Don't you know I wish I had a screen shot of this conversation.
A little back story for you guys.
Last night at about eleven forty five I went out with my sisters, Relly and Breezy, to get some IHOP because we really, really wanted breakfast. (I love chocolate chip pancakes.) They had an old friend meet us there. 'Lil B has been a dear friend (and expert hug giver) since high school. Relly and I both adored him, and I guess since we left he started working with Breezy, and since the four of us are much the same in a lot of ways, you really can't love two of us and not all the others. So he and Breezy are very good friends as well.
While we were sitting at our table laughing and giggling over some of the dumbest things (and I will say it again: my sisters are sometimes very dumb) Relly asked me, "Did you know Lydia had salmonella poisoning?"
To which I replied, "Yes, from letting her dogs kiss her after feeding them raw chicken. My question is why did she let them kiss her with her mouth open?"
We all laughed.
Then 'Lil B chimed in with, "Relly tells me you really like to make fun of idiots on your blog, and that you like to make fun of Facebook idiots especially. Want to hear a funny story about salmonella?"
Well, you guys know me.
"Two days ago on Facebook my friend Hill-Billy Fucktard (his name has been changed, obviously) put up a post that said, 'Alright, asshole, I ate a whole raw chicken breast. Where's my twenty dollars?' (Or something to that effect. Without the actual screenshot, which I hope he sends to me, I can only tell you what he said.)"
'Lil B, in all of his brilliance, replied, "Dude, you're going to die of salmonella poisoning, you idiot."
To which Hill-Billy Fucktard replied, "I am not. I didn't eat salmon, dumbass."
And that, guys, is exactly why I like to make fun of idiots.
And then, just to drive my point home, I have a screen shot of something that did directly take place on my Facebook that is a clear example of just exactly how far our education system has fallen since I left high school behind five years ago.
I blurred out the names to protect the identity of my stepsister, stepmother, and my older sister. And we're not even going to bother addressing the definition my sister offered for self-incrimination. I suppose she's not technically wrong, but that's an explanation one would offer to a five year old, not a twenty year old woman.
Here's hoping I get the screen shot for the chicken thing, but if not...the screen shot of our educational failures as a country will soothe your disappointment.