Tuesday, September 13, 2011

I've been gone, but I'm back with a bang!

I have to hand it to my new neighbors underneath me: they certainly know how to treat the people they live near. The respect for the lives of everyone outside of their own little world is an example to the whole world. I strive to be as caring, considerate, and polite as the people who replaced the uptight  asshole who lived below us until a month ago.


By the way.

That was completely and utterly sarcastic. 

I may have despised the pretentious asshole who lived below us, but for all of his faults (and he had several) at least he didn't think he owned the whole damn world.

Let me just break it down: I graduated at the ripe old age of seventeen and proceeded to move into a dorm. And from the time I was dorm bound until the present day, I've had neighbors who have been...a little less than perfect from time to time. But, I have never before today had to file a formal and angry complaint against a neighbor.

They've been here one single month, and they have managed to do everything wrong. 

Starting with the fact that the man parks his bike on the bike rack in such a way that a rack that should easily hold three bikes can only hold two. And he's always using his bike to block the second bike from being able to lock up properly. This follows the fact that they NEVER leave their trash in the can like they're supposed to and it's always sitting out there in the bag, oozing something foul. Then there's the fact that when Padawan and I are laying together and haven't moved a muscle for hours, they randomly bang on their ceiling, which is our floor, like we're being too loud...IN OUR SLEEP. They even did it once while I was soaking in the bathtub because I had an intense migraine and sitting in a hot bath in darkness and utter silence helps. Having that interrupted suddenly by loud banging directly beneath when I couldn't have been making ANY FUCKING NOISE was beyond forgivable. 

But the thing that pushed me over the edge was something that never should have been a problem.

Their dogs.

They've got two beautiful boxers that I just want to pick up and hug, they're so cute. They're always wagging their tails and just begging for love and affection. My problem is not with the dogs. The dogs are adorable. They are poorly trained. How? 

Well, since you asked so nicely...

Every morning they release their dogs into their yard (they rent an apartment with a yard) at seven thirty where they stay for two hours, barking incessantly. And I do mean that. They bark from the time they leave the apartment until they are pulled back inside. Without pause. 

No, I'm a dog owner. I know that all dogs barks sometimes. It happens. But to actually take your dogs, leave them outside at ungodly hours in the morning, and to let them bark without an attempt at restraining them EVERY SINGLE MORNING?????

That's not only fucking rude, that's bad dog ownership. Dogs should be taught proper manners, and while Choo Choo still gives a little woof at the occasional passerby, she has never been left to bark outside for hours on end.

And maybe if it was just the morning routine, I really wouldn't care. But it's also the fact that they release the dogs every night AT MIDNIGHT for a similar routine. Except that when the dogs to get quiet at night, as they do sometimes, the stupid woman pulls out squeaky toys and makes goblin noises and roaring sounds and barking sounds at the dogs to get them started again! And let me just say that the sound ordinance goes into effect at ten, so egging them on outside at midnight is not only absolutely fucking rude to the nth degree, it's illegal as well.

So after a particularly hellish week I went to bed last night at ten and got woken up, as usual, at midnight by the woman and her dogs. And when I finally fell asleep, they fucking started it all over again at seven thirty, like always. But I was pissed. 

So I stuck my head out of the door and yelled, "WILL YOU BE QUIET, PLEASE?" My voice was shrill, cracking, and as polite as I could make it after a month of Band Season and sleep deprivation. They took the dogs inside immediately.

Only to let them back out ten minutes later. 

And then the man ABOVE us yelled, "Shut those damn dogs up!"

To which they yelled something beyond rude back. 

Now, I know for a fact that people have taped notes on the door of this couple. I have seen and read them myself. They've been warned plenty. And I just had enough.

So I was at the Office first thing this morning to see the Manager, and I was ready to let it all out. 

Only to hear, upon hearing that I was complaining about a neighbor, "Is this about 5108?"


"Is this about the dogs?"


"About seven thirty this morning?"


"Yeah, you're the third one this morning. I had two voicemails when I came in."

Oh. Guess I wasn't the only one completely fed up.

But I had walked all the way down there, so I let it all out. The banging. The midnight barking and egging on. The early mornings. How they'd sworn vilely at the neighbor who yelled after me. How they were just rude and disgusting and how I wanted them warned.

So. This time they got a polite note.

But next time...They get a fine and a lease violation notice.

Third time?


What do you think my reaction to this was?

Why, I went to work and demoed a really awesome recorder with which to record the next incident so that the Office employees can understand EXACTLY why this is so frustrating for us. I'm a musician, damn it. I'm laid back. I have a dog. I totally get it. And they pushed me too far. I work too hard and deal with too many children and frustrated parents all day to have to deal with being kept from sleep because two ignorant dog owners can't figure out that dogs, like children, need to be taught proper behavior. 

All I need is one slip up...


  1. Ick! Rude neighbors suck. Whatever happened to common courtesy?

    Oh wait! No one cares about that antiquated view on life anymore! Pfffft! Common courtesy?How outdated am I and my desire to make life pleasant and liveable for my fellow human beings? What a silly idea! (Read in a sarcastic sort of voice.)

    (People in 5108, you are SOOO on The List!!!)

  2. I think the OWNERS are in need of some training. Or proper living accommodations like a trashy trailer park, (Since I know there are some nice ones and mean no disrespect to those who are decent human beings)or a house with a yard and lots of distance from neighbors.

  3. People should have to pass a test before they can own a dog. Take a class, like you do in some states to own a handgun. Of course I think they have to prove they are smart enough before they can have kids as well. Then again if it were up to me, we would probably be on our way towards extinction as a race. I wouldn't hand out kid licenses freely. And only the truly worthy would have a dog.

  4. Welcome back! Isn't it great to be here? Sorry. I got yelled at this morning by someone while I was walking my dog. He claimed my dog keeps pooping in his lawn. I pulled out the roll of bags in my pocket and explained that I always clean up. He freaked out more, saying it doesn't matter. I said that it obviously does or he wouldn't be talking to me and walked away as he cussed to my back. Some people are broken.

  5. You could always get really drunk and sneak out into that same yard, bark like a dog for several long uncomfortable moments and then "mark" your territory. Sure, it might land you in jail, but I bet your neighbor will either move out the following day or mind his or her manners the next time.

  6. Oh my God, Chanel. I was going to complain about how the neighbors' dogs bark incessantly , but I swear to God they only do it during normal business hours. And there's a fence that separates us. After reading this, I will never complain about those yappy dogs again. BTW, I cracked up at the "BE QUIET" symphony you started with your neighbors. Way to be a trendsetter.

    P.S. I miss your posts. Sadface.

  7. Candice, our List is getting very long now...mostly with people who get on MY bad side. Perhaps we need to add some from YOUR side to the List. But Mr. and Mrs. Jerkfacehead can totally be on the list. At the TOP.

    And it's not ANTIQUATED. It's just forgotten. You know...the Me Generation and all that. Or something. What generation are we on?

    Rebecca, yes. Do you suppose they have Dog Owner Training Seminars that arrange to kidnap awful pet owners and force them to rehabilitate and then charging them for it? Because if so I'd like to arrange for them to take my neighbors...

    Rev, you and I are on the same brain wave. I think people should be tested before having children and pets and before they're allowed to have jobs that involve talking to people. And as for the human race producing less...well, we're over reproducing anyway.

    Charlie, some people just want to blame anyone. I've had people do the same thing to me. There's really no good way to handle them because even when you prove you've got the proper equipment to clean up they still don't want to be wrong. If he yells at everyone about their dogs that way I'm not surprised somebody keeps letting their dog do it. It's still wrong, of course. But understandable.

    Scott, I'd never do that. Someone would be bound to catch it on video and put it on youtube, and then I might be featured in your blog. Plus, I'm a delicate little flower. I would not do well in jail. Plus my neighbors are very large people and they'd probably kill me before I could make it back over the fence in my drunken state. Perhaps I can just drop Choo Choo bombs into their yard to show my appreciation for them. Is that illegal?

    Nicki, I imagine that dogs barking incessantly during the day are just as annoying as the ones that bark late at night and early in the morning. You complain about it, though. It will make you feel better... And...It would make me feel a little better knowing I'm not the only person out there who has a limit for dog noises who also has a dog. I think there's some sort of code I violated, except that the dog owner's code also says that you never allow your pet to interfere with the lives of other people in a negative way. So...maybe they deserved it.

  8. We allow our dogs to bark outside but only for a short time and only during the polite times of the day. Miz Rev gets up at 0 dark hundred and puts them out to potty and if they start barking she brings them back inside until much later. My dog Daisy has an especially big mouth.

  9. "...they pushed me too far." That's adorable...er, I mean really frightening and intimidating ;)

    I was all set to hear a heart-warming tale about considerate neighbors, but then you pulled a fast one. That's alright. Griping about people that drive me nuts, or hearing someone gripe about people that drives them nuts is probably my second favorite pastime. Plus, those people seriously suck.

  10. Maybe this is why I'm so not interested in keeping pets. People are stupid --or broken, thanks, Charlie-- and can't seem to control what they should be able to if they're going to take on the responsibility. I can get behind the human cynicism.

  11. Darev, well all dogs bark. Except the ones that have that debarking surgery. But that's just WRONG. NICE people like you and me try to keep the dogs from barking at inconvenient times for hours on end...

    Bryan, that is not adorable. Adorable is a bunny rabbit hopping into your daughter's lap to steal her carrot. Or my dog playing with her stuffed piggy. When I'm angry, it's not adorable. It's terrifying! Mortals bow before the force of my anger! (In a perfect world, this is true.) And I'm sorry I tricked you. But I promise this story was more fun than a boring one about nice neighbors. I never write about my nice neighbors. (I do have one, but he's nice so I never have anything to say about him...)

    Brent, there's a different in CAN'T and WON'T. Their dog barking like that is a clear example of WON'T. They never tell them to be quiet. They never try to keep them from barking. They just stick them out to bark. Maybe you should try some dogfish. You might like them. :P

  12. I demand an update!!

    Also you could counteract the noise with A) loud classical, or B) loud dubstep. I would vote classical because Dubstep makes me want to murder things. If it weren't for poor little choo choo I would say just crank it up and leave it going while you were at work all day HA!

  13. Obviously they must be deaf. I can't fathom any other reason that THEY could tolerate the barking.

  14. Okay, that's ridiculous. Man, I really have zero tolerance for rude people. WHY is it so damn hard to be considerate?! Yeah, this post just fired me up remembering the girl who lived in the apartment above me when I was in downtown Dallas. She would walk like a maniac in high heels AROUND THE CLOCK (and we're talking running, skipping, stomping, jumping, etc). I mean, I wouldn't put my shoes on until I was about to walk out the door specifically because of the people who lived beneath me...and I'd take them off the minute I walked in the door.

    It's really not difficult to think of others. I'm glad you spoke up, along with the others. That crap shouldn't be tolerated.


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