Last night I turned out the lights to go to bed, realized I forgot to take out my contacts, and decided to navigate the darkness to the bathroom without a flashlight. Unfortunately I over estimated the curve to the bathroom and walked straight into Padawan's desk, which is to the left of the bathroom door.
There was a loud CLANK! The kind of clank that is made when something metal strikes something glass, and then CLUNK! The clunk was the sound of metal striking wood. I'd knocked something over.
Padawan turned over and sat up. "What the hell fell over?"
I flicked on the bathroom light and looked on the desk, fearing the worst. (Padawan's brand new laptop was recently destroyed when Little Brother knocked over a full glass of water on his desk and straight into the motherboard. His concern was understandable, and so was mine since we just got him a new $1000 computer and $300 monitor.) Instant relief. "Oh, nothing important. It was just the grenade."
"Oh." And he rolled over to go back to sleep.
I thought about what we'd just said, and I started laughing. Really, really laughing. The kind of laughter that sounds almost maniacal and should be used in a movie when the super villain succeeds at her diabolical plan.
"What's so funny?"
"If anyone else had heard that, they would be so confused. Possibly freaked out. I just told you I knocked over a grenade and you went right back to bed like it didn't matter!"
Padawan started laughing, too, because it is a pretty unusual conversation.
What did I mean by grenade?
Why, I meant it in the literal sense, of course. All the more reason to laugh. Before you guys freak out and think I'm utterly insane, let me explain the story. Obviously there are no explosives or detonators inside of this grenade. It is just the empty metal shell with the pin. Padawan's best friend is in the army and he gave me this shell to use as a bookend or paperweight when he came to visit a couple of years ago. It is very heavy despite being empty. It's not going to explode or anything. (Just in case, though, we've never removed the pin.) You never can be too careful, after all.
In other news, I've decided I'm going to make my own award.
I think I'm going to call it the "You Made Me Laugh So Hard I Snorted Award!"
Or something else. It's a work in progress.
I don't think I'm going to give it any rules, though. Rules are boring. Or maybe I will make some really fun rules. Like, "When you receive this award you have to put on a silly hat, do your favorite dance move, and record it in a fifteen second video that must then be posted on your blog upon receiving the award."
Then again, what if someone gave the award back to me for revenge and I had to follow that rule?
On second thought...no. That's a bad idea for a rule. Anyway, I don't actually know how to upload videos, and I don't really think I want to learn. Of course, then I could put up that video of Choo Choo on pain medication when I'm pretty sure she thought her tail was following her. And that video of Little Brother playing Scary Maze. Then again...I did promise Little Brother that I would never show anyone outside of Padawan and myself that video.
Is it immoral to break a promise to a nine year old?
Alright, fine. I won't do it. But you're missing out on some really funny video footage, just so you know. He was terrified, and the look on his face was priceless. He was easily ten times funnier than the kids on the video currently floating around YouTube.
Now that I've laughed a good deal today, I think I'll actually get some work done. There's a pile of numbers waiting to be called. I could probably tackle it in ten or fifteen minutes tops.
Who am I kidding? I'm going to finish that drawing I was working on yesterday and fax it to our friends at our South Store. What? You didn't know I could use a fax machine? Pshaw. I'm a receptionist. That's the more professional, less sexist way of saying secretary. Of course I can use a fax machine.
Don't worry. I'll make those calls eventually. I just don't like calling people before noon. I think it's rude, mostly because I think it's rude when someone calls me before noon. Even when I'm already awake, it's just rude. I could have been sleeping.
See that? Well, no you actually can't. But right as I said that my phone started ringing. Some telemarketer calling me at 11:30 in the morning when I could be sleeping! It's actually even more rude since I'm working, but does that stop them? No.
Telemarketers are selfish bastards. Sometimes I like to answer the phone and pretend I'm a little girl. They always buy it, poor souls. Remind me to tell you some of my greater telemarketer pranking moments some time. I think you'll get a kick out of them.
Great. I've just been informed that I'm being pulled to the counter. So I'm cutting off this rambling bit of nonsense for now. Wish me luck. I'm not even wearing shoes today. (Yes, I took my boots off when I got to work so I could sit at my desk in my stocking feet. Don't you wish you could do it even just a little bit?)