Sunday, November 14, 2010

I feel like this is all over the place crazy.

Generally, I don't blog on Sundays. Not for any religious reasons. I'm not religious. But because Sundays generally find me sleeping in until noon and watching horribly cheesy movies (Caveman, anyone?) as I relax and enjoy the only part of the weekend I am guaranteed to have off ten of twelve months a year.

But I did promise Relly, my older sister, that I'd put her in my blog. I think she's somehow under the delusion that my blog has a wider following than it does. (I'm up to eight people. That's almost all of my fingers!) I think she likes the idea of being famous on the internet or something.

Anyway, a promise is a promise.

On Friday, while I was enjoying my surprise day off, Mom and Brat and Relly all issued an invitation for me to join them for lunch. They had all driven into Austin together that morning (Mom lives in Georgetown, Relly and Brat live in Lago) to accompany Relly on her trip to the Court House. She had to pay a five hundred dollar ticket, presumably for driving without insurance, but she wouldn't tell us. I'm pretty sure, though, that it was a no insurance ticket. Since they were all in the relative area of my apartment, they picked me up and we headed on over to Texadelphia, a particularly delicious sandwich place that has food that can only be described as orgasmic. 

I don't even like burgers (I despise ground beef) but every six months or so I'll have a craving for the fat and grease and order one. Texadelphia has a mushroom burger that is like heaven on whole wheat buns. It is so good you don't even mind the fact that you can feel your arteries clogging when you bite into the meat. 

Anyway, while we were there, I mentioned Proposition 19 being discussed on Conan (because I love all things Coco and I hate Leno and NBC with a passion that is equaled by nothing) and I said something about how people who are really effing high generally believe they sound brilliant, but they actually sound stupid. 

Relly, a stoner since high school, disagreed. Here is the argument:

"No, I have my best, most awesome, smartest ideas when I'm high as a kite! Yesterday I was watching The Best Little Whore House in Texas and I came up with my best idea ever!

First, let me just say here that any fool can see that no "best idea ever" can possibly come from The Best Little Whore House in Texas. Brat, Mom, and I just started laughing.

"Relly, no good idea could possibly follow The Best Little Whore House in Texas. I'm sorry, but it's just not possible."

"But it is possible! Just listen!" 

And she followed with a half baked scheme to start a bed and breakfast/brothel made with beautiful girls twenty one and over who have no place else to go. 

My sister wants to be a Madame.

And she couldn't understand why we laughed harder and harder the more and more she talked about it. Aside from the fact that prostitution is illegal everywhere except Nevada and she wants to set up shop in Austin, my sister lacks common sense as well as business sense. She can't keep her money to save her life, how is she going to start a bed and breakfast or a brothel? She couldn't afford a down payment on a building.

And then in the middle of our laughing Wheat called Brat. Wheat recently eloped, as you know, and she and her husband are living on their land in Terlingua. We've been waiting for her call. Last week she had a tumor from her breast removed the size of an apple. And while I was pretty sure it was benign (it was smooth around the edges and was able to be pushed around and moved instead of remaining stationary, which are both indicative of a benign tumor) we were all still worried. But we got the call that said, "Hey! My biopsy came back! It was benign!" so we stopped worrying and started celebrating.

Of course, Wheat was upset that we were all out to lunch without her. But we didn't feel bad for her because she eloped and moved five hours away, and it's not our fault. 

And that's about all I have time for right now. I have to finish getting ready because Padawan and I are going to fill out applications for...OUR NEW APARTMENT! Wish us luck on getting it. We really hope we do. It's conveniently located and a good size and brand freaking new, never been lived in, and it's in the right price range and the fenced in dog park is perfect for my nutball dog that likes to run figure eights in wide open spaces leash free. Granted, make almost enough by myself to qualify for the apartment, and that's just hourly not counting commission and monthly inventory. And I have savings, too. So the two of us together should be able to get it. I HOPE HOPE HOPE!!!!!

*clear throat* Sorry. I got a little excited.


  1. Wow, that hardly even qualifies as an idea. That's just watching a movie and thinking, "I should do that!"

    However, I think pot sometimes gets confused with some of the people who smoke it, and gets a bad name. Not that I'm putting down your sister. I'm sure she's a lovely and intelligent person. I hope her the best of luck with her "bed & breakfast."

  2. I love my sister. But my sister...well...My sister is a goose. Do people even use that word anymore? Well, I do. I will be the first to say it: my sister is not the shiniest shard on the chandelier.

  3. Chanel, I am at this very moment wishing and hoping that you and Padawan will be able to get the apartment that you want. Make sure you keep us all posted. (Because your personal life is totally our business, right?)

    I'm glad Wheat is going to be okay, and Relly's idea just might be crazy enough to be brilliant. Let me know how that goes. :)

  4. WEEEEEEEEEEEEE GOT THE APAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARTMENT! They approved us thirty minutes after we left, no deposit! WHEEEEEEEE! Can you tell? I'm super SUPER excited. You can't see my excited face. It's a big smile. WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

  5. YAY!!! Woot Woot!!! Good for you guys, happy moving! :)


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