My condolences to those of you who were hoping that the Steelers would take the Super Bowl. I am
jumping up and down with joy terribly sorry that you had to suffer such a terrible disappointment. I'm not personally a fan of the Steelers. Actually, I hate them with the fiery intensity of a million suns. And I don't actually like the Packers either. I hate them with the fiery intensity of a million suns.
If it hadn't been for the fact the Super Bowl was played in the Cowboys Stadium, I would have been content to sit at home and hope that both teams suffered heavy losses and injury. But it was played in Cowboys Stadium, and the idea of the Packers, who I hate on the principle of their name and their ugly uniforms, scoring a victory on Cowboys Territory was far more palatable to my Texas upbringing. I was eight years old the year the Steelers played the Cowboys for the Super Bowl. (That year the Jaguars also made it to the playoffs, but they lost.) There was a lot of angry hostility between my Mom, a die hard Cowboys fan, and my Uncle T, who had the nerve to show up for the game wearing his Steelers jacket! My Mom, despite Daddy's admonition to be a good sport, told him he couldn't come inside unless he left the coat outside. Mom won that round. And then the Cowboys took the victory and Uncle T had to hang his head in shame.
Oh no, there was no way I could possibly stomach the idea of the Steelers winning a game on our new stadium. The Packers were by the far the lesser of two evils, and for the ugly clad, badly named team I cheered. (Not the the Steelers have a better color scheme, mind you. Their uniforms are just as hideous.) And we conquered.
Enough of that, though. My real point in all of this is
that I had to rub it in a little Christina Aguilera's interesting rendition of The Star Spangled Banner. And I'm not only talking about the way she delivered it. (Definitely not my favorite way to hear it. What was with her voice? I expected so much more from her!)
How the hell do you botch the lyrics to the song they teach you on the first day of pre-k? I mean seriously. WTF???
If I wasn't already reveling in the glory of being a brunette, I certainly would be now. She's just cemented forever in the history of the world that a bleached blond, busty woman (a walking stereotype of a bimbo) destroyed, on national television and in front of thousands of people live, the lyrics to the National Anthem.
I've heard at least twelve blond jokes revolving around her serious fuck up since last night, and I'm probably going to hear a lot more before the week is done. And while I've always been able to appreciate a good blond joke (just as I can appreciate almost any joke that is in good taste), these are just a little harder to swallow. She's marching around half dressed giving blonds everywhere a bad name. And the only thing she could say in her defense was sorry, guys, I know I messed up but I still love my country!
Okay, she didn't say it exactly like that, but that's pretty accurate, and anyway it sounds so much better the way I wrote it. I'm not anything like a die hard patriot, but great balls of fire! There were soldiers present. (I'm not starting in about war. I don't like war. I hate it, but I'm a military brat. I don't have to support the politics to support my defenders.)
I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard at the Super Bowl.
Oh wait, yeah I do. It was my sophomore year of high school when Janet Jackson's top got ripped off and the whole world saw her boob. *chuckle* That was all any of the guys in my class talked about for a week. OH MY GAWD! Janet Jackson's boob popped out when
she made Justin Timberlake pull her top off her top slipped off. Oh, I'm under no illusions. I understand that the top falling off was completely intentional an accidental wardrobe malfunction.
Meanwhile, we're expecting more snow (yay!) on Wednesday. Padawan should be healthy enough to withstand a good snowball lobbed at him by then. And if the snow doesn't come, I'm determined to buy myself one of those snow cone ice shaver thingies so I can make my own damn snow, and ultimately my own damn arsenal of snowballs with which to wage war.
Has this plotting gotten a little out of hand?
Well, I'll concede that maybe a little bit. But is that enough to stop me from going ahead with my plan?
*scoff* Not just no, but hell no.
It will be on like Donkey Kong one way or another.
I hope we get enough snow that I can do this:
And if Mother Nature doesn't give me what I want, well I will buy an industrial sized snow cone machine and I will make it myself! Or I will try until I can't try anymore!