Wednesday, March 16, 2011

In case you were wondering why I haven't been posting...

I have been ill. 

I am feeling better today. And I Googled my symptoms. Apparently I have just recovered from Typhoid Fever.


Every time I Google my symptoms I wind up with something horrifying. Ebola. Lung Cancer. Stomach Cancer. Skin Cancer. Brain Cancer. Scarlet Fever. Google is big on diagnosing cancer, I guess.

This is the first time I've ever been told I have Typhoid Fever, though. That's an interesting development since Typhoid is, I thought, contracted through dirty water or contact with Typhoid Mary, who I'm pretty sure died many years ago. Not of Typhoid. Apparently she was a healthy carrier or something.

Either way, I'm pretty sure I did not actually have Typhoid Fever.

I think it was just Viral Plague.


  1. I was hoping you would get it.

  2. That is my favorite Arnold Schwarzenegger movie of all time. It's a good thing this is via type, because my imitation is not very good in person.

  3. Man, you have survived some pretty serious stuff. Thank Google for getting you through all that mess. Nice to see you up and about, which, according to Google you have Osteoarthritis, Ulcerative Colitis (sounds nasty) and Vaginal Yeast Infection (I am terribly sorry to be the first to inform you of this one.)

    Good luck and drink plenty of water, since you are now immune to typhoid, no need to boil it first. :)

  4. "Typhoid Fever" Yep, that's internet diagnosis.

    You: My arm hurts.

    Google: You're probably having a heart attack.

    You: No, not like that! I bumped my elbow against the wall.

    Google: Gangrene must have set in. Mark the spot on your arm just above where it hurts, and get to the emergency room immediately to have it amputated.

    You: I just hit it twenty minutes ago!

    Google: Disorientation causing you to run into walls is a sure sign of stroke.

    You: It's just my damn arm!

    Google: Oh...well, then you probably have arm AIDS.

    You: Oh brother.

  5. Scott, what would we do without the diagnosing expertise of Google? All of those things sound disgusting or uncomfortable or both. (Ulcerative Colitis? I've never even heard of that one!)

    I think Google invents diseases.

    Bryan, that's about how it works. Ebola Gangrene! Run for lives! Seriously, what is their algorithm for diagnosis? Or do they just pull up diseases willy nilly because they are bored?

  6. Quit drinking tap water and no more problems. I'm sure Austin's water supply is contaminated due to an overabundance of dirty musicians and liberal hippies.

    @Bryan: Does anyone actually say, "Oh brother?"

  7. There are plenty of clean musicians and liberals who aren't hippies...

    I happen to be clean, a musician, and liberal minded.

    But as it happens, I filter all of my water twice. But maybe I should start boiling it. I believe that was the old time way of preventing Typhoid.

  8. Dammit Chanel, leave my stereotyping alone! Musicians should be loud, dirty, smokers and promiscuous. You don't fit any of those.

    The only solution is for you to give up music, I'm afraid.

  9. Oh, don't be silly.

    I can just be the exception to your stereotype and I won't go flaunting it everywhere that I disprove your whole theory about musicians and the type of people who live in Austin.

    And for the record, I can be loud. I'm just not obnoxiously loud.

  10. I was thinking Brain Cloud. But apparently you don't recover from those. You seem to be on the mend, so never mind.
    It Just Got Interesting

  11. Well my mind does wander frequently...but when it does I generally come to my blog and write a post because of those thoughts.

    I've never heard that term before. I had to Google it, though my trust in Google and its medical helpfulness is tenuous at best these days.

  12. Blogspot needs a LIKE button. I have nothing really to say other than "Like".

  13. I'm wearing gloves and a mask, just to be on the safe side.

  14. Sirluke, see that proves that people are becoming entirely too dependent on Facebook. However, there ARE little options you can check underneath my post. "I laughed." "You're crazy." "Bored much?" "Undecided."

    It's a lot more fun than just liking something.

    Darev...I'm not contagious anymore! I actually went to work today. And I survived! I hope you're wearing green gloves, though. Otherwise you're going to get pinched.

  15. When did Bryan morph into Charlie Brown? He must have CBD! Everyone run!

  16. I'm sitting in a library on my break, and I'm reading about your apparent Typhoid Fever, and I'm laughing,'s probably not typhoid fever, it's probably the Black Plague you've got. Get your facts straight! :)
    Have a great weekend Chanel!

  17. Charlie, why is everybody stuck on this "oh brother" thing? Is it that weird? I've heard people say it! It can't be that unusual if I've heard people say it in person. Though I personally prefer saying "Oh bother" instead.

    Sandra, well you're the nurse so if you say it was Black Plague I should probably start carrying some posies in my pockets. Thanks, you too!

  18. I'll have everyone know, I fed every word of that comment through a complex comedy algorithm which rated every word for maximum L.Q. (laughter quotient.) "Oh Brother" came up with highest possible rating for the final line. Of course, "Arm AIDS" also scored high, so maybe it's a case of a faulty algorithm.

  19. Don't worry. It was funny. Your algorithm did not lead you astray.

  20. Welll...... at least typhoid fever is better than scurvy.

  21. Oh, yes. Scurvy would be horrible. If it had told me I had it, though, I could have said, "ARR!" and "Avast!" and "Shiver me timbers!"

  22. Did you really tell me not me be silly? That's kind of my whole schtick. If I'm not silly I'm just a weird guy drawing stick figures. And that's just sad.

  23. Did I tell you not to be silly?


    Did I seriously tell you not to be silly?


    If you weren't silly would you be a sad man drawing stick figures?

    Maybe. I will take a poll and get back to you.


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