Question: In what country is it acceptable to kick someone's dog?
Answer: In no country is it acceptable to kick someone's dog unless in self defense.
And by self defense I mean if the dog is attacking you.
Let me share a story with you guys.
In the last year, Choo Choo has picked up a rather bad habit. When she sees a person or a dog or both, she barks to get their attention. And she tries to run over and make friends. She will bark and bark and bark and bark until she either gets to meet them, or she can no longer see them. Most people are irritated by this behavior, and so am I, but I can't seem to break her of the habit. I'm going to look into a muzzle or something to use while out walking so I can keep her from making noise. (My mother suggested a shock collar, but I think that is cruel and unnecessary.)
Well, it just so happens that five days a week I walk Choo Choo at 8:30 in the morning. It's always the same five days a week because my schedule is set in stone. It does not change. And generally Choo Choo and I don't meet anybody else on our walks. There is the occasional jogger that comes by from the hotel across the street, but more often than not, it's just the two of us.
Well in this particular story, which I am still seething over, Choo Choo and I were walking down the stairs at our normal 8:30 a.m. Unlike a normal morning, however, we met someone on the stairs. A small Asian woman dressed to workout, she wasn't a face I was familiar with. Either a friend of a neighbor or someone who lived on the third floor, we didn't know who she was.
And for the first time since Choo Choo learned her bad behavior, she did not rush forward to beg for a petting, and she didn't start barking for attention. Choo Choo just stopped on the stairs and stared at the woman. And the woman stopped on the stairs, too, at the bottom, completely blocking our way down. Since Choo Choo was being so polite, I didn't see any problem in waiting for her to pass us.
But she didn't.
Instead, this woman kind of huddled into herself, pushed her hand at us, and said, "Get dog away! Take beast away!"
This, I thought, was an unwarranted and unnecessary reaction. My dog, who weighs all of five pounds, was not threatening this woman or behaving aggressively towards her in any way. And yet there she stood, waving her hands frantically at us like we were coming at her with an intent to kill, which actually set off Choo Choo's barking. Can you blame her? This woman was acting like a fucking lunatic!
I knew, of course, that we couldn't just stand there all day. If I didn't move Choo Choo down the stairs she was going to pee on them. And while sometimes accidents happen, it's not really very nice to my neighbors to let my dog pee on paths often traveled. Since this woman was clearly not going to move back down the stairs, I had no choice but to lead Choo Choo down towards her. My logic was easy enough to understand: she would move out of they way and let us by.
The following few seconds leave me with no doubt in my mind that this woman is a fucking idiotic bitch.
She did not move away from the bottom step as we came down. She didn't move to the left (which would have been her right) to let us pass. She didn't turn around and go back down the stairs. She didn't even make a move to keep going up.
She stood right in the same fucking place.
Have a picture to help you see:
Obviously this picture isn't from today, but it's the only picture of the stairs I had and I needed it.
She was just standing in the middle blocking us.
Choo Choo had stopped barking, but her hackles were up and she was growling. I've never seen her raise her hackles at anyone aside from Jerkface. And she loathed Jerkface.
And as we got two steps away from her, this woman actually had the nerve to stick out her foot, move it in front of me, and kick Choo Choo into the metal rails on my right. You can see them in the picture.
It wasn't a hard kick. You might actually call it a nudge. But my point is she used her foot on my dog, and I consider it a kick anyway.
And I wanted to reach out and rip her thick black hair out and maybe scratch out her eyes. I wish Choo Choo had bitten her, but all she did was growl louder and bare her teeth.
Choo Choo couldn't say anything, but I certainly could.
"Don't kick my dog." I didn't yell it. It was the tone in my voice that said it all. It was clearly a "I'm barely controlling my desire to kill you where you stand" tone, and no language barrier in the world could keep her from understanding my meaning.
"Take beast away!"
Five pound dog=beast...how?
"I'm trying to go downstairs. Can you move, or do I have to kick you out of our way?"
"Take beast away!"
And the foot swooped out again. But my foot came out faster and blocked her.
I'm not a particularly threatening person. My coworkers have said repeatedly that I am adorable when I am angry. I am short and I am small and I am pale and frail looking.
But the bitch moved.
I proceeded to walk Choo Choo and reported the incident to the Office. It's not that I have any idea who this woman was or where she lived. All I wanted was to have it on record in case the bitch herself went in and tried to claim that my dog attacked her and I threatened her.
And I did.
I threatened to kick her in a roundabout way.
The point was she assaulted my dog, and if she goes in to complain her name will be provided to me and a nice little note goes on her apartment record that she has a habit of attacking dogs. Also, she will get an official warning from the Office explaining that her behavior is unacceptable and if it continues she will be asked to leave.
Not that I like to make trouble for people who live around me, but seriously?
She fucking kicked my five pound dog.
And who could kick a cute little doggy like Choo Choo?
She's too cute to kick.