Prepare yourselves for TOTAL DOMINATION at the hands of your new, all-powerful Overlord(ess)!

Things To Remember If I Ever Become an Evil Overlord(ess) 

I think THAT particular site is well worth a read, and yes, I've had that site bookmarked for AGES because I just knew one day I would find a way to work it into a post. And look at that. A perfect reason. Obviously there are some flaws in this person's planning as some of those things clearly apply to MALE Overlords, but you can see how I would admire (for the most part) the mind of the writer. And yes, I agree with a vast majority of it. Evil takes careful planning.

In case you're wondering why I've decided to share this link, it is because Bryan gave me an award from this blog, not this one. It's completely relevant to this post because the award in question was...

THIS ONE!

Can I get a muah-ha-haa?

Yes. Yes, I can.

Muah ha ha ha ha haa!

Enough of that. Can't be a successful evil Overlord(ess) if I get distracted by the sound of my own evil laugh. But you have to admit, it's a pretty awesome evil laugh, isn't it? You should hear it in real life. It's pretty spectacular. Of course, in real life I very rarely get to use it. Mostly it just happens when I'm playing Uno with my family and they think they've finally beaten me, but I'm a completely masterful player and I always win. And when I realize that I've got them all beat, I do the evil laugh. It just happens. And then they all fold before I even play my final cards, and when I finish them off with my brilliant strategy (that they never learn from) I feel like I've just conquered the world.

Anyway, the award has rules.

1. List three things you would change if you were Overlord(ess)

2. List ten blogs worthy of world domination.

3. Contact them about their bastard child...er, I mean award.

Why do I only get to change three things, though? That hardly seems fair. If I was Overlord(ess) I would certainly have the power to change whatever the hell I wanted, and I certainly wouldn't leave it at just three things.

1. We're getting rid of this whole "abstinence is the only way" bullshit in school. I personally always thought that was a bullshit thing anyway. Abstinence is not the only answer, and when you don't supply alternative information to them, teenagers, who are going to have sex anyway, just sneak around and have unprotected sex and then wind up pregnant and/or diseased. It makes a lot more sense to do what my mom did. Take a deep breath and say, "Kids, if you're going to have sex just use a damn condom." Any teachers found saying any variation of, "If you have sex you're going to get pregnant, no matter what you do to prevent pregnancy, and you'll get AIDS. So just don't have sex," will be re-educated. Teenagers aren't stupid. They're going to have sex no matter what lies you tell them. (By the way, when I was eleven my teacher informed the class that you would DEFINITELY get pregnant if you had sex without a condom, and you'd have a 99% chance of getting pregnant with a condom. Obviously that's nowhere near accurate, and I hate misinformation.)
   
   
2. Blowjobs are hereby outlawed. The female equivalent, however, is a mandatory bi-weekly occurrence. Violators of this law will be prosecuted with the harshest punishment available. (This will teach you to mess with me, oh slightly less mighty in comparison to me Overlord who thinks he can do whatever he wants.) And in case you're wondering what that punishment will be...Men who refuse the bi-weekly action will be put in pens underground and used only for breeding stock, but not in the pleasurable way you'd like that to mean. You shall not be love slaves. You will provide specimen weekly, and if you refuse there are shocking ways with which we can retrieve your swimmers. It involves a probe, though. So you should just give your wives/girlfriends what they want. (Obviously, gay men are completely exempt from this change. Don't think it's fair? Tough! I am the Overlord(ess)! My will be done!)
   
   
3. Anybody found guilty of abusing a child or an animal shall be abused in the same way as the victim. And if I feel particularly vindictive, I may do a little more. I've been favoring the idea of Chinese Water Torture, for instance. And I just watched this movie called "Hard Candy" which gave me a few ideas for child molesters. And believe me, there is no END to the amount of evil things I can think of for justice on behalf of those who are too young and too small to defend themselves.
   
   
4. Just because I hate being limited, here's a fourth rule: Wal-Mart is officially closed down.

Now, the next rule says something about ten bloggers worthy of world domination. But I don't feel like ten since I've also got another award to dish out. Some of the other Overlords have just given three. Well, I will give out five.

Let's see...

Obviously to Candice, because we've already decided that if I took over the world she'd be my right hand woman. So I'd like to see how she would handle being Overlord(ess).

Then to Jewels. Frankly, I think she could do a good job dominating the world.

Then to Doug. He's going to be President anyway, so why not just take it a step further?

Jenna. Have you guys heard about Ms. Jenna? She jumps right into the middle of a fight to break it up. She fears nothing and no one. You need to be like that to be an Overlord(ess).

Nicki, because she has a very interesting list of movie characters she'd like to go on a date with, and I'd love to know how she'd handle taking over the world.

Bet you thought that was it, didn't you?

Of course not. Rules are made to be broken when you're the Overlord(ess). I can do whatever I want, and that includes breaking my own rules. 

Darev. I really don't think I need to explain this one.

Charlie because he likes to scare people. He really enjoys terrifying people. He's got the making of and Overlord.

Asha because....muahahahahaha!

I'm done with that now. I'll notify these people later.

But I ALSO received...

From the lovely Jewels. (Yes, that would be High Overlord(ess) Jewels.)

She didn't give me any rules, though. I love that.

I share this award with (in no particular order):

Brent
Rebecca
Johnny
Asha
Hannah

George (even though he's been hiding)

And Doug.

I was going to give this award to Scott and Bryan, too, but I didn't think they'd like it. So you guys can have it if you want it, but you don't HAVE to take it. My feelings won't be hurt or anything. (Or will they? You never know...)

Also, if you didn't get the Lovely Blog Award from me this time it's because I've already given it to you and didn't want to make you go through the whole thing again. But if you want it again, you can have it. You know who you are. And you know your blog is lovely. 

And P.S.  I found a killer sale on boots and bought two pairs. It is a very good day. :)

PPS. I finally got an About Me page! It's at the top! It's a work in progress.