Monday, May 30, 2011

Apparently they've changed the definition of "Comedy"

Last night Padawan and I decided to watch a movie to wind down after a long weekend of Pandy/Master Plo Koone sitting. (What he had to wind down for when I watched both of them ninety nine percent of the time by myself, I have no idea.) We decided to search through the Zune rentals on the X-Box to see if there was anything interesting that we hadn't seen.

Since I was in one of those moods, I decided I wanted to watch a comedy.

And I found one (after stopping at Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One and commenting that if ever there was a movie that didn't belong in the Comedy section, it was THAT hindsight this really should have clued me in)called "Marley and Me" and it seemed like good choice. I wanted the trailer for it and it seemed down right hilarious. It seemed to be about a man who didn't want to have children with his wife yet so he buys her a dog to reset her biological clock.

This is where I lodge my formal complaint against whoever decides what movies fall into what genre at Zune: Marley and Me was not a funny movie. Oh, yeah, there were plenty of funny moments in there. But when you stop and get right down to it, it's an emotional drama.

Or just a straight up tragedy.

In what kind of comedy, for instance, does a seventeen year old girl get robbed and stabbed in her own driveway?

I figured out about halfway through that there was only one way this movie could possibly end: with the sad, heart wrenching death of Marley. It was clearly the direction we were headed, and by that point I was already in love. I could not just turn away and shut off the movie. I had to see it through to the end.

So we sat there and watched it.

Watched as it all slowly built up with love and friendship right to the sure to be tragic ending.

And it was.

Oh, I was crying. I was bawling my eyes out, snuggling into Padawan with Choo Choo wedged between us because I didn't want to let her go. 

What the hell kind of sick bastard sticks a movie like that in the Comedy section and then doesn't warn you that the fucking dog dies in the end????  Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with the people at Zune? Harry Potter sure as hell doesn't belong in Comedy, and neither does Marley and Me. I say again, what the hell kind of sick bastard was responsible for this?

A really sick, twisted individual, that's who. 

This was just as bad as the time I told Padawan I wanted to watch a happy movie and he suggested we watch Hachi because it was about a dog who loves his master. And then the master died and the dog waited for him at the train station every day, like always, for ten more years before he finally dies! But even that movie had a happier ending, because when Hachi died he joined his master in Heaven and they went running together by the creek.

What happened to happy ending pet movies like Homeward Bound and Lassie and Beethoven? 

They've been replaced by things like Marley and Me and Hachi and Where the Red Fern Grows, which I know was a book, and I read it way before I even knew it was a movie but that doesn't make it any less sad because both dogs die in that one, so it's like twice the heartbreak for the little boy who worked so hard to get those dogs that he loved and cared for all by himself.

Sometimes, I just want a watch a god damn happy movie with animals in it. Is that too much to ask for these days?


  1. It seems like a lot of times, when they have a movie they can't quite categorize, they'll shoehorn it into the "comedy" genre. Plenty of times I've seen ads for a movie that made it look like a zany laugh-a-minute comedy, only to find that it's more of a drama with a few funny moments. I like drama's just fine, but I like to know what I'm getting into with a movie. It's like going to lick whipped cream off your finger, and then discovering that it's sour cream. I like sour cream, but not when my taste buds are expecting whipped cream.

    So yeah, it bugs me when movies are categorized, or even worse when the ads are misleading. I hate when they pull that stuff. Say there's a movie where they show one scene of a scientist designing a robot, but the rest of the movie is really about him dealing with a divorce and his mother dying. The marketing "geniuses" will build the entire trailer around the robot scene and make it look like a sci-fi movie about a post apocalyptic robot uprising, because, hey, "Transformers did good at the box office." In effect, they ruin the movie before you ever see it.

  2. There are some movies, like Harry Potter, that have a clear genre, though. It's called "Action and Adventure", or even "Fantasy" if you want to stick it there because it's about witches and wizards and magic. There's NOTHING ambiguous about Harry Potter.

    And I hate it when they do that, too. Like "Funny People" was supposed to be this awesome funny movie about comedians being funny...and then it turned out to be really, REALLY sad most of the time. And it was about thirty minutes too long. It felt like an eternity.

  3. I'm sure the people who categorize those movies don't actually watch them. They look at the trailers and the synopsis and make their decisions from there. And somebody was obviously stoned when they stuck Harry Potter in that category. There were maybe two funny sequences, one that made me giggle for almost an hour, but the rest was dark and scary and tragic.

  4. Either that or somebody has a really messed up sense of humor...Seriously, that's the darkest Harry Potter movie to date. The whole thing was pretty much miserable!

  5. You didn't know Marley dies? That would be a heart-wrenching movie experience.

    I suggest you don't watch Ol' Yeller.

  6. I knew fifty minutes in that it could only end with his death. It's not like they advertised it in the clips.

    I've seen Old Yeller and it's also very sad, but the movie is not categorized as a comedy, so I don't think it matters.

  7. I actually have a self-imposed rule to avoid movies that center around animals. The lovable, sweet, irresistible animal ALWAYS dies. Always. I can't handle crap like that! Stupid movie-maker people!

    I'm a sucker for a happy ending to any story. It's kind of a weakness of mine. If the ending is sad, it ruins the whole movie/book for me. Be happy, people! Is that too much to ask? Geez!

  8. I decided that if the dogs don't talk, then it's not going to end well. Not that I watch a lot of dog movies.

  9. Candice, not always. Seabiscuit didn't die. I don't think Skip died, but I didn't finish the movie so I can't be sure. Flash didn't die...Okay, so they don't kill horses off. Just dogs, apparently.

    I can't say I like that. Sometimes I like a good tragic ending. Just not where animals are concerned. I like my heroes tragically dead and my animals happily living.

    Brent, the animals don't talk in the 101 Dalmatians movie with that scary Glen Close lady, but they all live. Excepting horse movies, I think you're right, though.

  10. I guess I can agree with that. Horses usually manage to survive those movies. Prejudiced movie people...

    Also, I suppose it would be more accurate to say this: I can handle tragedy, so long as it is appropriate for the story. (For example, I LOVE the book "Tess of the D'Urbervilles" and no one could call that story anything but tragic.) I just prefer the happier stories.

  11. I love Tess of the D'Urbervilles! It is wonderfully tragic, isn't it?

    And Anna Karenina.

    Beautifully sad.

  12. They need to leave movie endings the same as in the book more often. Like in Cujo where the kid lives in the movie, but died in the book (as I understand it).

  13. Haven't seen or read Cujo.

    But in the Devil Wears Prada book Andy and her boyfriend (who was called Alex in the book and Nate in the movie for some unfathomable reason) stayed broken up permanently. There was no "we're getting back together in Boston" scene.

  14. Never saw Devil Wears Prada.

  15. *gasp*

    Alright, George. We're going to fix this. Just go to Netflix and add it to your instant queue.

  16. OMG! Chanel!!!!!!!!! I wish I could have stopped you from watching that movie!!!! A long time ago (like when I was a kid) I discovered I cannot handle films with animals, particularly if they are sad. So, I promised myself never to do so again. Then came Marley & Me. I figured I might be old enough to handle it...NEVER AGAIN WILL I WATCH A MOVIE WITH ANIMALS. Like you, I could NOT control my tears.

    I'm so sorry you had to watch that. :(

    WHAT fools list that as a comedy, along with HPDH1???

  17. I'm just sorry I watched it THAT day. I wanted a happy movie, and while I enjoyed it...I would have preferred a happy ending to improve my mood. I went from grouchy to weepy.

    I'd still prefer the hero dead and the animal alive in the end.

    I don't know. I told Matt I'm lodging and official complaint. I intend to do so as soon as I figure out how to contact them.


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