Tuesday, February 28, 2012

My Thoughts on Baby Showers

video

38 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    1. On the games? The eleven pages of registry? The uselessness of Wal-Mart employees?

      The whole thing?

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    2. I'm with Padawan, I don't go to baby showers, that's a girl thing.

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    3. Do men not enjoy celebrating the birth of the children? I'm sure if men went there wouldn't be gross games like that.

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    4. Okay, I don't know what in the flim-flam happened with my iPad, but when I made my previous comment, I came to your page and it just had the title and a blank page. I thought it was your way of saying something like: "I have no words." It was funny. Then when you replied I realized that I must have missed something. I logged on with my laptop and I'm all caught up. Soooo...Here are my thoughts about your ACTUAL post:

      1) I HATE WALMART!!! I hate everything about it. The employees, the people that shop there, the parking, the cramped aisles that you can barely walk through because it's blocked by boxes and pallets filled with more cheap crap that they couldn't fit on the shelves. I REFUSE to shop there anymore. It is NOT worth the hassle.

      2) An 11-page gift registry? Can you say: HOLY CRAP HOW MUCH FREAKING STUFF DOES THIS WOMAN THINK SHE NEEDS?!?!?!?

      3) Babies 'R' Us, at least in my experience, is quite different from Toys 'R' Us. It's quiet, because the people who mainly shop there are either pregnant and don't have kids yet (after they already have kids, they shop for diapers and stuff at regular grocery stores) or they're friends and relatives who are shopping for a pregnant friend. Just in case you were wondering. :)

      4) I've been to a grand total of 3 baby showers in my entire lifetime, and one of them was for my own sister, another one was for me. I live in Utah, so trust me when I say that pregnant women here are literally a dime a dozen. I get invited to A LOT of baby showers. I don't go because I can't stand the awkwardness. I have two kids, but going to a baby shower will ALWAYS make me feel uncomfortable and out of place.

      5) Those games? YYYYEEEEECCCHHHHH!!!! I am officially appalled. The End.

      6) If you're having kids to feel like a better person and to become fulfilled, you're having them for the wrong reasons. I love being a mom, I always have, but I did NOT go into this job with a rosy viewpoint. I knew it would be hard. I know my life could be just as meaningful if I weren't a mother, but I chose to have children because I wanted to. And THAT is why I'm happy as a mom. I did it for my own reasons, and nobody else's.

      If you don't want kids, that's your business. In fact, I commend you for being so honest with yourself and everyone else. Too many women have kids out of pure peer pressure, and then they and their kids all end up being miserable for life. NOT WORTH IT!!! If only everyone could be as straightforward as you are, Chanel. You need to teach a class. No joke.

      Anyway, love the post. :)

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    5. That would have been funny, the leaving it blank thing.

      I wasn't saying everyone who has children did it to feel complete. I didn't mean to imply that at all. Just those people who give that awful look.

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    6. I knew what you meant. I was just referring to those special ladies, too. Some people just don't know how to keep their "looks" to themselves. Who are they to judge, I mean really?

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    7. No worries. I knew what you meant. I, too, was just referring to that special little group of women who feel like other people's lives are their business to judge. THAT is not cool!

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    8. Yeah. Judge not lest ye be judged...or something like that.

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  2. Believe it or not, I'm not one for baby showers. I just don't get it. The games are, quite frankly, disgusting. The kiss the bear, then kiss the mommy to be thing--EW x 1000. Never heard of that one before. Never want to hear it again. Definitely never want to see it.

    Oh, and SO get you with the Packers played the Steelers at COWBOYS Stadium. It was like a nightmare scenario, which could only have been made worse had the Giants or Eagles or Redskins been the NFC winner. Ugh. The past couple of years haven't been friendly to Cowboys fans.

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    1. That makes two of us who never want to hear it again. EVER.

      The Cowboys will have their glory again. We just have to wait for it.

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  3. -Nine months at Walmart? You could've had a baby! I kid. I hate Walmart. Refuse to shop there, just like Candice. Haven't shopped there in years. And yeah...THERE'S TOTALLY A SMELL.

    -Babies R' Us is WAY WORSE than Toys R' Us. At least Toys has video games. But yeah...not worse than Walmart.



    -I haven't been to a baby shower since I was...a baby. Well, like, a kid. I haven't been to one over age 13. I feel like I would hate it. But not as much as a bridal shower.

    -Target IS way better than Walmart.

    -Deadpan after the baby shoes. LIKE A BOSS.


    -"thirteen motherfucking dollars" BAHHHHHHHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHA I love you.


    -Mimosas for a pregnant woman? That kinda sounds cruel, right? Like LOOK WHAT WE CAN'T HAVE BECAUSE WE'RE NOT PREGNANT WITH SOME HELLCHILD!


    -Why do you want to kiss a teddy bear? Why do you want to kiss a pregnant woman? I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW THIS IS A "GAME." I don't even like small talk. How would I deal with KISSING someone?

    "HAVE FUN KISSING THE ASS OF A PREGNANT WOMAN, BECAUSE I HEAR THEY'RE GASSY AND THEY DON'T KNOW WHEN IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN." haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahhahhahahhahhahahahhahahhahahahhahhahaa

    I seriously laughed so hard at that I had to PAUSE THE VIDEO and recover. And get more wine. Because this crap needs to be a TV show. I'm IN LOVE.



    -OH MY GOD WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU WANT TO EAT BABY CRAP? YES. HOW IS THAT FUN. HOW IS THAT FUCKING FUN?


    -Your I-don't-want-to-have-babies rant was EPIC. Yeah...I don't want kids anywhere in my 10-year timeline. After that, we'll talk. I know that children will not fulfill my life. I know that they'll make my life a LOT fucking harder. I know that there will be about one hour of "good time" and 23 hours of "WHY THE HELL DID I DO THIS." I know that there will be some days when I have to physically fight the urge not to run away and leave my family behind. And for those reasons, right now I do not want kids. In five years, I do not want kids. In fact, I can see living my life out HAPPILY without ANY KIDS WHATSOEVER. Because...I would get to be selfish. I would get to sleep in and jet off and save money and not have to deal with "teenage years." AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.


    Of course, I don't have any problem with women who have kids. I respect them for the hard job they've chosen. I think they're some of the strongest people on earth. But me? I have no problem saying I'm weak and that it's hard for me to imagine going 9 months without a margarita.


    -Stretch marks...scary vaginas...life-altering pain...I'm scared.



    -And I LOVE THAT YOU DID THE CONDOMS. Brilliant. Bloody brilliant.



    Whoa. I just live-blogged your video blog. Hope that's okay.




    And your video blog, by the way? INCREDIBLY eloquent. And yes.... INCREDIBLY hilarious. Please do more. This made my night. Not even joking. Chanel's YouTube channel. Think about it.

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    1. Real time reactions?

      LOL, I love that I made you laugh.

      Yes, mom's deserve that day they get all to themselves every year. In fact, they should get a couple of days a year for them. I totally respect the ones that want it, work hard at it, and love their children. But...you know, babies...are babies.

      I never thought about children taking away your right to sleep in. That's just...no. I like to sleep in until noon on my days off and I wouldn't ever want to give that up.

      You wouldn't necessarily have to go nine months without a margarita. You'd just have to settle for a virgin margarita. Those are pretty tasty.

      And yes...mimosas would have been mocking the pregnant lady. Which is just one more reason to not have children. At your baby shower everybody else gets to drink tasty cocktails and you just get orange juice.

      I went all out of order here...but there you have it.

      And no Chanel YouTube Channel. I like my anonymity here in my pink domain of awesome brickyness.

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  4. Hee hee hee! Sorry I didn't get to reply yesterday. I really hate having to get up early and go to class.

    Anyway, I loved the video blog/rant. Had to stop and giggle several times. Especially when you demonstrated the "look". Cracked me the frack up.

    Unfortunately for me, I know what Garanimals are and I know how to read baby sizes. Been there and done that. But an eleven page registry? Rent me a cracker. Okay, you are having a baby. Or getting married or graduating or whatever. I will get you something. If you don't like it, you can return it. Or shut the snap up. Don't tell me what you want. That way, you get nothing.

    Anyway, I hope you do this more often. Loved it completely.

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    1. Then what is a Garanimal?

      What happened to Muppets? Those were cool.

      And why do they have letters? What on earth could letters possibly mean? 2T and 3T and blah blah blah. T? What does that mean? T-Shirt? Tiny? Toddler? IT MAKES NO SENSE!

      I don't mind registries. Wedding registries are very helpful, and less scary because that's always normal things like coffee makers and curtain rods or something.

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  5. Garanimals are just a brand of kids clothes, like Osh Kosh B'Gosh. They have been around forever. You probably wore some when you were a kid.

    The sizes are easy. Preemie and newborn mean just that. The T stands for toddler of course. The number their age.

    We were foster parents for a couple of centuries so we were always on the lookout for baby clothes at the yard sales.

    I'm glad that's over with.

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    1. Never heard of either of those. My mother and grandmother actually made a lot of my clothes when I was a baby/small child.

      And they shouldn't size by age since some children are either bigger or smaller than other children. Shouldn't weight be the consideration for size?

      I think if I had a line of clothing for kids I'd come up with something better than "Garanimals."

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  6. Children are fun. And the PERFECT deflector for future children, for getting laid, unless married to a young strapping girl with an appetite, is impossible.

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    1. Children are fun? Yeah...like a dentist is fun.

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  7. replying while listening. toy's R'us (R is for RIOT!)

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    1. This explains the eight comments...Okay. So these comments are real time reactions then. Got it.

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    1. Yes, Choo Choo hopped into my lap mid rant. Also, that random laugh I did? She was sniffing my toes and it tickled.

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    1. For all I know, that's accurate and she wanted me to buy her some kind of animal to protect the baby.

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  10. YOU SPENT 1300.00 FUCKING DOLLARS? I am a friend who is having a baby, hopefully, and will gladly accept the gift card for a much lesser amount to a place that serves alcohol, so I can drink...a lot.

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    1. You're having a baby? Congratulations.

      No, I spent 13 dollars, and I had planned to spend in the fifty to a hundred range, but my point was that 13 seemed a HUGE AMOUNT for the experience.

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    2. oh, that is much better. I nearly choked on an invisible Kruller that I was not eating, is that how you spell it??? That doughnut that looks like the tire of a monster truck....No, I am not having a baby, yet. trying, but one must have sex in order to have one...I think...last time I checked anyway.

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    3. Yeah. I'm not spending 1300 on a baby coming into the world. 1300 on a wedding dress? Easily. I could spend twice that happily. But on a gift for a baby? Not if she was going to be the Princess of Wales!

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    1. No, I'm a happy drinker. I just like children LESS when I'm drinking.

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  12. You, my dear, are sounding atypical. A tear is showing in my eye.

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    1. You sure I'm not just sounding neurotic?

      Atypical is good, too, though. Just not as pink.

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    2. The bit about not having a child would be much more atypical than neurotic. Had I posted something like it, I would have people organizing angry mobs.

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    3. That's because you HAVE children. You can't say you HATE children when you have them.

      And no, you do NOT need to have sex to have a baby anymore. You don't even need to be surprised by what the baby looks like! You can pick your baby from the color and shape of it's eyes to the shade of skin to the kind of hair to how tall it will be, and they can grow it all in a test tube.

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