Sunday, May 15, 2011

I don't like it.

My friend J-Lynn has recently become a fan of Atypical Read on Facebook.

I have mixed feelings about this development. (No offense, Scott. It's not that I don't like sharing your brilliance with the world.) 

On the one hand, I love that through my Facebook she found the blog that she now, apparently, adores. Every blogger wants more readers. She reads. Maybe she'll start leaving comments. Eventually reading comments. 

And that leads to my dislike of it.

I dot not like the idea of people I know reading my blog. Except Padawan and my sisters. My blog is an expression of myself outside of the realm of social standards. I can say and do whatever I want and nobody says anything about it. Nobody on here reads something and then says, "Chanel, have you considered that you're obsessive compulsive?" or "Chanel, do you maybe think you're a little cynical?" or "Chanel, you do realize that you're completely insane and flamingos and crickets are actually NOT trying to kill you, don't you?" I am not judged here. And while J-Lynn and I have grown up together and we know everything about each other, I like having one space of my life to myself. I share my sisters with her, my friends, even my coworkers know and occasionally hang out with her! And I don't mind that. Really, I don't. 

But my blogging community is something that is mine. (Sorry, you guys. I kind of forgot to tell you that you all belong to me.)

By her reading Atypical Read, she may eventually read a comment I left, follow the link to my profile, and thereby discover my blog. Granted, she knows this blog exists, but I never told her the title and to the best of my knowledge she's never found it. This is MY realm. My one bit of personal space that doesn't touch my work life (unless I complain about it) or my friends. (Except Patrick, but I never really knew him in person so I don't really think that counts, and anyway he rarely comments so it doesn't matter.)

Some of you are actually friends on my Facebook (and that all started because I liked a page and then BAM! I was found), and you've probably noticed that I never post links to Fabulously Neurotic. Not once.

I like having most every reader being someone I met through the Blogosphere. There's a feeling of community and acceptance and damn it, none of you call my dog a rat and I love that! Also, none of you have insulting nicknames for Padawan. J-Lynn and Padawan, unfortunately, had a massive falling out over an asshole who ended his friendship with Padawan because I wouldn't end my friendship with J-Lynn. Apparently he just couldn't be friends with someone who could love someone who is friends with someone like J-Lynn. No, even if you follow the convolutions that still doesn't make sense. 

Am I the only one out there that feels this way? I keep my life pretty compartmentalized because...well, I don't know why. I just keep everything separated certain ways. So this could just me being neurotic. Or maybe I'm not alone in this?


  1. I totally understand your dilema. My real life best friend confided in me 3 days after creating a blog that she was a "blogger". I was afraid to not tell her that I was on here for fear she'd find out somehow and be angry I hadn't told her. So I told her...then she was upset because it was about 7 months after it started. Ooops. She has commented once or twice and for the most part doesn't read it so I have nothing to worry about. That and she's known me since middle school and I have nothing to hide from her.

    I understand not wanting to be "outted" but hoepfully you can avoid it since there doesn't seem to be a way around it now.

  2. I feel the same way. In fact, I'm probably worse. I was talking to my mother recently, and she mentioned that my older brother had told her about my "My First Accident" post. I felt like my privacy had been invaded or something, which is kind of crazy because this stuff is on the internet and it's about as public as it gets. Still, I feel like my freedom of expression is hindered if I have to worry about pissing off people I know.

    By the way, you have another award on my blog.

  3. ...Part of me has mentioned to the other that I should remain silent on this one as this might be the first ever post about me/atypical read ever that is not um, an Atypical Read. My question, however, is how do you know J-Lynn loves me so much? (warning, I might be trying to get comments vicariously) I am pleased you feel compelled to hog me all to yourself, but "Adore" is strong and (admittedly) quite effective in my gushing. The only thing I can suggest is that you introduce her to Doug or any one of Bryan's themes...although, that might make things worse for you.

    ...I suppose I could write a post just for you??? Make it special to you again. Curiously, is there anyone else?

  4. I don't keep my blog a secret from my friends and I share every post on my facebook wall. But sometimes I do wonder what my family and friends might think. Or my wife. I've posted some not so flattering photos of her in labor. But it's a risk I take by sharing it with everyone I know.

  5. No, you're not alone. Tyler is the only person I personally know that reads my blog, but he's not involved beyond reading a post here and there and commenting every now and then. I like it that way. One of my bloggy friends--Mynx--her entire family (including her kids and husband) have NO IDEA that she even HAS a blog. She's kept it entirely to herself. I don't know if I could be THAT secretive, but I can still see the appeal in keeping things completely anonymous.

    PS: I was fully aware that I belong to you and your bloggy experience, and I'm okay with it. Also, I hope you know that you and all of my favorite bloggers are the sole property of ME!!! Sorry, but it's true. Deal with it. :)

  6. Jewels, I told her about it. I said, "I started a new blog" and blah, blah, blah. I have nothing to hide, either. I've posted a lot of the stories from living with her on my old blog when they were actually happening. I say nothing here that I haven't said to her before. I having some anonymity here.

    Is there a reason you didn't tell your friend immediately?

    Bryan, my very first blog my sister read regularly and EVERY TIME I wrote about my family she'd print it up and give it to my mom or my grandmother. Since it was a lot of complaining, I generally got in trouble. I can say that I know exactly how it feels to have your siblings show something that belongs to you to someone else without permission. There's a code, you know, within blogging communities.

    Scott, J-Lynn said as much. She loves the Atypical Video of the day that you put up. She went so far as to "Like" you on Facebook. That's how I found out: it was on my feed. Apparently every interaction I have with the fan page shows up on my feed and therefore everyone else's and there you have it. She thinks you're funny, and I believe "adore" was her own word usage. Or something very similar.

    Good lord, no! I'm not drawing that noose any tighter around myself! If she finds Bryan and Doug she's more than welcome to on her own. Though I suppose with the I Like Cheese fan page it's only a matter of time before she finds Doug, too, and eventually Bryan since he's a common link between the two. And with each new blog, a bigger chance of finding me.

    Where did this come from? No posts for me. That wasn't the point. Anyone else what? Following you through Facebook? I have no idea. I just happened to be logged on when her "like" was at the top of my feed for the day. Doesn't the page tell you who likes?

    Brent, well that's totally cool for you. You like sharing everything, and I'm sure your wife doesn't mind the pictures. It's from what I'm pretty sure was one of the happiest days of her life. (I've been told the happiest days are when babies are born.) I'm not HIDING...I'm just not blatantly advertising.

  7. Candice, once again you commented while I was answering! Sneaky, sneaky!

    I don't know how she could possibly keep it a secret. I spend so much time on Blogger I'm sure Padawan would have figured it out by now if I hadn't told him. But I have to show him every time I get a new design up. Who else could I proudly display my pink wall to if not him?

    We all belong to each other within this blogosphere. That's okay. I'm pretty cool with that, though, since I feel the same way.

  8. I went through and read all the comments, which, I confess, I don't always do. It's interesting to see other people's take on this subject. I'm glad to see I'm not alone. It's not even so much that I have anything bad to hide, or that I want to be free to talk trash about everyone. Obviously, you know from reading my stuff yourself that I'm not really in that kind of business. It's just kind of funny. It's like, it's embarrassing for them, and it's embarrassing for me, and I rather just avoid it. Knowing that my brother or someone I know is reading over my shoulder makes me feel self-conscious about what I write. It's already creeped in, and I catch myself thinking, maybe I shouldn't write about this or maybe I shouldn't write about that. It's hard enough to come up with ideas without that aggravation. It's weird, but somehow it feels easier writing to an audience that doesn't know me in my personal life. It's weird to have someone reading my writing about experiences they may have shared with me.

    And don't be too hard on Scott if he doesn't understand. I don't think the term "reserved" is in his vocabulary. :)

  9. My mind is still reeling back and forth about the thing with Padawan and his friend and J-Lynn. What the snap? People are such lunatics. But then, those lunatics are my bread and butter. There are some people I certainly don't want reading my blog. The Warden and the Major, just to name a few. But if it came down to it and they found me, oh well. And if anybody else finds out about this lovely bunch of coconuts that we have gathered here, all the better for us. And just so we are clear on this whole "ownership" thing... Do I have to wear a collar or get a tattoo or something? An ear tag?

  10. Does it? I have no idea. I am winging the whole damn thing as I go, which might be the whole appeal behind people liking it. Maybe I should do story-time over at the other blog, since I have lost a few readers. Your friend is quite attractive as well, also a bit of a "nerd" what the hell??? When I was younger (Yes, a decade is a long time.) there was maybe one very cute girl among the nerds/dorks/dweebs/geeks society and she generally was related to someone within the group. Nowadays, it seems, there is one around every corner of the comic book store.

    I blame Facebook.

  11. I don't keep my blogging (or lately, lack there of) a secret from friends or family. I don't really bring it up though other than posting it on my Facebook wall from time to time. I prefer when people I talk to regularly don't read it. Not because I saw foul things about them or anything just because it downright annoying when I'm having a conversation with them and they cut me off with "I know. I read your blog." Awkward silence...

  12. Was not aware that I "belonged" to you. I will try to keep it in mind the next time I am invited to view someone's blog.
    I have family, friends & co-workers that are aware of my blog, but I don't believe anyone has looked at it (one exception). How would I ever know if they don't comment though? I hope that I am able to remain anonymous for a while longer. God knows that my alias and other names I use are generally arrived at by a convoluted means.

  13. You guys actually make me feel like I belong =)

    At first I did share my blog with everyone, but then I was told that it was weird and not an accurate rep of who I really am. Which confused me a little. Now I keep my blog on the DL. If you know and read good if you don't Im not going to advertise it.

  14. So I should stop calling Choo Choo a rat? Got it :)

    Some of my family reads my silly-ass blog, and it does tend to cramp my style a little, so I completely understand why you would want to keep them separate.

  15. I am rathered reserved in my opinions, thank you sir. The fact I get it and refuse to acknowledge it, I should think, keeps everything in balance. Believe me, I know first hand the risk involved in having people discover you have a blog.

  16. I like thinking that my blog is separate but it's unrealistic for me because I started my blog so that the church ladies back home could read all the stories of my first years teaching. I never meant to have followers or really be in the Blogosphere. I found my way here by accident and just love it. Since entering the blog world and finding all these new blog friends, I wish that I had a blog that was much more anonymous. Most of the time I just deal with it, but I understand the feelings you have. You're normal (well on this at least).

  17. Bryan, that's how it feels! Like someone is reading over your shoulder going, "I can't believe you'd write about that!" It totally kills the feeling.

    Darev, you're completely anonymous. You don't mention your prison. I'm not even sure what state you're in. How could anybody possibly find your blog that you didn't want to and know it was you? And yes...some people are stupid. J-Lynn is not a bad person. She's a very good person, despite some things she may have done in her past. Padawan's ex friend is just a jerk.

    Scott, the day you get readers is the stay you start losing them. (Yes, that's a Mad Men reference.) Whatever you do with your blog, unless you start using it for true evil, I'll probably still read it.

    She is very pretty, isn't she? Someone told me once she's the kind of woman men move mountains for, and that it's completely unfair that she's wasted in a nerd crowd. I never told her that...I probably should. When you were younger girls were stupid and didn't know where to look for the good guys and ignored or hid their nerdy tendencies. It's more fun to be yourself than to pretend.

    Asha, wow. That's yet another reason to add to my list of reasons why I don't want most people I know reading my blog. I would HATE having someone cut me off and say, "Yeah, I read it already." Half the fun of telling a story is saying it out loud!

    George, yes you do. I'm sorry I never told you, but you really should have guessed, even before I became high Overlord(ess) of the Universe. (I promoted myself because I'm awesome like that.)

    You have a point. You really WOULDN'T know if someone read your blog without commenting. Except there are clues you can follow. And you don't even use your real name, George! For all we know you're actually Steve Jobs pretending to be a normal person.

    Rebecca, I'm glad you feel like you belong! I don't see how talking about fights about raw milk on your facebook and things about cars and knowing about them really makes you seem unlike yourself. You come through pretty loud and clear. I think people who know you in person build up this expectation of you and they only see the parts they want to see and when they find other parts that don't fit in to their idea they reject them. People are kind of silly like that.

  18. Doug, well you don't count when you do it because you always put a smiley after it. Which means you're kidding. I don't mind JOKES. Jokes are funny. Meanness is not.

    You CURB yourself? Good-NESS. What would Doug Uncensored be like???? Oh, this is so fun to imagine...

    Scott (again), I know your wife at least reads your blog from time to time because she's advertised your blog, commented on it, and she's a fan of the page because she interacts with it. I can obviously see why you wouldn't want your mother reading it, or your own kid.

    Jenna, I'm glad you love the Blogosphere! When I first started my blog I intended it to be something I could just put all of my crazy thoughts and memories into and I really didn't think anyone would ever find me. Then I found some blogs that I loved, and started commenting and then Candice found me...and then I wound up where I am now and I love every minute of it, even when random trolls leave rude comments about my dog. It's funny how you start out with one intention and then it turns into something else completely. Of course, if you start out anonymous and then become better known, I suppose that's easier than starting out "out" and then wanting to reverse it. Still, we love your blog so don't leave us!

  19. Aw, my stuff is pretty mild. I mean, I make puns about candles going out. If I did have an anonymous blog it would probably be a pretty dark place, with a lot more cussing. You know, I might do that. But I don't think I will tell ANYONE about it, even you guys.

  20. Yes, your stuff is pretty mild. But I can totally see where it would go if it WASN'T.

    If you make a new blog, I will hunt it down. You will never know if I find it if I don't leave comments. :P

  21. Atypical Read is really Doug's. I have been holding on to this secret for too long now.

  22. I prefer being anonymous. For one thing, they can't prove that it's me if someone higher up decides to take a dislike to something I may post and try to harass me about it. It would take a court order to figure out that it came from me and I can't see a judge signing that on the basis that i annoyed someone. And heck, if they did shut me down I'd just create a new monicker and a new blog and continue on anyway. Even though I have blown through most of my good prison stories and have to actually hunt for new material I have this need to write and it's helping me clear my mind. Writing a blog is like having a helpful albatross around your neck.

  23. Scott, Doug secretly has a daughter? I never would have guessed!

    Darev, judges only sign court orders if someone is physically harmed as a direct result of something you wrote, or if it's national security. I can't see anyone signing one on the grounds that it's annoying. And anyway, you use pseudonyms for your coworkers so it doesn't matter. They wouldn't know who was who.

    I'm lost on the albatross thing. Why would it be helpful to have a bird around your neck?

  24. He also has a monkey face...I mean, currently. His stick figure self is very bland and devoid of substance; therefore, one can conclude that he in fact has a daughter and illegal immigrant in need of a green card to pose as his wife. It's all very well planned. But, I am on to his scheme.

  25. I'm going to have to rat Scott out. Atypical is really written by one of Darev's guests with Internet privileges, a good sense for world events and an overactive imagination.

    However, I Like Cheese is really a collaboration between Bryan and Brent. Bryan draws the comics and Brent enjoys the chance to mutilate the English language.

  26. Well now I'm confused and I don't know which one of you to believe!

  27. At first I was flattered that my friends/family were reading my blog. Then some people started reading my blog a little TOO much. Like...every day...for an hour...even when I hadn't posted anything. Blogstalkers. One of them was even my ex's MOM. Nowadays I just embrace it. I take it as a compliment that people are just so engrossed in my life that they need to obsessively read my blog. And if you don't like what I post on my blog, you don't like me, because it's 100% pure unadulterated Nicki. I've actually discovered it's a good way of weeding out fake friends from real ones!

    However, I still prefer it if my IRL people don't read my I completely get your need for a space that's exclusively yours. You have complete control over it and have no limitations.

    P.S. You can delete things from your wall if you don't want them to appear on your news feed, if that helps at all...

  28. Blog stalkers? Yeesh. See, that's exactly what I DON'T want happening. Nobody secretly reading and being all sneaky sneaky and then gloating secretly because they know things you haven't told them and they're all smug about it.

    I can delete things from my wall?

    I didn't know that...Thanks!


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