Wednesday, November 17, 2010

It's all because of Grapefruit Juice. Thanks, Doc, for the warning.

You know what? I've never understood those scenes in movies where someone wakes up in a hospital in horrible pain, and they've got a white gown on and there's that stupid beeping from the monitors and they see someone, usually a nurse, and say, "Am I dead?"

It irritates me. Why? Because if you were dead, it just wouldn't hurt.

Every time I feel this agony, I know very well that I am not dead, because dead would feel so much better than the alien in my stomach trying to rip it's way out. It is just baffling to me that writers seem to think that the first thing a victim of some horrible crime will say, "Am I dead?" despite the clear indication that they aren't because there is pain.

It would make more sense if they woke up and said, "Please, kill me now, I can't stand the pain." In fact, that's exactly what I screamed when I woke up at three o'clock this morning, certain I was already dying and that the only way to end the pain was to shorten the process and end it right then. 

Of course, all I did was wake up Padawan, who hadn't understood what I'd screamed, he only knew that I had screamed and I was tossing and turning and crying because I was hurting. And since I'm clearly writing this right now and still in ridiculous amounts of pain, it's very clear he didn't do me the favor of putting me out of my misery. But he did heat up my rice sock, which helped enough to ease me back to sleep for a few hours.

Really, I knew this would happen. I knew that when I decided to go ahead and just reset my body that there would be no turning back and I would have to endure pain and more pain for a week. I knew that I would have to see it through from Sunday to Sunday and that anything in between would be necessary to stop the hemorrhaging.

Oh, and I now know what the hell through my body off in the first place. And I will just give SOMEBODY the benefit of the doubt and assume that he had NO IDEA what he was doing when he did it. But basically a gallon of Grapefruit juice came into my possession and I was drinking it every day for a month, and THAT'S what caused this whole problem. Grapefruit evidently prevents estrogen from being absorbed into the body, which is bad news for women on birth control. So basically when I was drinking the juice it was like I was suddenly not taking my BC and my body freaked out and went into overload. And Padawan and I were shocked when I found that article. But we're not blaming the giver of the juice because, being male, he probably didn't know what the hell he was doing.

But I'd like to rip his testicles off and deep fry them in front of him before forcing them down his throat because, accidentally or not, he's the reason I've been suffering for the last month and two weeks, and he's the reason I had to hit reset. Which makes him responsible for THIS right now. Stupid bastard.

And you know what? I think my doctor shares some responsibility in this, because grapefruit juice is something pretty common for people to drink. Shouldn't she have WARNED me that it would negate my BC before I went on the Pill? I mean, she warned me about antibiotics, but not the grapefruit. And when I called and asked they said, "Oh, yeah, that happens a lot." Well it's a damn good thing I'm not capable of having children, otherwise I might have wound up pregnant thanks to their lack of warning. 

I'm angry. And typing really hard like this makes the pain easier. But I think I'm going to go and curl up in the fetal position and cry for a while again because that also makes me feel a little better. If you've never noticed, sometimes all you've got is the scream, and it does help.


  1. I am SOOO sorry you're in so much pain! I can relate, and I can honestly say that that kind of misery SUCKS!!! I know that doesn't make you feel any better, but I just want you to know that I completely empathize with your situation. :(

    I really hope the pain will stop soon...(Preferably NOT because you're dead.) Take lots of Excedrin, Ibuprofen, or whatever pain meds work best for you...(probably not all at once)...

  2. Seriously? Grapefruit juice??? That's crazy. Sorry you're in so much pain, darlin'--at least you have somebody to take care of you. Even if it's the same somebody who gave you the grapefruit juice in the first place.

  3. Padawan didn't give me the grapefruit juice. I didn't realize it sounded like he did. It would be mean for me to want to deep fry Padawan's balls... Anyway, I'll give you three guesses who DID give me the juice, though...let's just say that even when he's trying to do something nice, he still comes out being a JERKFACE.

    Anyway, thanks to both of you. For the record, Padawan brought me home a big bottle of Excedrin Migraine, the holy grail of pain killers. And for twelve blissful hours, the world was pain free.

    And then I woke up this morning.

    But, it's much better today, and I'm hoping that I'm done with ALL of this and that Sunday will bring the first of many awesome, pain-free days from now until menopause...I can dream.


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