You can't use a DeLorean to travel back in time.

Before you say it: I know. I changed my blog design again. Did you expect anything less? I think I'm going to be working through all of the colors. I did blue, red, orange, pink...now I'm doing greens. I think next will probably be purple or yellow. I'm not entirely certain. You never can tell what I'm going to do next. I might love this design so much that I leave it up permanently.

And before you say the next bit. Yes, I've got a new tree.

What is it with me and trees? 

I don't know. I feel like I should keep with the tree thing, though. It's totally working for me. I've become really good at finding different colored trees. I found a simple method. Go to Google. Select images. Type in the name of the color I'm looking for+tree. In this case "aqua+tree" was my search.

Bam. Instant results.

And look at that. It's such a pretty tree. I think it's CGI, but that's not particularly important. It doesn't have to be a real tree. Just an awesome tree. I'm only sad that I couldn't find a tree with a bench. I considered putting in a bench myself, but I lack the Photoshop software and paint just couldn't do it well enough to make it look like I didn't just throw it in there.

So you're stuck with a tree without a bench. But it's a pretty tree. No, please. Continue to admire it for another couple of seconds. I'll wait.

I think you all know what spurred my blog design. I think you guys may or may not have noticed my bookshelf at the bottom of my page, conveniently located under my post. Or that's the homepage, anyway. On the individual blog entries with comments it is located under the comments section.

Anyway, I found this awesome gadget at Brent's blog a couple of days ago (it's called Shelfari), and I was completely taken with the idea of displaying some of my favorite reads on my page. So taken, in fact, that I spent three hours of my Wednesday searching for my favorite books and meticulously designing my bookshelf so that it was the right color and width and then finding just the right spot for it to live on my blog. I think it looks very happy down there, don't you? I even did some reviews, but only because I thought I had to do it. Now that I know I didn't have to do it I'm going to go ahead and delete my reviews because I hate writing them and I never know what to say.

If I could go back in time, I would totally hop into Doc's DeLorean time machine and stop myself from wasting so much time writing those stupid reviews that I didn't even want to write in the first place. I really do suck at reviewing things and I didn't know what to say. I know why I love all of these books, but there's really no way to explain that to other people. Trying to do it was just miserable.

Hey, look at that! I went back in time and destroyed the reviews! You can't see them now! Ha HA! 

I'm not telling you how I did it, though. That stuff is secret, and anyway, I'm not sure if anyone other than myself can be trusted with the secret to time travel. You can see I did it the proper way that left no paradoxes. Anybody else wouldn't be so careful and might actually cause a rift in the space-time continuum that would be disastrous.  We can't have that now, can we?

Of course not. So the secret is safe with me. And Doug who actually discovered a way to e-mail himself in the past without any paradoxes. The secret is between the two of us, only my secret is better because I actually went back in time. He merely e-mailed. By the way, Doug, does this qualify me for the Cool Kids Time Travel Club with you and Bryan? 

Muah ha haaa. 

By the way, the proper way to travel through time looks nothing like this: 

It actually looks more like this:

But I'm still not telling you how I got to that tunnel.

By the way, I thought I'd let you guys know that somebody ate a coworker's candy on Monday. The Valentine's Candy the South Store always sends to us ladies on Valentine's Day to make us feel special. Somebody ate her box of chocolates because she called in on Monday, like she does every Monday, with the most obvious lie she could have used. And then she called in Tuesday with the same excuse. Twice the lie. Which is why three employees decided to split her candy amongst themselves.

Do I know who did it?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Am I going to tell her?

No. No, I'm not.

And not just because I'm one third of the guilty party. (I ate the caramel filled chocolate.) I'm not telling her who did it because she deserved it. She's hungover on Mondays. She's always hungover on Mondays, which is why she calls in. But every Monday she gives the same excuse: her kid is sick. 

Her kid is sick every single Monday. I don't know how that works. If my kid was sick every single week, I'd take her to a specialist. And never mind the fact that her kid is home schooled by her grandparents who live with her, so if her kid ever really IS sick, she's already got two caregivers who can take care of her while mommy dearest goes to work. 

Also, if her kid was sick she would call in first thing in the morning when the store opens. But she always calls in thirty minutes after she's supposed to be here. Because she overslept. Because she's hungover. 

Do you all concur that it was bullshit? 

So she deserved to have her candy eaten, and the other two involved told her point blank, "If you had been her Monday, you would have had candy."

This coworker calls in at least once a week, sometimes twice a week. And then she complains that her commission is small, and her paychecks pathetic. Well, sweetheart, that's the way the world works. Don't come to work, don't make money. 

I think I've said enough.