Friday, November 19, 2010

I got distracted and wound up writing this instead.

First, I'm going to let my girly/nerdy side hang out and say that Tom Felton was voted the sexiest actor in the Harry Potter movies, followed by Robert Pattinson, and then Daniel Radcliffe (presumably...I didn't actually read the article. I just watched a video. There's responsible blogging for you.) Twilight fans everywhere were shocked by this sudden turn of events. I'm not really surprised since most Twilight fans probably voted for Rob. Me? Well, I love Twilight and all, but when I read the books (long before the movies came out) I always pictured Tom Felton as Edward. I still do when I reread them. Weird, right? Since Tom is blond and Edward isn't, and even weirder since they ultimately decided to have an actor from Harry Potter playing Edward. Why couldn't it have been Tom? I will never know. But anyway, it's no surprise to me that Tom was voted sexiest. I'm not a fan of blond men, usually, but I love Tom Felton. Maybe because I've always loved Draco Malfoy. I don't really know.

And since I'm already on my nerdy/girly streak I'll go ahead and add that Jesse Eisenberg and his costars from The Social Network were voted the Sexiest Geeks Alive by Entertainment Weekly. No offense to EW, but they seriously need to look up the definition of the word "geek," because I think they totally screwed that up when they included Justin Timberlake in that. Justin might play a geekish character in that movie, but he is by no stretch of the human imagination a geek. He doesn't even pull off the "geek" character convincingly. And it frankly irritates me that all of the articles I found about the movie and the "Sexiest Geeks" focus on Justin (and his lame pop music) and not Jesse

Let me just get this out: Jesse Eisenberg is my latest form of celebrity crush, second only to Taylor Swift in my world. (She's my woman crush who moved Jim Sturgess from number one to number two.) Ever since I first saw him in Adventureland, I felt the same way I did when I first saw Orlando Bloom in The Lord of the Rings. Don't judge me, I was thirteen and impressionable. Jesse is everything that I find attractive in a man: pale, thin, brown haired, blue eyed, and endearingly shy and awkward. Every man I have ever dated has met this criteria (except for High School Boyfriend that was tanned and well made in a toned sense because he played football, but he was still a nerd). This is the type I am unswervingly attracted to: geeks/nerds. I find Jesse lovable in the same way I find Padawan lovable: there's just something irresistible in their mannerisms that it undeniably sexy. (My sisters do not agree.) 

Anyway, watching Jesse on Conan last night completely and totally reaffirmed my belief that he is the embodiment of sexy nerdy-ness, and Michael Cera (who was on Conan last week) comes in at a close second in nerd-ness, except that Miachael is far less endearingly awkward in interviews. But he's still adorable. And it makes me wonder how in the hell Entertainment Weekly so abominably skewed the word "geek" by including Timberlake. And making him the main topic. I'm seriously baffled that they bothered putting anything about Jesse and what's the other guy's name in at all since they focused almost exclusively on Justin Timberlake. For all that they were mentioned, they might as well have not been on the cover at all because they were an afterthought. It was really an article saying Timberlake was the sexiest geek alive. I'm not sorry to say that he's not. He's not a geek, he isn't a sexy geek, and more importantly he's not even sexy at all. I'm sorry for all of you women who think he is, but he's overrated. And he's a liar. He never brought sexy back, he just annoyed the hell out of anyone with ears with his declaration to do so.

And while we're talking about sexy men, has anyone aside from me ever found Conan attractive? Gingery and tall and lanky, (and let's be honest: I'm pretty sure Tom Felton was a natural ginger thanks to his early childhood performance in The Borrowers) he's so funny and charming that I just can't thinking, "God, he's an attractive man."  The same goes for Alan Rickman, who stole my heart with his role of Colonel Brandon in the 1995 version of Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility, in which he easily upstaged the ever-popular Hugh Grant as Edward Ferrars and Greg Wise as the scoundrel John Willoughby. I don't think I've ever heard anyone my age, or even anyone a few years older than me, declare that Alan Rickman is far more attractive than Hugh Grant. But, I've personally never been particularly fond of Hugh Grant. The only character I found more endearing than the Colonel was Mr. Palmer, played by a younger and still impossibly sarcastic Hugh Laurie. And I think everybody except my grandmother has some form of crush on Hugh Laurie, so that's not all that unusual I guess.

You know...I was planning on giving my opinion on eating at the table like a family, but I somehow only managed to work in a bunch of irrelevant, pop-culture drivel that means absolutely nothing except that I have absolutely no life because I bother keeping up with these things. (Okay, most of my pop-culture news comes from watching Conan, and I'm proud of that, but it's still sad to blog about it. Maybe.)

But since I've already gone down the pop-culture path of no return can I just say that I have lost all respect for Pistachios and will probably never eat them again? Surely you know why. I can't be the only person in the world that's seen that Pistachios commercial in which Snooki (that tacky, fat, bright orange oompa loompa from Jersey Shore) uses a tanning bed to crack open a pistachio before eating it. And then the tag line says, "Snooki does it with UV rays." I don't even know where to start on this one. Her whoreish costume that makes her look like a prostitute propositioning the viewer? The ridiculous way of using a tanning bed to crack open a nut? The confusing message they give when they say, "Snooki does it with UV rays?" This commercial makes no sense and is tacky.

It just makes me want to know...what the hell is wrong with the world? 


  1. Holy Freakin' Crap!!! I TOTALLY agree with you on the Alan Rickman as Colnel Brandon thing. He basically stole the show. I actually watched a Sense and Sensibility mini-series type movie a few months ago. It was really good, but guess what was missing? That's right, Alan Rickman. NO ONE will EVER be able to play Colnel Brandon again. Alan's just too good!

    Hugh Laurie is a favorite of mine, too. He's hilarious and has that semi-geeky, British attractiveness that I just find it too hard to resist.

    I looked at that list, and liked what I saw. Tom Felton has definitely come into his own, sexiness-wise. I absolutely ADORED him in the 6th movie. He completely stole that show!

    Aaaahhh...The awesomeness of British actors. Don't get me started, I may never stop. ;)

  2. Oh my God! You think so, too?!?!?!?! WHEE! That just totally made my day. My Mom and sisters just laughed at me when I said that I adored him! I didn't realize they'd made a recent mini-series, but you can bet I'm going to go ahead and search it on Netflix to see if I can stream it instantly.

    Tom Felton and I have been madly in love since his performance in the Borrowers when he was eight and I was seven. I'm not really sure if he realizes he's loved me all these years, but that doesn't matter. He DID steal the show in HP&HBP, and I was completely baffled when he didn't win any awards (that I know of) for his role. know, I never really noticed until you just said that...but a lot of my favorite actors are British. I'm going to go out a limb here and offer a theory for this: the British accent is absolutely, undeniably irresistible, especially when combined with nerd/geek-ness.

  3. Yep, I think I can easily agree with the British accent + Nerd/Geek-ness formula. I wonder why no one has ever figured that one out before?

    PS: Let me know when your wedding to Tom will be taking place, and be sure to send me an invite. :)


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