Monday, September 19, 2011

Music Lessons from a Four Year Old

Meet my nephews...

Little "L"

Big "L"
I can't decide if they're little terrors or absolute angels.

I suppose it depends on the day. And whether or not they're throwing themselves on the floor and screaming in the middle of the place I work because they want to play with the drums.

They can't say "Chanel" so they either call me "Neh-wee" or "Neh-wl." 

Sometimes Relly will encourage them to throw in a spiteful "Aunt" before whatever name they use.

I glower at her.

I am not Aunt anything. I'm too young to be an aunt.

I don't have toys, but they like coming over to my apartment. They liked to watch Finding Nemo, and when TV fails to entertain them properly, they find amusement in Choo Choo's toy basket. What they find so entertaining about dog toys, I have no idea. But they get hours of enjoyment out of it. 

They are scared of Choo Choo, a little bit. They like to pet her. But when she sits on their laps they scream. I think it scares them when they can feel her nails. (Fear of a five pound dog is tolerable in children. Not in my neighbor, who is still a spiteful, stupid Dog Kicking Bitch.)

We went out to lunch one day, and Uncle Padawan joined us. (I take a perverse pleasure in reminding them to call him Uncle. It makes me giggle to hear it.) Big L decided to sing his new favorite song.

"Doooo the funky lady! Doooo the funky lady!"


Well, it's hard without the tune.

Dude looks like a lady.

So I helpfully sang part of the song for him, so he could have the right words.

"Do me, do me, do me, do me,
Ooh, what a funky lady!
She like it, like it, like it, like that,
Ooh, he was a lady!
That! That! Dude looks like a lady!"

And he looked thoughtful for a moment, considering what I said, then turned to me and said, with great conviction, "No, I don't think that's right."

We couldn't help laughing. Could you keep a straight face? Of course you couldn't.

Then they (Double L) starting singing their absolute favorite of all time song. 

"My first kiss went a little this! *smooch* And twist! *smooch smooch* And twist!"

Apparently it's a Ke$ha song. I like the "ooo-wee-ooo" parts best. They're kind of catchy. Like "D-I-N-O-S-A-U-R a dinosaur! And O-L-D M-A-N you're just an old man, hittin' on me what? You need a CAT Scan!"

I don't approve of Ke$ha, of course. Most of her music is awful. But I like the catchy songs. 

Especially that one about brushing her teeth with a bottle of Jack. Cracks me up every time.

And speaking of booze...

Tomorrow night, Padawan and I are going to my friend's surprise birthday party. I'm telling you this because it's a themed party. 

Beers from Around the World. 

Don't tell anyone I said this, but somebody has seen way too many episodes of Mad Men. And it's the man I work with who happens to be throwing the party because she's his girlfriend. But don't tell anybody.

Anyway, we all got assigned countries to bring beer from. I was assigned Austria for some god-awful reason. So I traded someone else for England and then took a trip to Specs. Ever been in there? It's like a Temple of Booze. I've never see so much alcohol under one roof.

Of course, I really feel sorry for the two people who got assigned Korea and Vietnam. Specs didn't have any imported beers from either of them. Of course, there's more than one Specs in Austin (and if that doesn't tell you something about this city you should consider that the store we went to is the smallest location of several) so there's probably some at one of them. Still, I had a much easier time with England. (Didn't see any from Austria but did find some from Belgium. That's kind of similar, right?)

Good lord I am tired. I'm going to go to bed. Have to make sure I wake up on time because Clueless will be dropped off bright and early tomorrow morning to Padawan can shuttle her home. (Still no license. And by the way, it's a crime that she didn't get sent to jail and just got stuck in mandatory alcoholism classes. She should be punished, not pitied.)


  1. HaHaHaHa!!! Your nephews are freaking adorable! I love their lyrics for "Dude Looked Like a Lady". Very nice.

    That actually reminds me of a few nights ago, Caden was brushing his teeth. Suddenly, Tyler and I heard him singing: "Uptown Girl, I'm gonna pee on yooouuu!!!" I'm not entirely sure how he got THAT out Billy Joel's original lyrics, but there you have it. Tyler and I just looked at each other, and then started laughing. What else could we do?

    Clueless is STILL not in jail? That's just crazy. Oh well, maybe some sort of miracle will happen and she'll come to a point where she can change her unwise ways...(this is a VERY big 'maybe'...)

  2. In revenge for that "Aunt Chanel" thing you should teach them Bob Dylan or old David Alan Coe songs. It would seem like fun if you could do Dylan's voice. "But I would not feel so all alone. Everybody must get stoned!"

  3. You're not too young to be an aunt. I've got nieces and nephews almost as old as me.

  4. I actually try to get my brother's kids to call me "uncle", but so far I haven't had much luck. I like the sound of it. But that's me.

    Belgium is closer to France, and Austria is closer to Germany. The only similarity between the two is that they're both in Europe.

  5. For some reason I read that as "Bears from Around the World" the first time and thought where are they going to find enough bear suits? I think you should change the theme to "Bears and Beers from Around the World". That sounds like a fun party.

  6. Those are the words to Dude Looks Like A Lady? Really? I thought most of it was just random jibberish.

    That picture of Little L is at MacDonald's. So "Not Aunt" Neh-wee makes sure they get a nutricious meal, then she plops them in front of the TV until they get bored, then gives them dog toys to play with.

    I think you would have been my favorite aunt :)

  7. HAHHAHAHHAHAHA I just watched that episode of Mad Men the other day! "It's imported!" I did feel a little bad for Betty in that one.

    BTW, that first picture of your nephew? Totally took a terrible day and turned it around. Hilarious.

  8. Your nephews are too cute for words! And the little sing-song bit had me laughing. So cute!

    Your beer themed party sounds cool--hope you will write a post on that! :)

  9. Candice, perhaps you and Tyler should explain to Caden that outside of the animal kingdom it's pretty rude to pee on a girl in most cases. (I say most because...some people don't find that rude at all.)

    I would give her the benefit of the doubt...if I could. But I can't.

    Rev, I can't teach them Bob Dylan. I don't even like Bob Dylan! I could teach them Lady Gaga, though.

    George, yes I am. I promise, I may seem twenty three, but deep down I'm ten years old and not prepared for adult responsibilities like keeping children out of trouble and giving them good advice. Also, you're older than me!

    Bryan, when I'm all grown up and in my thirties they can call me "Aunt" to their heart's content. Just not now.

    Well...they both have "I" in them. :P

    Charlie, Bears from Around the World will be more fun for me...especially considering I don't drink beer.

    Doug, it was actually Chik-fil-a because I wouldn't set foot in a McDonald's if you paid me. (Well, maybe for a million dollars. I have a price, I guess.) But it's almost the same.

    Nicki, I got frustrated with Betty when she got mad at him for it, though. It's not like he PLANNED that she would buy it and serve it at a party.

    Yeah, he took my sunglasses and put them on. There's one with Big L wearing them, too, because what one does the other will do. But that would have been silly to have two boys wearing the same glasses.

    Frisky, thank you. They know EXACTLY how cute they are and use it to their distinct advantage.

    I plan to write about it...musicians and beers from around the world. Should be awesome!

  10. You don't even like Bob Dylan?

    **sigh** What are they teaching kids these days?

    Child, where is your mother? I need to have words with her.

  11. Nope, I do not like Bob Dylan. And my mother is probably hiding from Bod Dylan's voice as we speak because I'm pretty sure she doesn't like him either...


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