Friday, February 18, 2011

You can't use a DeLorean to travel back in time.

Before you say it: I know. I changed my blog design again. Did you expect anything less? I think I'm going to be working through all of the colors. I did blue, red, orange, I'm doing greens. I think next will probably be purple or yellow. I'm not entirely certain. You never can tell what I'm going to do next. I might love this design so much that I leave it up permanently.

And before you say the next bit. Yes, I've got a new tree.

What is it with me and trees? 

I don't know. I feel like I should keep with the tree thing, though. It's totally working for me. I've become really good at finding different colored trees. I found a simple method. Go to Google. Select images. Type in the name of the color I'm looking for+tree. In this case "aqua+tree" was my search.

Bam. Instant results.

And look at that. It's such a pretty tree. I think it's CGI, but that's not particularly important. It doesn't have to be a real tree. Just an awesome tree. I'm only sad that I couldn't find a tree with a bench. I considered putting in a bench myself, but I lack the Photoshop software and paint just couldn't do it well enough to make it look like I didn't just throw it in there.

So you're stuck with a tree without a bench. But it's a pretty tree. No, please. Continue to admire it for another couple of seconds. I'll wait.

I think you all know what spurred my blog design. I think you guys may or may not have noticed my bookshelf at the bottom of my page, conveniently located under my post. Or that's the homepage, anyway. On the individual blog entries with comments it is located under the comments section.

Anyway, I found this awesome gadget at Brent's blog a couple of days ago (it's called Shelfari), and I was completely taken with the idea of displaying some of my favorite reads on my page. So taken, in fact, that I spent three hours of my Wednesday searching for my favorite books and meticulously designing my bookshelf so that it was the right color and width and then finding just the right spot for it to live on my blog. I think it looks very happy down there, don't you? I even did some reviews, but only because I thought I had to do it. Now that I know I didn't have to do it I'm going to go ahead and delete my reviews because I hate writing them and I never know what to say.

If I could go back in time, I would totally hop into Doc's DeLorean time machine and stop myself from wasting so much time writing those stupid reviews that I didn't even want to write in the first place. I really do suck at reviewing things and I didn't know what to say. I know why I love all of these books, but there's really no way to explain that to other people. Trying to do it was just miserable.

Hey, look at that! I went back in time and destroyed the reviews! You can't see them now! Ha HA! 

I'm not telling you how I did it, though. That stuff is secret, and anyway, I'm not sure if anyone other than myself can be trusted with the secret to time travel. You can see I did it the proper way that left no paradoxes. Anybody else wouldn't be so careful and might actually cause a rift in the space-time continuum that would be disastrous.  We can't have that now, can we?

Of course not. So the secret is safe with me. And Doug who actually discovered a way to e-mail himself in the past without any paradoxes. The secret is between the two of us, only my secret is better because I actually went back in time. He merely e-mailed. By the way, Doug, does this qualify me for the Cool Kids Time Travel Club with you and Bryan

Muah ha haaa. 

By the way, the proper way to travel through time looks nothing like this: 

It actually looks more like this:

But I'm still not telling you how I got to that tunnel.

By the way, I thought I'd let you guys know that somebody ate a coworker's candy on Monday. The Valentine's Candy the South Store always sends to us ladies on Valentine's Day to make us feel special. Somebody ate her box of chocolates because she called in on Monday, like she does every Monday, with the most obvious lie she could have used. And then she called in Tuesday with the same excuse. Twice the lie. Which is why three employees decided to split her candy amongst themselves.

Do I know who did it?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Am I going to tell her?

No. No, I'm not.

And not just because I'm one third of the guilty party. (I ate the caramel filled chocolate.) I'm not telling her who did it because she deserved it. She's hungover on Mondays. She's always hungover on Mondays, which is why she calls in. But every Monday she gives the same excuse: her kid is sick. 

Her kid is sick every single Monday. I don't know how that works. If my kid was sick every single week, I'd take her to a specialist. And never mind the fact that her kid is home schooled by her grandparents who live with her, so if her kid ever really IS sick, she's already got two caregivers who can take care of her while mommy dearest goes to work. 

Also, if her kid was sick she would call in first thing in the morning when the store opens. But she always calls in thirty minutes after she's supposed to be here. Because she overslept. Because she's hungover. 

Do you all concur that it was bullshit? 

So she deserved to have her candy eaten, and the other two involved told her point blank, "If you had been her Monday, you would have had candy."

This coworker calls in at least once a week, sometimes twice a week. And then she complains that her commission is small, and her paychecks pathetic. Well, sweetheart, that's the way the world works. Don't come to work, don't make money. 

I think I've said enough.


  1. I'm glad on not the only one who spends too much time on meticulous design. I don't feel quite so neurotic. Of course I'm basing that on the fact that I share something in common with someone who has the word "neurotic" in the title of their blog. So maybe I shouldn't feel all that much better.

    And you're in the club as far as I'm concerned :)

  2. I love the bookshelf and the colors. I have no idea how to change my background to anything not already programmed into blogger. I really have to work on that. I'm dying for a change in the look. I am most likely going to be stealing that bookshelf thingy too! :-)

    As for confessing to eating chocolates of a work need. She totally got what was coming to her.

  3. Wow, that book shelf thing is really cool. You are the mactress of blog design.
    I had the same Monday problem when I was in school. You were right to split the candy between three of you. That way nobody can rat you out without ratting themselves out.

  4. Bryan, you should totally feel better. I'm an awesome example of Neurotics that lead relatively successful lives. And blog designs are important. You should totally obsess about it. Your blog design says everything about you. (My continually changing blog design says that I'm crazy.)

    Yay! I'm in the club! W00t!

    Jewels, it's pretty easy. I had to tinker with it when I first started my blog, but it gets easier the more you use it. I learn something new every time I change my design. And I thought you might like a Shelfari of your own since you like to read. I was hoping you'd spread it around.

    Thanks for not condemning me. It was the best tasting chocolate ever. :)

  5. Yay for wormholes and time travel! I like the green except your archive and blogs people should read are hard to see...other than that, awesome!

    I have an employee who does that too. It is a wonder she still has a job. If it were entirely up to me she would have been gone two years ago.
    Funny Stuff I Write And Draw

  6. George, I had to go to Urban Dictionary to look up mactress because I wasn't familiar with the term. Female equivalent of mac-daddy? Nifty. I'll have to add that to my vocabulary.

    Same Monday problem...hung over or people eating your candy? And I don't think we actually thought of it that way. We were all angry and the number of candies just happened to divide evenly by three.

  7. Charlie, I noticed the problem with the green. I'm in the process of testing different colors in the designer. I think I'm going to need a custom color for it.

    Sometimes we all have to wonder...why do bosses keep the bad employees around? Is it really that hard to fire someone who isn't pulling their weight?

  8. *takes note* Blog design totally tells people about me. Got it.

    Now, about this hungover coworker. A kid can totally be sick on Monday if they spent the entire weekend caring for themselves doing whatever they want, however they want to do it. Yes, Grandparents are involved, but they might be just as slacking in the parenting department as the actual parent. If she spent the weekend trying to find a money bank to take care of her and the (I assume fatherless child) orphan, then one must understand the situation. Not that I am implying anything, just offering another perspective. Anyway, chocolate is good no matter who it belongs to. I say good eating.

    I do wish I still dabbled in mind altering drugs as your new layout would greatly provide images for my pink elephants to hang out in. As for the bench, we can accept that it fell victim to your attempt to travel in time. A paradoxical victim of circumstance if you will.

  9. Oh holy Jesus, I seriously want my own bookshelf now! Am I going to stay up all night working on one? *shaking the 8-ball* All signs point to yes! Hot Damn!

    But in other news, your coworker story was so funny. I'm still laughing. Every Monday?! She needs to be shot. And then, how is it she's too hungover to work on Monday AND has kids? I'll get kinda tipsy once in a while on the weekends but never to the point I can't work! My kids get me up at 6:30 every morning for goodness sake. I can't be hungover for that. That would be a dangerous situation. I'm bad enough before I get my coffee...

  10. Scott: I think it says something about your personality or at the very least you can always tell a man's blog from a woman's. Mock me if you like, but it's true.

    Could be...but there is the Fiancée that lives with them that also works out of the home and helps with the homeschooling in the math department who was also fully capable of taking care of said sick kid. And he's very helpful. (It doesn't help that she posts on her facebook that she's so hungover she feels like she's going to die.)

    Hannah, yay! Spread the bookshelf love! I can't wait to see your finished product! Or rather...the beginning product since I think the bookshelves will always be changing.

    No, if we shot her she'd NEVER come to work and then I'd have to do her job. Which I do anyway, come to think of it. And the difference is you do it every once in a while. That makes you the responsible parent, and her...a less responsible parent.

  11. I would have taken the caramels too. They're my absolute favorite! And that girl totally deserved to lose her candy to the peope who weren't hungover and who actually showed up to work when they were supposed to be there. Good on you all!

    I like the greens, and the tree is oh so lovely. Very nicely done. The bookshelf is great too. Love it! :)

  12. They tasted extra good. It might have been the sweet taste if revenge. I do not feel bad. And the other two are more pleased with the whole thing than I am. But they are men.

    My greens kind of make me want mint chocolate chip ice cream...

  13. Thanks for the shout-out, Chanel. Glad I could be the source of so much joy, though I did steal it from someone else myself.

    I have to tell you that the reason I like the bookshelf is to give some good personal recommendations. Why you like a book is plenty, I think. If you allow the random editorial reviews to do that job, your readers might feel like you don't care about them. :) Maybe you can go back in time again and reinstate what you wrote earlier. Or would that cause some kind of paradox that would destroy our present reality and veer us off into a parallel world where Biff is a gambling king and Marty McFly's mother has a boob job?

    And about not getting fired for doing a crappy job: maybe she has tenure.
    It Just Got Interesting

  14. oh, I mock not young Jedi. I just want to make sure people do not think of me as a Japanese prophet of some sort with a grudge against Christianity is all. Would not want to unfairly profile myself.

  15. Brent, you're welcome for the shout out. I told you I would give you credit.

    I didn't like the reviews that I did bother doing. Trying to tell people why I like a book is hard. My thoughts don't really transfer well and I tend to run on and on anyway. This is why I leave such notoriously long comments. I talk to much in person, and I type to much on the computer.

    Scott (or Yoda?), I did think you were a Japanese prophet that loves to take of his sand garden. Guess I have to rethink that one.

  16. I think I have figured out what my blog design says about me: I'm lazy. Oh, and I guess if Bryan says so, you're in the club.

  17. Yay! I'm in the club!

    No. It says that you are a stick figure.


My Shelfari Bookshelf

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog