I like to consider myself a fairly reasonable person. (Sometimes.) I know that a lot of our customers and callers are people who have never had any experience with music before and know nothing about instruments and accessories. I know this.
But...sometimes I can't help but become a little impatient with the stupid and unreasonable things our customers expect.
What set me off on this?
Well, a phone call.
"I bought a guitar from you guys a year ago, and one of the strings broke today. I was wondering if that was included in the warranty that came with the guitar."
Um...a string under warranty? Strings don't have warranties...and then it dawned on me...
"Sir, are the strings on your guitar the same ones that came on it when you purchased it?"
Oh. My. God. I've never had this problem before. Ever. And I've been here for almost three years now. I don't even play guitar and I know better than this.
"Sir, guitar strings need to be changed every couple of months, at the very least."
"Oh, no ma'am, this is a three-quarter sized guitar. It's not a full sized, professional model."
Why do men always assume that size makes a difference?
"Sir, the size of the guitar has nothing to do with the life span of the strings. When you play a guitar, the oils and acids your skin produces erode and weaken the strings. They are not meant to last for more than a couple of months. It's like expecting a guitar to stay in tune for a months after you tune it."
Sounding confused, "I had my guitar tuned two months ago. Does it need to be tuned again?"
Dear. God. Can people really be this stupid?
"Sir, when you play a guitar, you strum and pluck the strings. When you do that, you're pulling on them. They are wrapped around the tuning pegs, and every time you strum or pluck you pull them and the tuning peg moves a little. So you should really be tuning your guitar every time you play."
"So my strings are bad and it doesn't stay in tune?"
"Yes, sir. Like any instrument, a guitar needs to be cared for regularly to keep it in good shape."
"But that's ridiculous!"
Well, I couldn't think of a comment for that considering that clarinets cost two hundred dollars to have re-pad done and they need that twice a year, and you have to buy reeds and every couple of months because they only last a couple of weeks each. And a regular student level clarinet reed goes for almost three dollars for just one, and professional ones go six or seven dollars for one. So he's complaining about spending five dollars every couple of months? Because the cheapest guitar string sets go for five dollars.
And on top of all of that, when he actually came into the store (because he had to have the strings replaced and he knew it) he had the audacity to ask the guys if I had any idea what I was talking about.
"Some girl on the phone told me that my strings need to be changed regularly. Is that true?"
"Yes, sir. About every month and a half to two months."
Well it's not like I'm completely stupid. I may not play guitar, but I do know how to maintain them, and I do polish up and tune and clean the guitars in the store when I have nothing better to do. I don't go around making stuff up to make people spend money that they don't need to spend. That's not how the store operates, and it's certainly not how I like to conduct myself.
Aside from that, Padawan and I went to HEB two nights ago and I happened to see myself in the security monitor right in front of the entrance. I didn't even recognize myself, I looked so fat. And even Padawan, who is a toothpick and could use some meat on his bones, looked chubby. My first thought was, "Oh my God, I'm getting huge again!" But then I noticed Padawan and I thought that HEB must use wide-angeled lenses or something on their cameras to try to scare their customers into eating healthier. (This is the entrance right next to the vegetables, after all, so it would seem logical.)
But when Padawan and I went to Wal-Mart last night (believe me, I'd rather go to Target or HEB but I needed my Chai, and Target charges two dollars more for it and HEB only carries the organic variety which costs three dollars more and I HATE paying more for something organic that tastes the exact same) and he decided to pick up a beer while we were there. Well, as he was mulling over what brand of horse piss he wanted (if it looks like horse piss, and it smells like horse piss, then it must be horse piss) I noticed a security monitor overhead and looked at my image.
Well, I looked thin and beautiful (if that sounds narcissistic, it really isn't meant to) and absolutely nothing like the HEB camera had portrayed. Not that this makes me any more or less inclined to go to Wal-Mart for my shopping needs, but it made me hate that particular Wal-Mart a little less. I mean, I used to work at a Wal-Mart so I generally believe they're all evil, but this one made me feel pretty so I can't hate it as much. If their cameras ever make me look fat, however, I'll go right back to hating them all equally.
I have, by the way, taken off the weight that I gained over band season and I am back to 114-115, and I have to say I'm very happy about it. It's not my goal weight, but it IS an acceptable one in comparison to almost 120.
My newest goal is 110 by Halloween. What? Nobody wants to see a chubby Princess Zelda. Or whoever I end up being for Halloween. I never finalize until the week before, and Padawan is being very picky this year and is saying that he'd look stupid as Link. Padawan and I were a huge hit last year as Harry Potter and Hermione. We couldn't walk ten feet downtown without somebody asking us to pose for a picture. So this year I want to be Link and Zelda. Or Princess Peach and Mario. He suggested Tifa and Cloud, but I lack the upper regions to be a good Tifa. My knee caps are bigger than my boobs, and while I love my small chest it doesn't live up to the standards of the well-endowed Tifa.
I could, of course, buy a ridiculously large bra and stuff the hell out of it (or into it) but that would look obviously fake, and I don't like bras anyway. I've been comfortable the last four months free of them, and I have no intention of ever wearing another bra as long as I live, even for Halloween.