Friday, May 6, 2011

Yoga and Dogs

Yoga is an interesting experience. 

I have never been a very "Zen" person. In fact, I am a very high strung, irritable, constantly worried individual who can't even walk down the street without freaking out when I see a cricket ten feet ahead of me. Yoga is all about relaxing, man and just being one with the Earth. It's barefoot. It's hippy. It's emptying your mind of all of your worries and just breathing deep and being chill.

It's also contorting your body into positions you didn't think you'd ever be able to manage. 

I enjoy Yoga, but some of it's finer points are lost on me.

First of all, I hate that stupid mother-fucking mirror that lines the wall in front of me. I don't know what it is about that mirror, but for some reason my hips and thighs look twice as wide as anybody else's. It's really hard to make myself look into that fucking mirror to correct myself when I don't like the reflection. And I know it's physically impossible that I really look like that compared to everyone else because I am far away from being the biggest person in that class. But it stresses me to look at that mirror. I suppose she turns the lights off to make the mirror less obvious, but it doesn't help with my neurosis. Once the thought is in there, it doesn't go away.

There's also the minor problem with the partners thing. Instructor likes to pair us up in partners for certain exercises, but she doesn't partner us up with friends in the class. She partners us up with people we don't know. This is a little difficult for me. You guys already know I'm some version of not all there. I don't like working with people I don't know. Especially when you've got to trust said stranger to not drop you on your ass or squish you flat or something. That being said, Instructor originally partnered me with the one Dude in the class.

If I've got issues with strangers, it's like ten times worse when said stranger is male. 

I really tried to hide my horror, but she must have seen my face because a minute later she changed her mind and paired me with another girl. A girl who was heavier than me by about twenty pounds, but she was way preferable to the potentially dangerous and untrustworthy guy who uses a red mat with orange butterflies on it.

Instructor also has to continually correct me. No matter how many times she fixes them, my shoulders will not stay relaxed. I don't know if it's because I've got almost ten years of flute training ingrained into my shoulders, and four years of marching ingrained in my feet, or if it's because I'm just always tense about something. Instructor corrects, and corrects, and corrects, and within seconds my shoulders are hiked back up and tense. Even when I think I've kept them relaxed, I haven't. 

And this whole "tree" position. You know what? I've never in my life had balance problems. I can hop on one foot in high heels and never once wobble or nearly topple over, but the second I try hiking my foot up to my thigh it's like I've got no sense of balance at all and I'm wobbling all over the place.

I do not look like a graceful tree. Even when I try my foot at calf or ankle level, I'm still wobbling. 

I think Yoga is one of those things that I'm going to have to practice at home, so I  have made plans with Jazz to come over tonight and work on it. The weird thing, though, is despite the problems that have presented themselves, I love Yoga. It's fun and I look forward to going back. And I feel really calm after class lets out.

Outside of the realm of Yoga, yesterday when I got home Padawan mentioned that he'd gone to his Mother's to send some information off to his new employer (five hundred dollars more a month after taxes is nothing to scoff at!) and he saw Sausage there.

I've mentioned Sausage before. He's Clueless's dog, a sweet little Corgi who is sadly overweight.

I didn't even have time to ask. Padawan had a reason to bring this up. "He's getting pretty bad."

When Clueless finally took him to the vet a couple of months ago (and it had been well over a year since his last visit), the Vet told her that he was overweight and depressed and he needed more exercise, more play time, and a stricter diet. Corgis are notorious for their tendency to be overweight. Sausage exceeds the typical level of overweight for his breed. When Padawan said, "He's getting pretty bad," he meant that he's getting worse. That Clueless is not making an effort to get him happy and healthy.

"How bad?'

"He's really lethargic. He didn't want to play or anything. He just kind of laid there."

Sausage is three years old, the same age as my loving, scatter brained Choo Choo (who's third birthday is Sunday!), and he doesn't want to play. He's a playful breed. He's supposed to run around and be silly. My dog is still like that. But he doesn't have the will? It's awful.

When we went to bed last night, I couldn't sleep. I kept tossing and turning thinking about Sausage and his health and how it's just wrong to have a pet that you don't play with and don't walk and don't feed properly. And I'd mentioned before that I wanted to take Sausage if and when Clueless gets sent back to jail.

Well, I woke Padawan up at about 1 a.m. and I told him I still wanted to take Sausage. That it would be good for him to live with us, that with Choo Choo to play with all day, and then the two of us in the evenings and on our days off he wouldn't want for any love or attention. We could put him on a healthy diet, take care of his sadly neglected teeth, give him regular baths and heart-worm prevention, and just love and care for him the way he needs to be loved and cared for.

It's not that I think Clueless doesn't love Sausage. I think she must love him very much because he's a very sweet little dog, but she doesn't have the time or inclination to properly take care of him and he's suffering for it. He needs walks and baths and proper food and less treats and for the love of god, he needs a greenie for his teeth before the plaque takes over. Padawan and I can give him a good home.

He said he'll talk to her. I hope she either gets her butt in gear and starts taking care of him, or she sees reason.


  1. I do some yoga poses to help my golf game, but I don't think that I could ever take a class. Even with all the chicks there in those contorted positions. (Are comments like that the reason you didn't want a dude helping you?) I have back problems and yoga seems to help keep it aligned.
    Poor Sausage. I hope you can take control of his well being, for his sake.

  2. I feel like you've told me you like to golf before...

    But for some reason it's still striking me as funny.

    No, my aversion to a dude for a partner has nothing to do with the contorted positions. I just don't want strange men touching me. I don't even hug my friends, how could I handle full body contact with a stranger?

    I hope we can take him, even if only temporarily. It could change his life.

  3. What's funny about me golfing? Are you picturing a 3 Stooges thing?

  4. Funny hat with a ball, argile sweater and socks...silly pants?

    Yup. That's what I'm picturing. Pretty close to the stooges.

    My dad likes to golf. I laugh at him, too.

  5. Argyle socks and sweater, yes. Those things are in my daily wardrobe. Silly pants, I don't own any knickers or loud pants.
    I usually just wear a polo style shirt and shorts when it gets warmer or dockers in the cooler weather.

  6. What are dockers? They sound kind of silly.

    What about the hat? Do you were the hat?

  7. Dockers are just a brand of Khakis, I wear jeans too if allowed by dress code. When I wear a hat it is just a standard ball cap with some golf manufacturer or golf course name on it.

  8. First, I meant WEAR the hat. Good god, I'm turning into those OTHER people who can't use the right word at the right time when they write.

    Well it's a significantly less funny picture when you put it that way...

  9. When it's your turn to catch your partner, you should just stand there your arms folded and let them fall on their ass. That'll be funny, and it'll make you feel better.

  10. We don't do those kinds of exercises. Mostly you and your partner use each other for support. I couldn't just let my partner fall. That would only make me more worried that my partner would let me fall!

  11. I can rock the Tree on Wii Fit all day and night. Because I am cool like that. The Wii is good, because then I don't end up being the creepy guy in a class of girls.

    Not that I want to take yoga, anyway. My penis would probably get in the way.

  12. It doesn't count on Wii Fit! How does the instructor correct you?

    There are a couple of directions that last sentence could go, and to be on the safe side I'm just not going to answer it.

  13. Probably best to stay away from that comment. I was baiting you. Congrats on avoiding the trap :)

  14. My sister is a yoga instructor. She's tried to convince me to give it a whirl, but I've never been able to understand how standing in place helps you be more fit than running around after a soccer ball or racquetball.

  15. Doug, does that make me a Jedi?

    Brent, for people like me (you know, the ones who have hearts that try to give out on them in the middle of track meets) stretching and working to maintain a difficult position is all I can handle. It burns calories and helps manage weight, but it's not going to make me pass out. That's why I looked into it.

  16. Yoga. Hmmm...Not sure I'm flexible enough. I have done Pilates, and I like them. Still working on mastering a few moves, though. However, I'm glad you've found something that you enjoy. :)

    I REALLY hope Clueless lets you take over caring for her dog. She just doesn't seem to be the type of person who can change THAT drastically THAT quickly to take proper care of him herself. Poor Sausage. Let us know how that all pans out!

  17. What exactly are Pilates? I've heard of them.

    Padawan did talk to her and they went and got him some special diet food and she swears she's going to walk him more and pay more attention to him. Time will tell. And either way, he's going to need somewhere to stay. Her court date is at the end of this month, and my research says anywhere from 180 days to two years for a second drinking and driving offense.

    She expresses hope that she'll only get thirty days. But a second time in six months after having been released on good behavior the first time? If that judge goes lenient on her (doubtful in Texas) she'll just do it again. And the third time she'll wind up in prison for ten years. Felony crimes are tough like that.

  18. I'm glad she's trying to make a change. Hopefully Sausage will benefit from her efforts.

    I'm hoping, for the greater good, that Clueless's sentence won't be too lenient. I don't mean to sound heartless and cruel, but sometimes a big slap in the face is necessary to bring people out of their self-induced spiral of bad habits. Fingers crossed, right?

  19. You're not the only one. I was talking to her Mother last night and we both said that we wanted her to get a really harsh punishment. Last time she went for thirty days and she came back with new friends! Jail isn't supposed to be fun!

  20. Poor little Sausage. I just want to cuddle him. I love Corgis. I'm glad you're doing OPERATION RESCUE.

    And yoga? I LOVE LOVE LOVE yoga. I can't balance, either. But I do this pilates/yoga combo that actually relaxes AND exercises me. It's like this secret world of awesome exercise that I never knew existed.

  21. Sausage is great for cuddling. He'll just crawl right up in your lap and stay there all day if you let him.

    I still don't know what Pilates are, but it sounds like fun if everybody likes them. Maybe I should look that up...


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