Friday, September 3, 2010

Why I spell my name two different ways...

My co-workers realized recently that I don't always spell my name the same way. And I'm not so stupid that I'm accidentally misspelling my own name, and it's not a typo either. There is a simple and logical explanation for the two different spellings.

The doctor who delivered me was an asshole.

I told you it was simple. That wasn't enough information? Oh, great balls of fire. I'll have to tell you the whole story. Keep in mind that I was born in 1988 in a small town in Texas. Small Southern towns are generally...well, full of small minded, arrogant, judgmental pricks who believe in being Uber Fucking Christian. (I was raised Southern Baptist, BTW. And they don't approve of dancing. If that gives you a good idea.)

So, when my Mother and Father told the doctor that they wanted to name me "Channelle", and that we had a family spelling for the name, she spelled it out for him. On the birth certificate, he went right along and spelled it the way he wanted, which was "Chanel", as in the world famous designer brand.

Of course the doctor didn't stop there. Though my parents had both decided to give me my father's surname despite not being married, the Doctor just thought that wouldn't do. He explained in detail that I had to take my Mother's maiden name because I was a bastard and blah blah blah.

So my name is all sorts of fucked up.

Now, because my name on my birth certificate is "Chanel", that's what is on my ID and my bank account and my paychecks. But on my school records, on my facebook, on anything else, my name is spelled Channelle because that's they way my parents taught me to spell it. I honestly didn't even know that my name was spelled wrong on my birth certificate until I was eight, and then my parents told me the story.

My parents got married two months after I was born. I fell asleep during the ceremony.

Anyway, so sometimes I write Chanel and other times Channelle, and it really just depends on my mood. If I feel like being proper and rigid, I'll write out Chanel. If I feel like being stubborn and like I've always been, I'll write Channelle.

I think I have a very pretty name. And it's an old name that's been in our family since before that particular fraction came over from France, which was way before the dominant Irish came over. And also before the German faction. But I didn't always like my name.

For years I went by my middle name because this boy in fourth grade named Colton Asher started calling me Chambel Soup, which was really dumb. I mean, Cambell soup, Chambel Soup? There's no connection there to Channelle. There's not even an "m" in my name! But my mother thought it was SOOOOOOO cute so she started calling me Chambel Soup, and then my sisters started calling me Cha-Nae-Nae, which was even worse than Chambel Soup, and then Daddy picked it up and started calling me Nae-Nae, and my best friend who just shortened it to Nae.

And nothing I did could break it. So I used my middle name.

Which failed when everybody refused to use it, and so I was just stuck with slapping my sisters for using Cha-Nae-Nae, and just dealing with Mom calling me Chambel Soup and Daddy and Jenn calling me Nae-Nae and Nae.

Because, you know. You can't hit your parents. Or your best friend. Actually, when Jenn and I first me we didn't like each other and one day in choir we had a disagreement about a book we had both read and she slapped me across the face and then I slapped her and then we were inseparable after that. Like...the slaps made us friends, so hitting her again would have probably ruined the friendship.

And I've just realized that the little Lego Spock figurine that hangs out on my desk next to the guitar playing frogs has been moved to a lewd position with the Family Guy Meg figurine. Which means somebody has been messing with my desk.

Grr. Time to hunt down the joker.

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