Wednesday, December 1, 2010

I revel in my delight: the intoxication of revenge well served.

What did I do with my day?

Well, let's was a very productive day. I woke up at nine this morning and hopped in the shower. Of course, I blared my shower playlist on the iPod dock. Do you know what makes revenge perfect? When the first song is Seether's "Fake It" and I get to scream, "Oh whoa oh, you're such a fuckin' hypocrite!" at the top of my lungs knowing Jerkface has just had a rude awakening and he can hear me and he knows I'm singing that line for him.

Message delivered? I think so.

What else? Oh, yeah. I played a girl power playlist consisting of thirty seven angry female vocalists with a couple of girl pop love songs while I did laundry. And I ripped open boxes and moved things around and loudly pulled packing tape out to re-tape some things. 

Did I mention the part where I just had to vacuum the bedroom, the living room, and the hallway right outside of Jerkface's door? No? Well, I did that too. Then I moved on to clean the kitchen. Do you know how many pots and pans we have in our cabinets? Twenty six. It took me fifteen minutes of banging them around loudly before I found the way they all fit perfectly together for re-entry to the cabinet. Oh, I might have accidentally slammed that cabinet shut. Twice.

And then of course I had to rearrange all of the other cabinets. I can't imagine it was pleasant to hear the glass clinking in combination with my girl anthems and my own singing added in. Then again, I've got a fairly lovely singing voice. Still, it was ten in the morning. I might have disturbed somebody's sleep. Especially when you consider that I had to slam every single cabinet door shut when I was finished. I might have dropped a few things, too, followed by some good natured swearing. 

Oh, and after I cleaned off the table in the dining room I realized I'd forgotten to vacuum under the table and chairs. Oops. Had to do that again, and since it had been so long I thought it was probably best to go over it slowly, and then a second time just to make sure I got it all. And because I was doing laundry between everything else, I had to keep going in and out of the bedroom. I might have shut the door a little too loudly a few times. I hope it didn't disturb anyone. 

Jerkface finally got fed up and left at about twelve thirty. I threw a bright smile at him when he was leaving. He looked quite chipper. After that I turned off the music and got to work on one of the quilts my mom and I are making for T-man's little boys. T-man is a man who dated Relly in high school and she broke his heart to he married someone else and had two kids with her, but then she cheated on him while he was in Iraq and so now he's divorced and he and Relly are acting like a happy married couple taking care of his kids together. Anyway, T-man has been a friend of the family for years, and he always stops by on Christmas. So we're making Double L (what I'm calling his boys because both of their names start with "L") Alphabet Quilts. They're two and three years old, so they'll appreciate them. I'm in charge of painting the pictures. Here's a picture of a couple of squares I did today.

You wouldn't believe how long it takes to paint these things. Cute though, aren't they? I'm a little proud of them. Mom's going to do all of the sewing. I can sew, of course, but I don't actually have a sewing machine because...well, who the hell has a sewing machine anymore? I don't sew on a regular basis, though I do embroider from time to time. Hey! Don't judge me! I like to do old fashioned things sometimes! When's the last time YOU made a quilt? I thought so.

Anyway, I'm feeling all smug about my revenge.


  1. Hey! I own a sewing machine, and it's totally awesome. I actually made the bedding for my daughter's crib because we couldn't find any that we wanted to buy. It turned out pretty well, thank you very much. I won't judge you for your embroidery. I actually enjoy crochet every now and then. I can make some killer afghans. Seriously. They're fabulous.

    Anyway, I couldn't help but feel smug right along with you as you described your revenge. Well played! I hope Jerkface won't bother you too much. (But from what little I know about him, he totally will. I hope he gets bitten by a dog on his way to work tomorrow...Okay, maybe that was too mean...)

  2. You're a MOM. I think it's like a law or something for Moms to having sewing machines. Hey, I can crochet, too! I don't have the patience for afghans, that's my grandmother's specialty. My specialty with a crocheting needle is scarves. (Which actually started out as afghans but I always lost patience way too soon and wound up with scarves.) You should totally share pictures of your afghans. It's only fair, you know.

    Jerkface did complain to Padawan. But don't worry. I had that all figured I. I said I thought I was alone since he'd been working all day all week long and he hadn't made any noise, how could I possibly have known he wasn't gone? The idea is for JERKFACE to know that I'm being mean, not Padawan.

  3. *Giggling* I totally love that you planned your excuses in advance. Very clever of you. :)

    I guess I can take some pictures of the afghans I've made, but only if you share pictures of your scarves. I like scarves, maybe I'll make one sometime just so I can say I did it. But I would have to find the time to get it done, and that definitely won't happen until school is over and done with. Sigh...

  4. I like to plan, and plan again. It's always best to have an excuse ready when you're planning on doing some rule breaking.

    I'll have to get those scarves from my sisters. I never kept any of mine because my sisters love them so much. I'm sure Relly would be happy to lend me a picture of her most recent acquisition.


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