Saturday, February 25, 2012

You have GOT to be KIDDING.

It's not every day that I get people complaining about my appearance at work.

Oh, it's happened before. Torn jeans are insulting to some mothers, ripped t-shirts to others. It's not the first time my appearance has fallen under fire because of customers, and it probably won't be the last.

It is, however, the first time that my eyes have come under fire.

No.

You didn't misread that. It was not a typo.

A man actually sent a lengthy e-mail complaining about my eyes.

As I understand it, after having read the e-mail myself, my customer found it "really difficult to make eye contact" with me because the "intensity of the artificial color." He continued to suggest that "employees be limited to natural colors of artificial lenses" to make the customers more comfortable. 

But my favorite line was when he said it was "creepy talking to someone with the same lifeless eyes as my daughter's dolls."

Now, I got a call from the top of the food chain for this e-mail because, by the customer's description, I must have been wearing some really outlandish, completely creepy contacts. The way the man was carrying on, I had worn something seriously inappropriate.

I think from the e-mail the owner imagined something like this:

                                                          

Or this...

Um...the eyebrows are bit creepy, too...
                                                      

Or maybe this: 

                                                         

But that wasn't what the customer saw. The customer saw this:


My straight up, natural, never been truer that true, green eyes.

So I wore a couple of shades of green today and it made the color a little more intense. That's just the way my eyes look, and it's no more inappropriate than me wearing my hair to work. And how the hell do you defend your eye color to your boss? 

Let me tell you, there's no way to say the customer is an idiot politely.

Frankly, I was too surprised to sugar coat it.

"Somebody what? What a stupid idiot! I'm not wearing artificial colors in my contacts! They're clear! No, I swear! My eyes are the same eyes today as they were yesterday!"

And then he laughed and asked if I was wearing the green jacket from inventory, and I said yes, and he said he thought my eyes looked really weird in that jacket, too, and he'd thought I was wearing contacts, but when he'd mentioned it to my coworkers they set him straight.

Because we've been over this. My eyes change color with my outfit, with my mood, with the seasons. 

I'm mostly annoyed that he'd said lifeless. 

My eyes are many things. Beautiful, unusual, vibrant, expressive.

But they are never, under any circumstances, lifeless.

The reply he received was that I was wearing my real eyes and that we'd love to help him feel more comfortable. I think it was even offered to have him work with a different sales person if it was impossible to talk to me, but that there was no way they could ask me to stop wearing my eyes to work because...I kind of need them to see.

I can't wait to hear how he answers...

20 comments:

  1. What a dumbass! Some people have no life and must complain about something...anything...even it is something as petty (and untrue) as lifeless eyes.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. He could have complained about my boots or something. Or my jewelry. Or ANYTHING that made sense. I don't understand this kind of behavior. I just...EYES? Who complains about EYES?

      Delete
  2. Hahahahahahaha this is just too good. Eyes, really? That's probably the craziest thing I've ever heard. I don't know how this man survives in the world, when he overreacts to eye color. I'm shocked and amused.

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    Replies
    1. I think he's one of those people that would benefit from being color blind.

      Delete
  3. Gotta love dealing with the public.
    I had a guy tell me the other day that my hair looked a bit like a scene out of "Something about Mary" Jerk!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hope you said that you were proud to at least still have hair, and then I hope you made a snide comment implying his was thinning (or maybe he was already bald and you stopped at the first one?)

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  4. Seriously?! Eyes?! Lifeless ones too, that's a bit harsh!! x

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    Replies
    1. Yes, lifeless. I have a perfect plan for if he ever comes back.

      Delete
  5. What kind of creepy weirdo sends an email complaining to the company about your eyes? He's probably at home making a replica of you out of old doughnuts as we speak. I can't believe the store even took the email seriously enough to feel it needed to be addressed.

    That first picture with the all black eyes was awesome though. Too bad you don't know exactly when the guy's coming back into the store, and you couldn't turn around and be like, "Can I....eat your soul?" Course then he'd probably drop dead of a heart-attack or something, and then you'd have to clean up the mess.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wasn't there a serial killer who once chose his victims because they had evil eyes or something? I hope this guy isn't one of those kinds of psychos. Now that you mention a replica...

      I met a man at a club once who was wearing those contacts and I couldn't look at him! I got all sorts of creeped out every time I met his eyes, and his wife was wearing the second pair and talking to her was almost as hard. I can totally understand complaining if I had looked like THAT. I have a plan for when he returns, though. And it involves NO words.

      Delete
    2. A plan, eh? Can't wait to hear about this one.

      Delete
  6. What a twit.
    Obviously he has some issues that need to be addressed.
    I'd write a letter and say "She's so pretty that I keep forgetting what I am going in there for and I buy things I really don't need out of embarrassment. What kind of return can I get on a slightly used zither?"

    But that's just me.

    If I could stand to wear contacts I would wear some of those wild ones to work and freak out the inmates. That would be so much fun.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is it safe to scare a bunch of criminals locked up in a prison? I mean, if you scare the wrong one you could have a riot on your hands...

      Delete
    2. Nah. If they are out on the yard and they get scared they just go lock down in their cells. If they are in the Hive where they are already locked down they just refuse to come out.

      It's cheap entertainment. And often useful.

      Delete
  7. WHO THE HELL GOES OUT OF THEIR WAY TO COMPLAIN ABOUT SOMEONE'S EYES?!?!?!

    I really want to know who this guy is that he has enough time on his hands to send a lengthy email about eye contact with one specific employee. Guess you should feel flattered that your eyes are unusual enough to be complained about...?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A psychotic man with a degenerative personality disorder...

      Did I say that out loud?

      Oops.

      No, it's hard to see a silver lining once you've been labeled "lifeless" in the eyeball department.

      Delete
  8. That's just stupid. How can anyone possibly complain about someone's eyes? What a lunatic.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. Yes! Lunatic! That's the word I was looking for the other day and couldn't think of but I knew it started with an "l"! Muahahaha!

      Lunacy.

      Delete
  9. He was clearly batsh*!. Who the hell complains about someone's eyes?! Seriously? There are legitimate complaints, and then there are effin crazy loons who have nothing better to do than complain about NOTHING. GAH!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes people are so miserable they feel incomplete until they make someone else miserable. Loons, jerks...troll!

      Delete

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