You have GOT to be KIDDING.

It's not every day that I get people complaining about my appearance at work.

Oh, it's happened before. Torn jeans are insulting to some mothers, ripped t-shirts to others. It's not the first time my appearance has fallen under fire because of customers, and it probably won't be the last.

It is, however, the first time that my eyes have come under fire.

No.

You didn't misread that. It was not a typo.

A man actually sent a lengthy e-mail complaining about my eyes.

As I understand it, after having read the e-mail myself, my customer found it "really difficult to make eye contact" with me because the "intensity of the artificial color." He continued to suggest that "employees be limited to natural colors of artificial lenses" to make the customers more comfortable. 

But my favorite line was when he said it was "creepy talking to someone with the same lifeless eyes as my daughter's dolls."

Now, I got a call from the top of the food chain for this e-mail because, by the customer's description, I must have been wearing some really outlandish, completely creepy contacts. The way the man was carrying on, I had worn something seriously inappropriate.

I think from the e-mail the owner imagined something like this:

                                                          

Or this...

Um...the eyebrows are bit creepy, too...

                                                      

Or maybe this: 

                                                         

But that wasn't what the customer saw. The customer saw this:

My straight up, natural, never been truer that true, green eyes.

So I wore a couple of shades of green today and it made the color a little more intense. That's just the way my eyes look, and it's no more inappropriate than me wearing my hair to work. And how the hell do you defend your eye color to your boss? 

Let me tell you, there's no way to say the customer is an idiot politely.

Frankly, I was too surprised to sugar coat it.

"Somebody what? What a stupid idiot! I'm not wearing artificial colors in my contacts! They're clear! No, I swear! My eyes are the same eyes today as they were yesterday!"

And then he laughed and asked if I was wearing the green jacket from inventory, and I said yes, and he said he thought my eyes looked really weird in that jacket, too, and he'd thought I was wearing contacts, but when he'd mentioned it to my coworkers they set him straight.

Because we've been over this. My eyes change color with my outfit, with my mood, with the seasons. 

I'm mostly annoyed that he'd said lifeless. 

My eyes are many things. Beautiful, unusual, vibrant, expressive.

But they are never, under any circumstances, lifeless.

The reply he received was that I was wearing my real eyes and that we'd love to help him feel more comfortable. I think it was even offered to have him work with a different sales person if it was impossible to talk to me, but that there was no way they could ask me to stop wearing my eyes to work because...I kind of need them to see.

I can't wait to hear how he answers...