Friday, April 1, 2011

The Return of the...well, I'm certainly not a king.

Guess who's back. 

Back again. 

Chanel's back. 

Tell a friend. 

Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back! Bah nah nah!

Did anybody miss me?

Sorry that I had to go for so long, but such is life. I had some mega catching up to do when I logged on this morning. My goodness, it was like a cornucopia of blog posts! And then I had to respond to my comments, but only AFTER reading and commenting on posts that I read alphabetically by blog title, not in order of importance, and now it's time to post. I did consider posting before catching up but I thought that would be entirely rude and maybe a little narcissistic.

To keep you guys in the loop...

1. Little Sister is officially being renamed Clueless. I was totally going to go with something far more vindictive and insulting, but Padawan would not appreciate that. So I'm renaming her Clueless. To see why, read number two.

2. Clueless (formerly Little Sister) was arrested again. You guessed it. For driving while intoxicated. "Wait," you're thinking, "Didn't she just get out of jail four months ago after serving time for DWI?" And you're completely correct. She did. Do I feel sorry for her? No. Do I think she's going to deserve the revoking of her license and the next sentence she's going to get? Yes. Do I think she's an alcoholic? Yes. Which is sad since she just turned 21. So sad. And just FYI, in the great state of Texas, getting three DWIs in a ten year period is a felony and comes with five years in prison. So she better not drink and drive again any time in the next nine and a half years. (Or ever, really. It's attempted murder in my book.) And when Mother and Padawan told her they weren't bailing her out because they told her last time they wouldn't bail her out if it happened again, she got mad at them like it was THEIR fault she got behind the wheel two sheets to the wind. (By the way, she got caught because she caused a car accident. She rear ended someone. Like I said...attempted murder.) That makes her Clueless. (You can well imagine the other Pseudonyms that came to mind...)

3. Padawan and I are discussing taking custody of Clueless's dog when she gets sent back to jail. Of course, she might not get sent back to jail but I don't believe in miracles and this is Texas, by which I mean that you're going to get off easier if you shoot someone on your property and kill them in broad daylight when they aren't armed than you will if you drink and drive. The point of taking Sausage (that's not his real name but he looks like a little sausage with legs because he's overweight because she doesn't care for him properly so that's what I call him) is not only so that he gets all the love and attention he needs (and he needs it), but also to help Choo Choo learn how to properly greet other dogs. And by that I mean I'm at my wit's end with her barking and I'm getting desperate. This will be yet another attempt at proper doggy socialization.

4. I found a brilliant way to keep Choo Choo from barking on her walks, and it worked for a week. And then for no reason that I can fathom Choo Choo started going nuts even more than usual and it's driving me to distraction. I'm about read to try the Spray Bottle Method. Seriously. I'm still pissed at that "trainer" who suggested a shock collar, just so you know. I can't remember if I told you guys that I spoke to a trainer a couple of weeks ago. But I decided to not use her services when she said she could fix it with a shock collar. Well, yeah. I'm sure if I beat the living shit out of her ever time she barked that would work, too, but I'm not going to do it.

5. Relly is upset that Soldier Boy (formerly T-Man) is being shipped out to Iraq. Originally the date was set for the 6th of June, but now he's leaving in three weeks. Sad, hearbreaking, horrifying. She's really upset. But there's not much I could do. When I try to sooth her with reassurance she gets all snappy and irritable and rude. When I just listen she gets mad that I don't comment. There is no reasoning with her. So I'm just not talking to her for a while. It's the best solution. I don't like being snapped at for no reason.

6. Lydia fell at her new job and tore what she calls her meniscus. I think she's using the wrong word because science classes taught me that the meniscus is the curve that forms when you pour liquid into a measuring tube or beaker. Either way, her employer told her that she wasn't entitled to workman's compensation because her other knee was swollen before she fell, and they are saying that the problem in the new knee is a result of the condition in the other. Bullshit, and they know it. They just don't want to deal with the fact that she needs a ten thousand dollar surgery because of their unsafe ways of operating. 

7. Brat and Gummy Bear are apparently defying the Catholic parents and the rules of his religion. They are moving into an apartment together, and sending her Monstrosity Wolf Puppy to live with our Uncle for a while. Apparently there's a weight restriction that forbids dogs over forty five pounds. At ten months old, Kira weighs in at a whopping seventy pounds, and the Vet says she will grow until she's two years old. That's a big freaking dog.

8. If my family asks me if Padawan and I eloped one more time I swear I'm going to lose my mind and start screaming and possibly throwing things because why does every body think if I don't go to work for a few days and I don't tell them where I'm going I'm obviously eloping and getting married or doing something else stupid? Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, it's annoying.

9. Clearly I am saying nothing about what we were up to, though I can say that I'm perfectly healthy if a little tired, and Choo Choo and Padawan are equally healthy.

Now, my next post will be a brilliant reconstruction of a single incident on Sunday that I just absolutely have to share with you guys. But that's not for today. I've caught up with you guys. You guys can catch up with me. And the world is as it should be.


  1. Drinking and driving is indeed stupid.

    The Rev has a fellow guard he calls "Sausage" I got confused for a second. I think I had an out-of-blog experience.

    "Roosevelt"? I think that's an anachronism. Maybe Mary was wayyyyy ahead of her time. :)

    Oh yeah, and welcome back.

  2. It is beyond stupid. It's also selfish.

    Sorry to confuse you. When I say "Sausage" I mean her dog. He's a Corgie. So he looks like one. Just furry.

    Mary was way ahead of her time in more ways than one.

    Thank you.

  3. Hi, I'm a new kid.
    The meniscus is the cushion in your knee between your shin and femur. Its called that because of the shape.
    Have you ever thought a nice smack in the head might help clueless?

    Thanks for the good read too. =)

  4. Learn something new every day. I guess she was saying the right word.

    It has occurred to me once or twice. Several times, actually. She's got a bad attitude that I think a good smack could beat out of her.

    You're welcome. Thank you for reading.

  5. Chanel! I've missed you, and I'm glad you're back. :)

    Drinking and driving is AWFUL!!! Hopefully Clueless won't do it again, for her sake as well as that of the other people on the road.

    Anyway, welcome back...again!

    PS: Did you and Padawan elope, or what? ;)

  6. Yeah, I could come up with a few names for Clueless to but it would involve vulgarities.
    I feel bad for Relly. I've been there. The first time my husband went to Iraq I had a 6 month old and a 3 year old AND we had just moved to Fort Hood. I'm sure she's terrified of he obvious...he's going "over there" and also worried about the lonliness. It will get easier for her.
    BTW, did you and Padawan elope? Kidding! (No, I'm

  7. Candice, I've missed you, too!

    I really hope not. I hope they send her away for six months or something. She'd learn that...*cue music* if you drink, don't drive. Do the watermelon crawl.

    Thank you!! It's good to be back.

    PS. Nope. There is only the normal Decoy Ring on my wedding finger. Nothing else because I am a woman unwed. And quite happy there for the time being.

    Asha, you're probably thinking of very similar names to the ones I started out planning to use. She makes it so easy to think of them.

    I feel bad for her. I remember what it was like every time Daddy left for six or eight months. Though she's probably got it easier since she doesn't have kids. Actually, she'll be staying with his kids and watching them, so I guess she'll be even more stressed, but she'll be in our hometown so that's not as bad. Living on a new base is hard. Especially Fort Hood. A lot of the people out in Killeen are freaking nuts. And I don't mean that in the fabulously neurotic sense.

    And BTW, Padawan and I did not elope. We are not married. He did not "put a ring on it" in any sense of the phrase. Now please convince my family of that.

  8. I MISSED YOU!!!!!!

    Ugh. I'm so not into fat little dogs. At least fat bigger dogs look like they still can walk. And Clueless...DON'T DRINK AND DRIVE YOU G-D IDIOT.

    Amen for being happily unmarried! Good for you for not feeling pressured. Or maybe you feel pressured, but you're not giving in.

    I really have to say it: I follow SO MANY bloggers that I really don't notice a lot of times when a blogger takes a vacation--but I definitely felt your absence. So that's either a =) or a =(, depending on your point of view. Choose your own emoticon.

  9. Aw...right back at you! It's so nice to be missed.

    It's not Sausage's fault he's fat. She overfeeds him and never takes him out for walks and she's constantly feeding him people food. If she took proper care of him he wouldn't be fat. It's just another way she's Clueless. And you tell her!

    Nope. Not feeling pressure. Padawan and I are in no hurry. We're young and we've got time.

    Let's meet half way with the face and make it a =S. That way it's half up and half down. But it's an awesome compliment in there so my face looks like this: =D...only less manic.

  10. Welcome back. We missed you. There are many problems in life that could be solved by giving somebody a good smack in the head. or several of them. Unfortunately for some stupid reason, our society frowns on that sort of thing. My Sausage looks like a fat little corgi too. But without so much hair. And you and Padawan can live any lifestyle that suits you and it's okay by me. Anybody who doesn't like it can go gargle turnips.

  11. "you're going to get off easier if you shoot someone on your property and kill them in broad daylight when they aren't armed than you will if you drink and drive."

    Well, yeah, how else are you supposed to let people know they are not welcome?

  12. darev, thank you.'s frowned upon, and it shouldn't be. My parents spanked me frequently and I turned out just fine. No emotional scarring or anything. She needs a good swift kick in the butt, as my mother would say.

    Aw...what kind of dog do you have?

    Gargle turnips...I like it.

    Doug, I dunno. I've never tried telling people any other way. But in other states it's frowned upon. :P


My Shelfari Bookshelf

Shelfari: Book reviews on your book blog