Monday, February 21, 2011

Beware of the last picture. It's adorable.

Oh. My. Gosh.

You guys are not going to believe this. Really. You're not.

That coworker who called in Monday and Tuesday last week because her kid was sick? She called in Saturday, too. She said allergies were so bad she couldn't see so she couldn't drive. 

But there's more.

She just called in again. You know what she said? Her kid is sick. She has to take her to the doctor.


We all thought she would have surely gotten the message about her absences when a team of disgruntled coworkers ate her Valentine's candy.  I'm pretty sure that, if I was in her shoes, having, "Well, if you had been here Monday it wouldn't have happened," snapped at me after complaining, I would have taken the hint.

Stop calling in and do your damn job. 

Is the message really that hard to understand? 

I didn't think so, but I'm evidently more intuitive. Do we need to write it out in black and white for her? Tattoo it to her forehead maybe?  Backwards, of course, so she can read it when she looks in the mirror. 

That complaint aside, I've decided I'm going to share something with you guys today. This is a video of Atomic Tom, one of my new favorite bands. And if you haven't seen this already...where have you been? (Yes, I learned how to upload a video just for this. Yay!)

Seeing as this band is freaking awesome with just iPhones, I figured they must be pretty talented. This video inspired my trip to Amazon where I downloaded, for a mere $7.99, the entire album with this song on it. (Amazon was also kind enough to immediately save it to my music files AND to my iTunes, making it really easy for me. Thank you, Amazon.) And you know what? They freaking rocked my socks. In fact, I'm pretty sure Apple owes them a lot of money for the advertisement. 

They could make a commercial with them. Like, "Need rock instruments to play a gig? There's an app for that."

I listen to them every day. I just love the way they sound. And I love this song. It's definitely my favorite from the album. How did I not hear of them before? Well, it's probably because they're from New York and I live in Texas, and they've never played a show in Austin. I'm hoping they'll come to South By this year. (That's South By Southwest, for you non-Austinites.) I don't really care for South By. In fact, I hate it just as much as I hate ACL. (Austin City Limits.) Why? 

Tourists take over the damn city. I hate tourists. They mispronounce all of the streets, ask stupid questions, and generally act entitled to my attention because they're giving our city business. Also, they wear socks with sandals. Ick. 

But if they ever do come out here, I'm totally going to the show. 

Speaking of shows, one of my coworkers, JC, has a gig coming up on March 14th at Kick Butt Coffee here in Austin. His band is called Attic Asylum, and it's one of four bands that he's in. This one is purely instrumental. There's a bass, a guitar, a drummer. And get this...A bassoonist.

I know, right?

The thing is, though, they're pretty pleasant to listen to when you want to relax. They've got this really mellow sound that just calms you down. If you follow that link to their Facebook you can listen to one of their recordings. It was done on a cell phone, obviously, but it's not bad.

Enough pimping other people.

My mother recently uploaded a picture onto her Facebook. I think she just took a picture of the picture rather than just scanning it into the computer, which accounts for the blurry appearance.

Doesn't matter how blurry  it is, though. The point is this: I was freaking adorable. Look at that cute little face. Who could possibly resist the cuteness represented in this picture? No wonder I was everybody's favorite growing up. That face combined with my personality? I could have ruled the world.

Unfortunately, world domination didn't pop into my head until my teenage years. I missed the window of opportunity. Or...what was it Captain Jack said? "If you were waiting for the opportune moment...that was it."

Oh well. It's not too late for world domination. It's just not going to be nearly as easy now that I'm no longer that adorable. Still, what I lack in irresistible cuteness I make up for with devilish cunning. 


  1. Stupid coworker! I wish there was some sort of card for people who suck. I would actually buy those cards and hand them out like candy (candy I don't care about like those orange and black taffy things that you can only find around Halloween).

    Good luck taking over the world! The last picture makes me dizzy. Not sure if it is the blur or the waves of adorableness...
    Funny Stuff I Write And Draw

  2. Somehow I kind of missed the debate over this "hungover" co-worker a few posts back. I had to go back and look. I suppose Scott had a plausible theory about the kid...I guess, binging on Cheetos and Chocolate and staying up too late over the unsupervised weekends, and then be legitimately sick on Mondays. Somehow, though, I'm not buying it. It's possible. But I think it's far more likely she just doesn't feel like coming in one Mondays, and she's using the kid as an excuse. This means: 1.) She's crying wolf for every other woman who has a kid that's actually sick. 2.) She's reinforcing a certain chauvinistic stereotype about women employees being unreliable because of special treatment involving their kids. In effect, she's making all female employees look bad. So, basically, I don't think you should lose any sleep over eating her candy.

  3. I hate those orange and black taffy things. They don't taste very good and they get stuck in your teeth for days no matter how many times you floss. And they take forever to chew, too. I would give her a whole bag of them with a card that said, "HAHA! You suck!" Like that kid from the Simpsons.

    It might be the blur. You should never take pictures of pictures with a cell phone camera. There are good cameras made for that purpose. But we'll SAY it was the adorable that made you dizzy. It's more fun that way.

  4. Bryan, I'm not losing any sleep over that candy. Neither are the other two guilty parties. In fact, we all wish she had another candy supply for us to eat today. It would serve her right.

    She IS feeding that stupid stereotype about women. And being that she's the ONLY employee at our store that has children, it's just irritating to the rest of us because we know she's full of crap. She's supposed to come in later today, but we've got a pool going that she calls around three to say that her kid needs her to stay home. More's President's Day. Are doctors' office even OPEN on national holidays?

  5. You know, I'm not sure whether they are open are not. She could be talking about the emergency room, but I highly doubt that. At any rate, I don't think your boss would be out of line if he told her to bring in a note.'s a touchy subject, which, of course, is why the woman is exploiting it to her advantage in the first place.

  6. From my own sister's school days, I know for a fact that you can forge a doctor's note with ease as long as you have Microsoft Word and a printer. So if she brought in a note, I wouldn't trust it anyway. I'm pretty sure doctor's offices are closed on President's Day, though.

  7. That picture is truly adorable. I was pretty sure I was the cutest child EVER (I peaked at 3) but you may have given me a run for my money. Good thing we don't live close to one another or I'd have had to take you down.

    The video didn't work when I clicked on it-which made me incredibly sad since you raved about them. :-(

  8. Nah, I was a sweet little thing. I would have won you over with my charm and we would have moved to take on the world together.

    WHAT? Why didn't the video work? It was perfect! I know it was! Maybe I should have included a link?

  9. VERY cute. Love the picture. I think the reason it's so blurry is because the computer couldn't handle that level of adorableness. It would have exploded.

    Good luck with the world domination. If you start handing out those brownies to people, the process should go a LOT more quickly. Just make sure you never reveal the recipe to anyone else, or they may try to use the information to foil your plans! (Just make sure I get an advisory post in your cabinet when you're the undisputed leader of the universe, and we'll call it even.) :)

  10. Yes...that could explain the blurry factor. I think maybe it could have handled the overload if I wasn't holding that little umbrella. I think it's the umbrella that does it all in.

    Oh, I won't be sharing that recipe with anyone. I will, however, footnote you if I should ever make them again. Which I probably will for my sisters since I'm pretty sure the brownies' magic spell won't work on women. And if it does, so much the better. My sisters should be my slaves, anyway. You will TOTALLY be on my cabinet. I've been working on a list of cabinet members for years.

  11. I didn't have any problems with the video, I think it's a Philly problem.
    Is this chick related to someone or boinking someone? How does she keep her job?

  12. Yay! So I DID do it right. I was worried that I messed something up on the video.

    She is not related to anyone, and as far as I know she's not boinking anyone either. It might have something to do with the fact that she's kind of built like an anime character with ridiculously long legs, a small waist, and obscenely large boobs. Then again...nobody has EVER been fired at this place, regardless of what they've done. Ever. Not in the history of the store. You either quit, or you stay forever.

  13. If she looks like that then she deserves her job regardless of what she does. Those type of women are few and far between and we need to make sure they are taken care of. Yes, I am joking.

  14. You make me laugh. Of course, she's nothing like that Julie person who thinks she's a Nordic Princess. She's be a lot more amusing if she was.

  15. Found your blog from erratic questions blog.

    Grrr! I'd be annoyed about that co-worker of yours! Yes, we all dream about calling in sick, but then we remember that we're adults and we suck it up and go to work like we're supposed to!

    Cute pic :)

  16. Oh good grief, your coworker is really starting to piss ME off and I don't even have to deal with her nonsense. Does your boss have any opinion on her "sick" days?

    That picture really is too adorable! Such a little cutie.

    (And I have to throw out there, my nephew is learning how to play the bassoon. Not an instrument many 10 year olds would want to try.)

  17. Megan, I'm glad you found your way over. I'm glad you guys agree with us! And by us I mean all of us that work with her. She's all we talked about, very bitterly, for the first two hours this morning.

    Thanks. :)

    Hannah, our boss only expressed an opinion once after a male employee got really fed up when she called in on a Friday because she said her knee was too swollen to walk, then tweeted and Facebooked from her cell phone from the club all night, then called in again the next day because she said she couldn't walk. (Basically, she was hungover.) And his opinion on that day was to say, "She can't keep doing this. It's ridiculous." And told her to stop calling in if she wasn't really sick because there's too much work to be done.

    That was it. He didn't even say it in a MEAN, angry way. He said it in the same passive way he says everything.

    Aw, thank you.

    Bassoon isn't a common instrument for anybody, especially a ten year old. It's got to be taller than he is!

  18. I second Charlie's idea. Someone (with more initiative than me) needs to create and market "You Suck" Hallmark-like cards.

  19. Well they have those terrible driver bumper stickers for you to stick on peoples' cars when they park badly or something...

    Someone with more initiative than me, too. I couldn't do that. Besides, I'd probably attach ridiculously cute pictures to the front of the card, ruining any pretense is had to seriousness.

  20. Awesome band, they should stop in KC on their way to Austin.

  21. I really hope they do a tour. It would be the best concert I've seen since...oh, since Jet played that surprise concert for free a couple of years ago.

  22. I have to admit. I didn't read your blog post. I just saw the profile pic from Billy Donalds blog comment you made. Beautimus!


  24. I came over from Charlie's blog and am now following. Nice to meet you!

    I saw that video a few months ago and loved it. I love it still.

  25. RahX, thank you. Wish you had read the blog, but the comment is appreciated just the same.

    Nicki, you're going to give my five year old self a bigger ego than she already has.

    Matthew, Nice to meet you! Thanks for the follow. I only saw it for the first time like a month or so ago, but it was enough for me to know I wanted them on my iPod to take with me everywhere.


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