not wearing makeup. You could win."

I laughed. "It's not just about being pretty, Padawan. It's about how your face photographs. My face...doesn't take pictures well at certain angles."

"Everybody thinks they take bad pictures."

"It's not about good or bad pictures. It's about great pictures. High fashion pictures."

"I think you should do it."

I rolled my eyes and we sat down to eat. "You're opinion is biased. You're in love with me."

"That doesn't change anything." And then he tackled his orange chicken and rice.

Oh, I admit, when I watch the Cycles of America's Next Top Model I imagine what it would feel like to compete, what it would feel like to win. I admit: I live vicariously through the girls in the show, and I have yet to pick a favorite who doesn't wind up winning. (Except for that one Cycle, and I personally can't stand that Heather was sent home.) But I am not in any way interested in putting myself though that. The drama that goes on off the photo shoots is completely ridiculous, and I personally can't stand other females. How on earth could I stand living in a house and sharing a room and bathroom with thirteen other girls, each believing she is entitled to the royal treatment?

I don't think they'd make it out alive.

I'm glad, though, that she called and asked. If she hadn't, what would I have written about in my blog today? 


  1. I have a confession to make. I actually went with a couple of friends and auditioned for American Idol when they were in Utah a couple of years ago. It was a LOOOONNNGGG day, but it was actually kind of fun. I got to spend the entire day making fun of all the pretentious, off key "singers" that seriously thought they had a chance. One guy that was sitting in the row in front of us kept singing loudly to songs on his iPod. He was completely and consistently off key. You could tell that he didn't have the slightest inkling of failure. Very sad.

    I personally didn't make it past the first round, but I did learn a bit more about how things work on that show. For one thing, contestants have to go through several rounds of producers. They hand pick the people that actually audition in front of the judges. It made me feel pretty sorry for the people that SUCK who are sent through BECAUSE they're so terrible--they get all excited, thinking they're that much closer to their dream and then they get yelled at by Simon (or whoever the judges are now). It explains a lot about why those poor shmucks are so shocked when they get rejected by the judges.

    Anyway, it's up to you if you want to audition or not, but even if you don't, just being there will give you a lot to laugh at. People-watching at those kinds of events is FASCINATING! Good luck! :)

  2. Well, that was brave of you. You were willing to face Simon. I...would never in a million years, even for the fun of writing about it, go in front of Simon and let him criticize me. What do they call it? Moxy? Something like that. Whatever it's called, you've got it.

    But either way, I am still ABSOLUTELY not doing it. I'll go with her and watch her do her interview and whatever. But I am not filling out paper work, I'm not introducing myself, and I am certainly not stripping myself down to a bikini to prance around. She can do that, and I will cheer her on. I still think she should have Brat do it with her. Seriously, they love twins.

  3. I was going to say that those reaction things would be great if you could edit the different reaction names, but then I looked into it ans to my surprise, I found that you could edit the reactions. I tried to add it to my blog and change the names to:

    "Changed my Life"
    "Drove me to Murder"
    "You'll be hearing from my lawyer."

    But somehow I couldn't get it to show up, so finally I gave up on it. Food for thought, though.

  4. Okay, I went to see if I could edit it, and it didn't work the first time, so I tried it again. And it worked! I think it didn't work the first time because my third one was so long, but I'm pretty sure it's working now because I can see it. So you should try again. It might have just been a glitch.

  5. Ha, that's great! Yeah, I was thinking that maybe the ones I had were too long, and I needed to come up with something that was just a word or two. Nice.

  6. Probably not all of them. It's probably the last one, "You'll be hearing from my lawyer." My personal favorite of yours, should you choose to use them, is the "Drove me to Murder" bit.

  7. I have to admit that I have never watched "America's Top Model", nor do I plan to. I, personally, don't see the appeal in being a model. It takes some serious...well...something, to try anything like that. Best of luck to your sister, and seriously, do as much people-watching as you can while you're there. You won't be sorry! :)

  8. PS: Thanks for saying I have moxy. I'm flattered. I mainly did it just to prove to myself that I had the guts to do it. I was REALLY nervous, but I'm glad that I at least tried. At least now I have some funny stories to tell. :)

    However, I FULLY realize that singing is a far cry from modeling. A VERY far cry.

  9. Yay! It was the right word! Nobody says that word anymore. "Moxy." It kind of sounds like "Poxy." Which isn't a word. But it could be an insult if you used it as an adjective and tossed in a British accent. "You poxy bastard!!!!"

    Yes. I like the way that sounds in my head.

    I think both are probably difficult. You have to have talent either way. And a desire to do it. Which is why most of can't or don't.

  10. I WOULD TOTALLY WATCH YOU ON ANTM! Dude, they've had everyone from tranny girls to short girls to "real" girls to girls next door. Granted, I guess 95.6% of the show is about the way you look or dress but's MISS J AND TYRA AND NIGEL AND MR. J!

    I do understand your position though...I could never do it. But I'd totally cheer for you if you change your mind.

  11. It would make for an interesting blog, if nothing else. And thanks for the vote, but even for the sake of having a more interesting blog, and even for the sake of meeting Nigel (who I have a crush on despite the age difference), I will not do it. I don't do public rejection/humiliation.

    But if you ever did happen to decide to try out yourself, I would also cheer you on. Since you're already a model anyway.


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