Friday, November 5, 2010

Things I've been told, and my conclusions about them.

I've recently been informed that, apparently, it's absolutely stupid to have a blog without a theme. Well, my blog doesn't have a theme. I just write about whatever I happen to be thinking of at the moment. Sometimes a memory from my childhood, sometimes an angry rant about my Jerkface Roommate, sometimes an angry letter to my body because it's trying to kill me. There is no real connection to any of these thoughts.

So it must be reasoned that my blog is "stupid, " or at the very least that makes me stupid. 

I've also been informed that people who read Tolstoy for fun are "pretentious bastards." I read Tolstoy. Not because I have to, but because I actually enjoy classical literature and I feel a supreme pleasure when I read things written in proper, flowing, lilting English, that was actually once Russian but was translated, I believe, because I'm really very sure Tolstoy was Russian. Apparently, reading anything "old school" in the literary world makes you pretentious, unless you're really old OR you HAVE to read it for class or something. And apparently I have to be lying to make myself seem more intelligent because "nobody actually likes Tolstoy." 

So it must be reasoned that my love and appreciation for the tragic and wonderful "Anna Karenina" makes me a pretentious bastard. 

Somebody also did me the kind favor of telling me that Shakespeare is a huge phony and he stole all of his plays and poems from Christopher Merlot and Edward something or other and some other random guy who died in obscurity because he never met Elizabeth. At the same time this person also told me that my favorite play by Shakespeare, the great and wonderful "Richard III" that I've read so many times, was actually the least significant, historically speaking, of all of Shakespeare's works, and that it is "highly overrated." I thought that was pretty funny since I've been saying pretty much the same thing about "Romeo and Juliette" since I was twelve years old.

So it must be reasoned that I have bad taste in plays and play writes alike. 

And last but not least I've been told that people who write blogs are fat, lonely, pathetic people who have no friends and no one to talk to and feel that, by putting their drivel on the internet for other losers to read, they are making a difference or at the very least a real human connection, which is false. Well, I write a blog...

So it must be reasoned that I am fat, lonely, and pathetic and that my blog is drivel only read by losers and I'm not making any kind of a difference to anybody anywhere and I have no real human connection to anything.


I'm amazed by the sheer number of assholes and misinformed morons that live in my city. Great balls of fire, if I believed any of what these people said to me, I'd have to have a pretty low opinion of myself...and of the small handful of people who read my blog and write one themselves!

I'm forced to conclude after all of this information that: 

Person number one writes a blog just hoping that it will be read so he can become famous. He has no true joy in just writing to write or to connect with people. He is all about the attention, not what he's saying.

Person number two tried to read something by Tolstoy voluntarily and found that he was too stupid and vernacularly challenged to understand anything that was happening, and therefore decided that nobody could actually enjoy reading Tolstoy unless they were trying to show off. So he's jealous of those of us who can understand and love his works, though he is a very verbose writer.

Person number three has no mind of her own and is merely repeating things she's heard people she believes are smarter than herself say. She doesn't have any idea who Christopher Merlot is, and I have a feeling that if I had told her that "A Midsummer Night's Dream" was my favorite play, she would have said the exact same thing. I seriously doubt that she's even heard of a play called "Richard III" before, and she probably can't even spell Shakespeare.

Person number four is just an asshole who has obviously tried to write a blog and found that nobody was interested in ever reading his thoughts, and in an angry fit of pique has rejected the very people that rejected him. He's bitter and angry and a very sad, strangle little man.

All in all, these people have not made an impact on me or my choices, but they've given me a good laugh. 


  1. Tolstoy is good. I didn't like Anna Karenina the first time I read it, but it grew on me. Dostoevsky is my absolute favorite. I can't tell you how many times I've read his books. Victor Hugo is also great. Reading classic literature solely for enjoyment is virtually the opposite of pretentiousness. Reading classic lit to impress people would be pretentiousness. I find people throw the word "pretentiousness" around a lot (along with many other words) without having the slightest idea what it means.

    As far as a theme, I think your personality holds it together. But it doesn't matter. It's your blog. You can write whatever you want. People don't need to assume that you have to have the same goals and intentions and methods they do.

    I think you're evaluations of these people are insightful and spot on. I'm glad you can see through their nonsense and not let them get to you.

  2. Sheesh! Sounds to me like you've come into contact with some pretty bitter people. I guess I'm pretentious too, because I LOVE classic literature. Charles Dickens is one of my most favorite authors of all time. There, I said it. Don't hate me!

    I'm pretty sure I'm neither fat, lonely, or pathetic, but I'll ask around to make sure. If they confirm that diagnosis, I may have to give up blogging altogether and pick up the "National Enquirer", which is what all the really mature, informed people read...

    Oh, wait. I forgot. I don't care about what bitter, illiterate people say. Excellent responses, by the way. Well said. :)

  3. nuclearheadache: I haven't read anything by Dostoevsky, though I've had Crime and Punishment recommended to me by a co-worker who also loves classical literature. And you're right. "Pretentious" is abused by people as much as "heinous" is abused by the Marine Corps. Which is entirely too much and I feel sorry for the words themselves. As for the compliment to my blog's lack of theme, I thank you. And I'm not planning on getting a theme. I think a theme sounds limiting, anyway.

    Candice: I don't hate you for loving Dickens! I love him, too, though not nearly as much as I love Jane Austen. And you're wrong about what mature, informed people read. How could you be so silly? They all read "Reader's Digest" of course. I have no idea what's in it, but I'm pretty sure that the person who told me that we bloggers suck had a few copies of it laying on his coffee table. God, the people I meet through mutual friends. That's the last time I agree to hang out with people I haven't met before. It was a like a party for assholes and I was uncomfortable the whole time. Although, in person number four's defense, he did look extremely sheepish when I piped up that I write a blog. The subject was dropped after that.

  4. P.S. You know what's worse than the "theme" thing? Have you seen these things where they tell you to research popular keywords and searches and then to write posts about those topics to get more hits on the search engines? It's the epitome of the kind of mind-set you're talking about, someone who's in it for the recognition. Which is fine, if that's their thing, but I write about whatever I want to write about. If people find it, read it, and like it, that's great. But the writing is an end unto itself. Maybe that's not the best way to get ahead, but I'm not about to look up popular keywords and say, "Oh, I guess I need to write a post about umbrellas." I don't think the results would be very good if I did.

  5. I've seen a blog that mentioned the popular keywords thing, but it seemed like something she did more for the crazy results than for search engine hits. My English teacher used to make us do something like that where we had to write about a word she chose. I tell you there is nothing more annoying than trying to think of a way to make "sock" an interesting topic. :(


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