Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Little Brother should take acting lessons.

Boyfriend's Little Brother showed up at our apartment at seven this morning, pretending to be sick. He told his mom he had a headache thinking she would stay with him since she was off today, but he didn't realize she was off so she could take his Sister to court. So he had to come to us. And Boyfriend and I are not gullible like Mommy. It was obvious from when he first walked in that he felt fine and dandy.

As soon as his mom was gone, he turned to us and said he wanted to play on the computer, not go back to sleep.

I told Boyfriend his brother was faking, and he agreed. Then Little Brother asked for a soda. Soda? For a sick kid? I don't think so. I've NEVER heard a sick kid ask for a soda. We gave him orange juice, and when I got up to get ready for work we sent him to the living room to play video games. He RAN into the living room, realized he left his drink, ran back to get it, and then ran into the living room again. Sick children don't run.

When it was time to go get breakfast before work (we do like to eat out for breakfast on Mondays and Tuesdays) we decided we couldn't take a "sick" kid to a restaurant. Little Brother RAN do the car. You know what Little Brother did when he heard us discussing breakfast options in the car?

"I want to go to McDonald's. I want pancakes!"

Pancakes! For a sick kid?

Alright, when I was sick as a kid, I didn't want to leave bed. I wanted to stay in it all day, and even if I wasn't nauseated, I didn't want pancakes or soda. I certainly didn't want to play games or run around.

So at that point it was confirmed that he was totally faking it.

"You know, Little Brother, you can tell us if you're faking it. We won't be mad."

"I'm not faking! I'm sick!"

Well, Boyfriend and I weren't buying it. So we proceeded in the following fashion.

"You know, Boyfriend, when I was a kid, I was totally better at faking it when I didn't want to go to school."

"Yeah, so was I. Little Brother is as bad as that actor in The Room."

"Yeah, I know. When I wanted to play sick I stayed in bed for a few hours, and then I got up and claimed I felt better. And I pinched my cheeks to make them rosy like they get when I have a fever, and I'd lick my hands and wipe it on my forehead to make me clammy. I'd also hold my eyes open to make them water so they looked glassy."

"Shoot, when I faked sick I took my mom's heating pad and put it on my forehead to make it feel like I had a fever. And I'd make throwing up noises in the bathroom and just pour a glass of water in the toilet to make it seem like vomit was actually coming out and then I'd flush it so she wouldn't know. I'd also stay in bed until noon, and then it was too late to send me to school. But I was WAY better than Little Brother."

"You know what? I think you should take him to the doctor and have them test him for flu. You know they stick the long cue tip up your nose really far to test for flu, right? John had it done the other day, and they also tested for strep. They use a long cue tip for that, too."

"Yeah, I think I'll have them draw some blood, too. He needs to be tested. It could be serious."

"Boyfriend, you know people bleed to death a lot of the time when they get their blood tested!"

"I know, but if he's really sick he might die anyway. It's worth the risk, I think."

Little Brother refused to go to the doctor, but he wouldn't admit he was faking. So I came to work and left the two of them at home. I think Boyfriend will eventually convince Little Brother to admit he's faking it and then they'll go to the park and kayak or something.

Me? I'd make him stay in bed all day in the dark and do nothing. But that's just my opinion.


  1. If by some miracle we were able to convince my mom that we were sick enough to stay home from school, we were prisoners. No playing with friends, no matter how much "better" we said we felt.

    Faking sick to get out of school ended up being a lot more boring than just going to school, so I stopped trying after the first two or three attempts.

    Funny story. Kids crack me up sometimes. :)

  2. See, that's the way I think parents should do it. My parents didn't do it that way and the result was we all played sick together and then got to do whatever we want after we napped and "felt better" around noon. Playing sick should be about as fun as being sick.

    And this is probably why it's best that I can't have children anyway. I'd be one hell of a mean mother.


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