Monday, September 13, 2010

I'm trying to galvanize myself into getting back to my healthier lifestyle.

Dear Chanel:

You're killing me slowly. You're not eating breakfast, you're not exercising, you're not getting enough sleep, and you're downing fast food instead of cooking because you're too tired to cook anything for yourself.

Look, the long hours are over, and the quickest way to get me back into shape is to start eating breakfast, start exercising again, sleeping properly, and giving up the fast food. How hard can it be? You gave up Dr. Pepper, right? And I haven't been sending your massive craving signals demanding you drink it, right? So what's the problem?

Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. It should be your biggest meal. So go ahead and drink that latte and eat the bacon and gouda sandwich. You're allowed to splurge because your body will metabolize it through the whole day. And if you don't eat within the first ninety minutes of waking up, I retain more fat because I think you're starving and so I need to build up fat now from what food I get to keep you from starving to death later when there won't be any food. I know YOU know you'll eat again, but I don't know that. I'm just the body.

And why did you stop exercising? You were tired, right? Well, the longer hours are over, and you've put on five pounds. Gross, right? So make Boyfriend teach you to ride a bike like he promised, accept the invitations to go hooping with your friends, take the dog our for longer walks and jog a little. Hell, take a walk around the block every once in a while. Some form of exercise is better than no form. And I know you work long hours even when you're not doing the Band Season Over Time, but you'll feel better if you exercise regularly. You used to be like a super fast runner! You enjoyed it! So come on, and try to keep me healthy. Otherwise I'll get fat and you'll hate yourself.

As for the sleep thing, I need rest to heal myself and refresh. It's like hitting the reset button every night. If you don't sleep, your digestion and metabolism and appetite suffers. And while appetite is best in small doses, if you don't eat in the morning because you're too tired to be hungry, you're just setting yourself to gain weight. And if you don't sleep I can't function properly and you'll get migraines and be fatigued all day, every day. And that's no fun. So if you feel exhausted, go to bed early. It's not going to kill you to start taking your pill at eight instead of ten and start carrying it with you. If you feel tired, go to bed. Don't try to make yourself stay up because then you can't sleep. And that's counter productive, especially since we're trying to lose the weight your laziness has gained us. Five pounds, damn you. Five.

Finally, we come to the fast food. I know that you were too tired to cook, and Boyfriend NEVER wants to help you out by cooking because he's lazy and doesn't know how to do anything besides boil pasta anyway, but that's no excuse now. You've got your normal hours back, so you can start cooking at home. Vegetables and healthy things that won't kill you with calories. If Boyfriend wants fast food, let him. Just go to the store and buy yourself some vegetables and saute them and eat them on top of pasta with no sauce. A single serving. I know you have a problem with walking away from good food. But learn to stop when you feel satisfied. You used to be really good at it, and stressful hours made you more inclined to binge, and it gained you five pounds. Yes. Five pounds, which makes you average weight. Which would be great if you did that with exercise and proper nutrition, because that would be a healthy lifestyle. But you haven't been, which means this isn't for you.

And I'd like to point out that the BC probably isn't helping. And if you gain anymore weight instead of losing it, get off the pill and just learn to deal with cramps every month. K?

Your Body that You Are Ruining


  1. I'm pretty sure that this is similar to the letter that my body would write to me, but it would pretty much be in all caps to emphasize the fact that it is screaming at me.

    Way to set some good goals for yourself. I believe in you. :)

  2. Aw, thanks for believing in me. I think I can do it. Maybe. *sigh* I'm going to miss fried chicken...

    My body would totally scream at me if it had the energy to do so.

    I think a lot of us take our bodies for granted and that's how people get diabetes and heart disease. It's not always genetics, though some people blame them.


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