I hate you. Let's be friends!

Sometimes Facebook really irriates and confuses me. It never fails that I find a friend request in my inbox from someone who I have never met, or someone who is so distantly related that I didn't even know they existed, or someone who I went to school with that wasn't my friend.

Like this morning. I had a friend request from a girl who was in my class and lived across the street from me. Problem? This girl tried her damnedest to make me miserable through my middle and high school years. She made fun of my clothes, my hair, my reading habits, my quietness, how skinny I was, she even made fun of my house. I don't know why she took so strong a dislike to me. We had some mutual friends in the beginning, though I eventually realized that those mutual friends were not the kind of people I wanted to spend my time with and I migrated to a different set by the time eighth grade rolled around.

So you can understand my surprise when I found a friend request from her. She had been horrible to me for six long years. Even after we'd graduated and we saw each other at our town's annual Independence Day Parade and happened to be in the same float, she always had a backhanded compliment or a snide remark to offer. This girl just did not want to be my friend.

Well, the only thing I could do was deny the request. I dislike her for the way she treated me, I have absolutely no interest in having access to her profile or her status updates and pictures, and I certainly don't want her to have access to my life. I want absolutely no connection to her at all.

But I guess she knew that I denied her request or ignored it or something, because ten minutes after I logged on I got a message from her.

"Hey, Chanel, u didnt except my friendz invite. I dont no y u didnt except it because high school is over and we shuld put the past behind us. I want to b friendz with u now and I think we culd really be close now. :):) ~Tanya"

Well, apparently she's just as dumb today as she was four years ago when we graduated, because I got a headache from reading that message and everything that was wrong with it. Of course, what I really wanted to do was re-type the message with proper spelling and punctuation and send it back to her so she could see how dumb she is, but I thought it might be rude. So instead I sent a polite response.

"Tanya, I realize that it must be upsetting to send someone the olive branch only to have it refused, but I feel that it is absolutely necessary that I do not accept a friend request from you. It's not simply because of how you treated me in middle school and high school, though nobody would fault me for refusing on those grounds alone. My other reasons are that I saw you a few months ago on the fourth of July for the parade, and you had the nerve to laugh at my boobs still being small and insulted me. You are twenty two years old now, and if you still feel the need to ridicule and belittle people to make yourself feel better, then there is absolutely no way I have an interest in befriending you now. I do understand that a Facebook friend request is not really a friendship and that we would be as likely to talk after my acceptance as you are to show up at my door and invite me over for tea, but it WOULD give me access to your life and I have no interest in what you are doing with who and why. And I certainly don't want you knowing what I'm doing with my life. While I'm not afraid of your censuring me for whatever reason, I don't want to give myself the opportunity to mock you for whatever stupid things you might put as a status. My goal is to be better than you. So I respectfully decline your invitation, but I wish you all the best in your life. ~Chanel"

I thought I was very polite, if a little mocking, and I thought that would be the end of it.

"Chanel, I dont no wut u r talking about, I did not mean to hurt ur feelings at the parade, but u do have small boobs and its very funny to see. I see ur new pic btw and u look less sick with dark hair, the blond looked bad and u looked silly then. U def look less dumb now. N E way, I sent a new invite so just accept. ~Tanya"

Apparently, she didn't understand my message.

"Tanya, no. We are not and will never be friends. Please stop sending me friend requests and messages as I do not want to talk to you or befriend you. ~Chanel"

She responded.

"I just want to be friendz."

"NO."

And then I blocked her. I had no desire to continue the conversation, and I denied her friend request again.

What really confuses me is if she really wanted me to believe she wanted to be friends, why the hell did she add some insults about my hair and laugh at my boobs again? That just reinforced my decision to have nothing to do with her. And I love how she pointed out that she wanted to put high school behind us. Really? What does she have to put behind her? I never did anything to her, except ignore her when she tried to make fun of me, and that seemed to irritate her more than if I'd given back as good as I got.

I'm completely convinced at this moment that she's a moron.