Tuesday, June 1, 2010

I suspect evil plots around every corner

Boyfriend decided to be all secretive yesterday about something, but he wouldn't tell me what. I strongly believe that is it a bad idea to be secretive around me in a very obvious sort of sneaky way. Because I'm paranoid.

So while Boyfriend was all "I'm not doing anything, I'm at home," even though he obviously wasn't (because I know the way each and every room in the apartment effects the sound of a voice, and I could tell he wasn't in any of the rooms in our apartment), I started thinking.

What could Boyfriend possibly be up to?

And it's totally not in my nature to expect good surprises from anyone. Even though those are pretty much the only kind of surprises I get (for example, tickets for Wicked for my birthday) I always expect something really awful.

So when Boyfriend repeatedly insisted "I'm not up to anything!" I totally knew he was lying because he was denying the fact way too energetically. And I started thinking of things he could possibly be plotting while so obviously not in the apartment.

My first thought was that he was out shopping for an engagement ring. I know, some of you think that's a good thing. Not so for me. I can't even think of the "M" word without convulsing. Then I remembered that Boyfriend isn't stupid. So I knew I was safe from that.

Then I knew what he was doing. He was totally with Eddie, kidnapping my Choo Choo and selling her over the border to people who wanted to eat her! They hate my dog, don't want her living in the apartment (which it appears she'll have to do), and would rather feed her to someone than let me keep her.

So I got home all ready to do battle about my Dog, suspecting that he had, in fact, given her away (and she's a purebred!) while I was working hard (at hardly working) at my desk.

And he had dinner ready for me, all nice and hot and good.

He had been out shopping.

Well. Ahem. I felt a little foolish.

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