Tuesday, November 30, 2010

I think it sounds fun to wake up naked in the woods with a chicken in my hands.

I think I might turn into a werewolf on the next full moon. Padawan doesn't believe me. That's his mistake. He will be the first person I bite in my new wolf form. And I will be a terrifying werewolf, not a giant teddy bear thing that looks like a wolf puppy that ate a bag of Miracle-Gro.

I mean a vicious, human eating monstrosity from the horror tales of old that didn't end with a werewolf falling in love and turning over a new leaf or find a cure...

Why will I be a werewolf? Because of THIS thing: ----> Alright, so I wrapped it up in a lot of bandages because frankly I'm paranoid about infection, and I could have sworn it looked red and puffy this morning, and I didn't want to get gangrene, so I doused it in a second helping of peroxide and slathered it with Neosporin before I wrapped it up.

I didn't actually consider taking a picture of it when it happened because it was bleeding, and looking at blood grosses me out, especially when it's my own blood, even in a picture. Though I guess it would have been wise to do because then you could see with your own eyes the mark of the wolf on my arm.

Yup. That's right. I have claw marks wrapped around my delicate little wrist, and they're probably going to leave scars unless I turn into a werewolf and my skin regenerates into pure perfection. Which I'm just vain enough to wish for because I can't stand having scars on any part of my body, especially parts of my body that can easily be viewed. Such as my wrist. (I did just try to pull up the bandages to take a picture for you guys anyway, but when I tried to pull it up it hurt my skin and I didn't want to pull it again because I'm not really what you could call pain tolerant and I knew I'd start crying if I kept it up. I'll have to clean it again tomorrow so then I'll take a picture. Unless it's infected, then I'll take myself to a hospital and beg them to save my arm before they have to amputate.)

Anyway, so what happened was this: last night Padawan and I ventured forth to the far away land of Lago Vista to take my darling Choo Choo to my grandparents' house, where she will be staying for the next nineteen days until we move to our new apartment. (It's all for the best, really. It's impossible to get any packing done with her running under my feet or grabbing onto my jeans.) Little did I know, my younger sister's puppy, Kira, had grown another ten pounds since the last time I saw her. Which isn't really a problem if she was a normal dog that understood her size problem.

Unfortunately for me, Kira thinks she's a small dog like Choo Choo, so when Choo Choo jumps up on my lap, Kira thinks she's just as entitled. Kira is a wolf/doberman mix. She's four months old and weighs a whopping forty pounds and she's still growing. She's huge and she won't hold still long enough for us to trim her nails, so she's got giant wolf paws with sharp wolf claws which are perfectly shaped for digging into soft flesh.

When she jumped up on me, her claws caught my arms and raked around. I'm not sure who made the louder noise: me when I screamed bloody murder, or Choo Choo and Kira when they howled in response to my shrieks of pain. I might have added something to the effect of, "Kira, if you ever do that again I'm going to box your ears so hard your brain is going to bleed!"

Not that she understood the threat. And anyway, I'm pretty sure her behavior last night while I was trying to eat dinner indicates she knows I'm full of hot air and I wouldn't so much as slap her nose, let alone smack her hard enough to hurt her. It's not just that I don't really believe in hitting animals as a form of discipline, it's also that she's a freaking wolf breed and she could jump on me and swallow me whole if she felt so inclined. I'm not particularly inclined to hit things that could kill me.

But it's the wolf part that makes me think I'm probably going to turn into a werewolf. That's they way it happens in books and movies: you get bitten or scratched by a wolf and then you become one. So awesome! I hope I can remember the things I do in my werewolf body because they'd probably make for far more interesting blogs than I'm ordinarily capable of writing. I'd be like a guest blogger on my own blog: Tales from the Wolf. That might be fun.

Now I'm going to be severely disappointed if I don't turn into a werewolf for the full moon next month. I'm all looking forward to it and it's infinite possibilities of awesomeness now. Balls.

1 comment:

  1. I would really like to see those "Chanel-Wolf" posts. That could be very interesting. Let me know how it goes.


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