The Return of the...well, I'm certainly not a king.

Guess who's back. 

Back again. 

Chanel's back. 

Tell a friend. 

Guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back, guess who's back! Bah nah nah!

Did anybody miss me?

Sorry that I had to go for so long, but such is life. I had some mega catching up to do when I logged on this morning. My goodness, it was like a cornucopia of blog posts! And then I had to respond to my comments, but only AFTER reading and commenting on posts that I read alphabetically by blog title, not in order of importance, and now it's time to post. I did consider posting before catching up but I thought that would be entirely rude and maybe a little narcissistic.

To keep you guys in the loop...

1. Little Sister is officially being renamed Clueless. I was totally going to go with something far more vindictive and insulting, but Padawan would not appreciate that. So I'm renaming her Clueless. To see why, read number two.

2. Clueless (formerly Little Sister) was arrested again. You guessed it. For driving while intoxicated. "Wait," you're thinking, "Didn't she just get out of jail four months ago after serving time for DWI?" And you're completely correct. She did. Do I feel sorry for her? No. Do I think she's going to deserve the revoking of her license and the next sentence she's going to get? Yes. Do I think she's an alcoholic? Yes. Which is sad since she just turned 21. So sad. And just FYI, in the great state of Texas, getting three DWIs in a ten year period is a felony and comes with five years in prison. So she better not drink and drive again any time in the next nine and a half years. (Or ever, really. It's attempted murder in my book.) And when Mother and Padawan told her they weren't bailing her out because they told her last time they wouldn't bail her out if it happened again, she got mad at them like it was THEIR fault she got behind the wheel two sheets to the wind. (By the way, she got caught because she caused a car accident. She rear ended someone. Like I said...attempted murder.) That makes her Clueless. (You can well imagine the other Pseudonyms that came to mind...)

3. Padawan and I are discussing taking custody of Clueless's dog when she gets sent back to jail. Of course, she might not get sent back to jail but I don't believe in miracles and this is Texas, by which I mean that you're going to get off easier if you shoot someone on your property and kill them in broad daylight when they aren't armed than you will if you drink and drive. The point of taking Sausage (that's not his real name but he looks like a little sausage with legs because he's overweight because she doesn't care for him properly so that's what I call him) is not only so that he gets all the love and attention he needs (and he needs it), but also to help Choo Choo learn how to properly greet other dogs. And by that I mean I'm at my wit's end with her barking and I'm getting desperate. This will be yet another attempt at proper doggy socialization.

4. I found a brilliant way to keep Choo Choo from barking on her walks, and it worked for a week. And then for no reason that I can fathom Choo Choo started going nuts even more than usual and it's driving me to distraction. I'm about read to try the Spray Bottle Method. Seriously. I'm still pissed at that "trainer" who suggested a shock collar, just so you know. I can't remember if I told you guys that I spoke to a trainer a couple of weeks ago. But I decided to not use her services when she said she could fix it with a shock collar. Well, yeah. I'm sure if I beat the living shit out of her ever time she barked that would work, too, but I'm not going to do it.

5. Relly is upset that Soldier Boy (formerly T-Man) is being shipped out to Iraq. Originally the date was set for the 6th of June, but now he's leaving in three weeks. Sad, hearbreaking, horrifying. She's really upset. But there's not much I could do. When I try to sooth her with reassurance she gets all snappy and irritable and rude. When I just listen she gets mad that I don't comment. There is no reasoning with her. So I'm just not talking to her for a while. It's the best solution. I don't like being snapped at for no reason.

6. Lydia fell at her new job and tore what she calls her meniscus. I think she's using the wrong word because science classes taught me that the meniscus is the curve that forms when you pour liquid into a measuring tube or beaker. Either way, her employer told her that she wasn't entitled to workman's compensation because her other knee was swollen before she fell, and they are saying that the problem in the new knee is a result of the condition in the other. Bullshit, and they know it. They just don't want to deal with the fact that she needs a ten thousand dollar surgery because of their unsafe ways of operating. 

7. Brat and Gummy Bear are apparently defying the Catholic parents and the rules of his religion. They are moving into an apartment together, and sending her Monstrosity Wolf Puppy to live with our Uncle for a while. Apparently there's a weight restriction that forbids dogs over forty five pounds. At ten months old, Kira weighs in at a whopping seventy pounds, and the Vet says she will grow until she's two years old. That's a big freaking dog.

8. If my family asks me if Padawan and I eloped one more time I swear I'm going to lose my mind and start screaming and possibly throwing things because why does every body think if I don't go to work for a few days and I don't tell them where I'm going I'm obviously eloping and getting married or doing something else stupid? Jesus H. Roosevelt Christ, it's annoying.

9. Clearly I am saying nothing about what we were up to, though I can say that I'm perfectly healthy if a little tired, and Choo Choo and Padawan are equally healthy.

Now, my next post will be a brilliant reconstruction of a single incident on Sunday that I just absolutely have to share with you guys. But that's not for today. I've caught up with you guys. You guys can catch up with me. And the world is as it should be.